My Girlfreind Has a Boyfriend

My Purdy Lady calling Brian!

    I have been off and on dating the same person for five years now.  Somehow.   I am not the easiest person to get along with, and many a time-I do not even want to be around me!  I believe my longest relationship before this was about three months.  So, I really can't compare this to anything.  Nor do I have a clue what I am doing or why she hasn't left for good.  She has defiantly had the chance. 
    Did I mention I have low self esteem?  Anyway, at some point in time--she and I created another boyfriend of hers.  Someone that would always be there, could morph his great looks, and was fake so I didn't have to ever do more than threaten to kick his ass to make my image look better!  Brian became his name and best of all -he was from Canada, Aye!   The stories and sightings of him grew more as time passed.  And I am pretty sure he is now a burly, hunky, not clean shavin' Canadian Mountie that turned himself in for more than inhaling pot, being to friendly with his horse, and not finishing a sentence with Aye, Aye!  I think she writes him in jail now.
    He was always effective to make others wander even more about our minds, and for a good laugh or three.   The plot line was the best, when we lived in WA state, because the Canadian border was very close to our house.   And while out with friends, I could make them wonder if I would return home to her and Brian trying to make a Brian Jr. 
    While living in AZ, we had to make others believe that he was always traveling.   And could be easily convinced to come visit her at any time.  At various points in the relationship I had random Brian's text her and mess with her.   And his name was dropped any time we were having an argument with an audience. 

Brian is waiting inside for me to leave!

    I have to say the best Brian drama happened in a little town named Queen Creek, AZ.   Not much happens their, and at that time the only reason the town was around was thanks? to Wal Mart!  Her and I both happened to work at the big retail store and brought up Brian a lot.   Just for the heck of it, and probably out of sheer boredom. 
    It was a month sounding an awful lot like her name.  And her birthday was fast approaching.   She was at work, surrounded by people that knew her and I were a thing.   None of them, including myself knew what kind of thing.  I am sure I had some great birthday gift lined up-but that is escaping me right now.  I had bought a bunch of roses for her and than soon found out, that living in the middle of no were resulted in amazingly high delivery charges!   I had a pickup, so delivery was no big deal and took the flowers to go.  Than got!  
    Somewhere along the line, I wrote up a cheesy note   expressing my deep love   blah blah blah.  It didn't have to be good, she was getting roses!   Than signed the note   Love Brian.  At our store, I gave the flowers to my dept manager and asked if she could wait till the birthday girl was on break, and take the flowers to her.  
    It turns out the break room was packed when the flowers made thier appearance.  Many workers knew it was way safer in the break room.  And never really left the room for longer than about twenty minutes.  She took the flowers with great flair.   And than read the note out loud remarking how great Brian was!   It soon got much quieter in the break room, as my dept. manager tried to explain whom  had really bought the great flowers.  "Wait, you do know were these came from right?"      "Why  yes, Canadian fields probably---Brian really is the best ever!"   The birthday girl replied.   This back and forth went on for awhile.   The dept. manager tried one more time    "I believe someone else ......"     "No, it says right on the card whom they are from  Brian is sooooo sweet!"   I was not in the break room or the store at the time  so have no idea what else was said, but am pretty sure this conversation went on for awhile. 
    The following work week I got lots of unwanted counseling from co workers.  For extra fun, I talked about rotten cheaters to anyone that would listen. 
    Brian has been around for four years now.  I am pretty sure that we had her relatives convinced that he was a "threat" a time or two.   And now that her and I are engaged, I would be very surprised if his name doesn't pop up many a time before the ceremony.   Maybe while finishing his jail term, he will become a minister and marry us!  Brian really is a swell guy.   But at the same time I really have this urge to smack the bastard in the face and gut a few times next time he's in town.