Monday, January 31, 2011


                                         **"Your about as exciting as an STD!"**

       **"The only way I could be funner is if I made up of half bubble wrap and half boobs."**

   I pause in my caffeine comsuption long enough to pander how tomorrow could possibly be the start of Feb.   I know you don't have an answer either.  But for myself anyway, time is flying by.  I have my unbelievable  mind numbing lulls in the day and week in turn.  Mainly because I am not working at the time.  Their are several reasons for the non working, all good ones, at least in my head.  But I still can't help but feeling like a useless member of society.  Sure I help around the house, and rotate my savings to many a coffee shop, etc.  But I loved my last job and actually loved going to work.  Something I have not been able to say for a long time.   I would like to take this time to thank my last bosses, at least most of them, while I was in Sheridan, Wyoming.   Especially the main store manager.   I recently contacted her, to have a back up plan if I needed to move back home again.  She said how great a worker I was and I would be put back on the work schedule the same day I hit town, if need be.   This means a great deal to me.   And made a somewhat crappy week much better.
    I would like to thank all of my readers.   Although I recently think that myself and my mother are the only people that browse this page.  And take this time to ask you to comment when you can.   I am mainly doing these pages for fun and to improve my greatly slacking writing skills.   I would love to some day take my better pages, edit them, and turn them into a book of sorts.  So your comments, no matter how harsh, are more important to me than you may think.  Secondly if you like what you see, please become a follower of my page.   I hope to soon open a second blog about Whatcom county.   How great it is, and alllll the cheap things you can do around here by your lonesome or as a family.   With tons of pictures.   I hope that that page will soon have paid sponsors.  And the more followers/readers I can prove hit the sight  ---the more easily I can get advertisers.   *Here I feel I need to add that the first time of three that I moved to Bellingham I did no research of the area.  I kept seeing Whatcom on signs and such.   At that point I had no idea that it was the name of the county.  And beleived it was the address to a web sight.  Wondering outloud one day, how one was supposed to know what the rest of the web sight address was, and what the sight went to.  
    Their is a small chance that this might be my last blog.   I have heard it is very hard to write while wearing a straight jacket!   I mention this because tomorrow my girlfriend flys off to Hawaii with her cousin for five days.   She has no worries watching her three kids by herself, and as far as I knew I also had little problems with them by myself.  Although it has been awhile that I have had them all for over 24 hrs.  Either way, for backup --and to even the kid/adult ratio, her brother and her mother are going to help me watch the  kids.  
    I believe I have talked to my friends about my future mother in law.   And am sure many of you have one of your own, so know the fun.   Since moving back to WA, we have got along fine----she doesn't talk about killing me near as much.  And I know that she always means well for the kids and her daughter.  But her helping is often very interesting in any view point. 
     I now apologize ahead of time for whatever version of the above paragraph gets back to her.  And to my readers.  Today's entry was somewhat lame I know.  Maybe because I am typing this one while sober!  Aloha till tomorrow.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Don't like me? Join the HUGE club

    Similar to older people, other people really like being around me, or they can't stand me.  I have noticed after years of being a server that old people are either really really nice, or complete A holes --their is no in between.  This is the same with me  no in between.  The people that despise me the most, are females.  Actually I usually do fine with gals, until I start talking.     My last co workers might be very surprised to learn, that I have actually gotten better at holding my tongue.  *A few annoying workers are the exception.  I was quite possibly close to pure evil to some workers while "working" at Wally World.   And the bad Karma is still following me around, years later.   I often ponder that things are to bad for me, I wasn't that evil to anyone.   Really!   And have determined that in a past life I was a baby killer or something equally as terrible, and am still paying my does for that.   This concept all goes to hell when I recall that I don't believe in reincarnation.
   I must say that I have a long list of people that don't like me to much.  I have not worked at the local Wally World for several years now, and some workers see me enter the store, and instantly stare at the ground still.  I am not writing this to brag, well maybe a little bit is bragging.  Several have a reason to be annoyed with me. 
    This long winded intro leads to the fact that I have run into several people around town this last week that are very annoyed with me.  After a long stare down as we both boarded different buses, I have no real story to report.  Yet.  But they definitely know I am back in town, and have time to round up their bus and smokin buddies before our next meeting.  One has a definite list of reasons to not like me.  Before I left town last time, he and his roommates decided it best to royally screw me over.  One fine day a friend and I did some things that greatly effected their security deposit.  I plead the 5th on what we did, but also hate to admit it was a little to satisfying. 
    So their is a good chance of getting jumped while trying to roam around town for me.  I will try not to write this with a limp.   And am sure I can still type with my nose if all my other limbs are dangling.   It just might take much longer to type any blog.  If you would like to become my body guard or HMO please contact me before it is to late.  If you would also like to kick my as*,  I tend to wear a very bright red hoodie.   This makes for a great target to aim at for drivers also.  

