Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Hike Ranking 101

Bellingham, WA

Bellingham, WA

Sedona, AZ

Kingman, AZ
     I have been on many a great hike.  And trails seem to become boring very soon after finding one.  Mostly because following a trail usually means some one else has been were the trail leads.  Because of this I have been on some crazy cross country hikes, that usually result in being lost for hours and seem to be moslty up hill.   If any of these hikes had been filmed-I proably would be very rich right now.  And 9 times out of 8, I manage to accomplish the entire trail with near perfect balance, until in the parking lot were the vehicle is parked.  That could be anything from a pickup to an ambulence.  Falling down in a flat parking lot is amusing but brings us to another topic all together.....    Unfortuantly for many city dwelers the entire planet is not yet paved for your walking enjoyment.   This thought wave started years ago, in the outside plant area of an Oregon Wall-Mart.   Were thinking is optional for customers and workers alike ~Always!   A lady was looking at the trees for sale, and apprently fell down on a loose decorative peeble that strayed into the parking lot.  No one  saw the accident, but she wanted to seem very hurt because Wall Mart's pockets are thick.   She limped inside with our manager, to fill out paperwork.   And we, as bored workers, paid by the hour went to excamine the accident area.   One of my co -workers tried to re-inact and overact the scene.  Resulting in him flopping around on the ground, holding his leg while I started to outline his twitching body in a chalk outline on the ground.  We looked up to see the manager with the downed shopper, coming our way to take the rock in as eveidence and jumped off the ground. 

Sneaker waves are bad!

Bellingham, WA

    I have not been on any worthy hikes latly, but hope to have many good to great ones again soon.  I also hope to open another blog sight soonish.   Much of it will be about the great outdoors and awsome hikes.   Following is my ranking scale for how difficult a hike is.
   I can not draw anything, even my cows are stick figures.   So the badge or picture for each you will have to imagine from my descriptions below.  

 Rank 1-4  = Extra Easy             Fresco Kid would rank it two thumbs down.    He will be forever known as a freind that hated anything close to a hike.  And is quoted as saying-- "Why go way up thier, it will look the same as down here, just with being able to see the tops of trees!"      
Picture---  A large Sprawl Mart parking lot

   Rank 5-8 = Easy       Porkchop Approved! *Largish freind of ours that went on a lot of hikes, but was known to disapear, and than be found on the trail rolled up in the fetal position*    One thumb down    
 Picture--- Large fat man holding a hoagie, licking lips, twinkle in his eyes.

   Rank 9-12  = No Bigguns!!      Picture--- Bigger dude looking up the trail.  Wiping forhead just from thinking about the hike.

   Rank 13-15.5 =  4 X4 Zone     Mostly off trail and uphill    Picture--  Trail straight up with a huge X through it.

   Extra supplies needed.     Long trail    easy to get lost area            Picture---  Hungry Man box

   Rank 16-19 = Y?      Lost trail for hours   found again  than relizes been following a deer trail all day
  Picture---   ???

  Rank 20-22 = Like Wow      Billy Goat Gump approved.  This boy can run up a trail backwards while you are panting.      Picture--- A billy goat placing flag at top of a mountain.  On back legs, shinning gold teeth showing.

  Rank 23-25 = Xtra Crazy    Mark and I approved       Picture--- Stick figure falling off a major cliff--spread eagle.   A falling pack and gear falling just behind the hiker.

   Rank 26-27 = Wha!?    Speciel Warnings    Not approved by or for anyone

   Rank 28-30 = Forget it!  Should give up before you try.     Picture---Two hikers standing before a trail that goes straight up.

   Rank 31-33 = F  It!                No Comment    Picture--- Person in hospital bed-leg and arm in cast with only middle finger showing.  Bandaged head.

   Watch Feet----   Snakes/slugs/poo and or other obsitcales on the trail.      Picture---A large boot print in the dirt  huge squisehed Bannana Slug in the middle.

Our truck is 80 miles that way, yo!

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