Saturday, December 4, 2010

Grease Pit or Supersize Me Please!

    Some how even though the sheer odds are against it, I end up behind the only customers in America who have never been to Mcdonald's before. Last time the only thing that kept me a calm customer in waiting, was knowing two of the workers behind the counter who looked as annoyed as I did. Ok maybe what I was looking at was a mirror, but they were not happy either. Not sure what I am talking about? Here is a greatly condenced version of the eaters that always seem to be ahead of me. Taking the fast out of fast food. We all know that even starving Ethipians have at one point in their life, been to a Mcdonalds. And if they could not figure out the complex menu, they had pictures to point to! The menu is also pretty much the same at any location across not only the 50 states, but the world. Yes world. And the menu has not really changed since burgers were 10 cents a piece, yah mc dope.

On my last trip the family had about five people and an overly controlling father who wanted to change everyone's orders after they finely did order. *Stares at menu. Ummm we'd like 5 hamburgers a fake meaty combo and a compresed weiner dog. **Even though they could have ordered a 7 and a 9. But both with ketchup the father adds. And the meat only cooked on one side. I like half of it raw. And cook the lettuce for 22 secs to. Do you have shakes? What kind of shakes do you have? O Timmy is allergic to milk, what kind of pop do you have? Do you have pop? Do you have mc straws? How about curly straws? Soonish the three year old that found a new friend in the parking lot *a lady bug is allowed to order his own food. I want six of those toys the one with the flashing lights and strobes and swords, but no mc girl toys!! *Stretches out arms and "flys" around store lobby for about 22 secounds. And………I LIKE BUGS!! YOU HAVE BUG EYES CASHIER LADY! I WANT A BURGER HOLD the boogies hahahhaha I LIKE BUGS! How many bugs would it take to make a dozen burger patties?? I LIKE BUGS! But I do not want to eat any! Not any more today that is. Hahaha. I'm a spaceship!! The mother is up next, and it soon appears that she has about the same IQ as her son. UMMMMMMMM, what comes in the Mc Chicken sandwich? How is that cooked? What comes in the milk shake? Do you have soy milk? Can I mix an 2 with a number 99 or might that give me hives? Can you tell me what is in a cheeseburger?

I had a hard time not answering the mind numbing questions for her. I mean what's in a milk shake can you tempt my smart ass any more?? Her vegetarian daughter is up next. She is in the wrong restaurant. She is trying to lose weight by not eating anything with a head. She makes up for it by ordering a shake, a pop, a mc pie, some fries, and an double order of mc cookies. Nothing on her menu had a head, but might cause a case of double chins.

The following morning, when it was my turn to order I quickly placed my order and moved to the side. Unfortunatly the order before mine was very complex and took the better part of a half hour to fill. After it was up the father went through each item comparing the actual burgers to the pictures on the signs and counting the number of sesme seeds on buns.

I managed to hold my tounge the entire time. Something I am very proud of. And was soon proudly holding my bag of food. Very soon after I was back in line. I had ordered the wrong combo!

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