Friday, January 28, 2011

**Mini Rant #5**--Shakin' Not Stirred


      Happy Friday once again!   Time has been flying lately, at least for myself.  Lately, as in since about October.   I am once again sitting here watching it rain---Welcome to Washington!  *That line was first used on me years ago.  I had just entered the outskirts of Bellingham in a huge, breaking down pickup, moving.  I was ready to kill my truck, my helper, his truck, any driver around, etc.   We pulled into a rest stop so both my vehicle and I could cool down.  I was over stressed and dripping sweat.   And tried to buy a cooling pop from the only vending machine.   As  the machine ate my money, giving no refreshing pop, it started to dump rain outside.   My long time buddy and moving helper yelled out "welcome to Washington!"   This feeble attempt at a story has nothing to do with my mini rant, I just thought I would share.  I am over stressed and annoyed in general today, so I am going to keep this rant short so that it does not take on an angry mind of its own and proceed to kick my as* after written.
    In case you have not gotten the memo from past blogs--I enjoy coffee.   Maybe an un healthy enjoyment.  I try to have coffee at home, but one has to get out, and it is way more an mini adventure if you go to a coffee shop.  I am easily amused so yes, this counts as a mini adventure to me.  Shut it!   A major draw back to all of this, is that I do not really like people.   Possibly enforced by always having customer service jobs thus far in my life.   I believe that the  worse part of any coffee joint, no matter how great the spot, is their coffee bar.  Were you add sugar and creamer and all that jazz.  

    I intake a great deal of coffee in the morning, and have long ago learned to not also add sugar to each cup.   You can form your own conclusions to why, especially if you are a reader that has seen my great coffee highs!  So my creamer addition usually takes ten seconds-tops.   I have found that S bucks napkins rock so usually grab one or two, adding maybe two seconds at the bar.   The napkins are great for messy people like myself, and also double as a great snot rag.  That said, or written, I have yet to meet someone remotely close to that speedy at the coffee bar.    Most people I try to remain patient behind, as my coffee smells great and starts going cold, mix such a concoction in their drink, it is like they are making a freaking cocktail.  

    Add some creamer, sugar, milk-taste, wipe mouth, add sugar again, creamer, stir, stare at drink, stir, taste   spit some out---too much sugar!   Dump out some coffee, because it is now way to full of condiments.   Add more to the concoction.   Ask the barista for more coffee  because you now dumped out just a little to much, and than start all over again.   Even if you are doing all this at three in the afternoon, it is way to early in the morning for me to endure.   I just want my coffee!   Fifteen minutes after waiting for three customers to mix the perfect, mind bending, rocket scientist approved drink, I dump in cream and walk away.   Take notes if that helps, but please don't write them at the coffee bar!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

V -Day Countdown

    **"Being the host is the worst job at the wedding, second to being the groom."**
  **The stripper was so ugly--I was thinking about calling the better business board!"**

   Today's quotes do not really have anything to do with my posting.  I thought they were amusing and they kindda -sorta have something to do with relationships.   And believe it or not men, V day is coming up.  The woman in your life knows the exact amount of minutes till the "holiday."   I personally can not stand the day.  And luckily found a woman that feels about the same.   Not saying I do nothing for her--- I do not want to become single again.   Flashbacks to single life and my many bad choices fill my head.   And their are a lot of them.  Single worse being---online dating.   Our official meeting anniversary is near V day.   Near because neither of us is really sure.   Maybe near as in--it's in Feb!   We for reasons I am not going to get into right now, celebrate on Halloween instead.   Definitely an easier day to recall.   And after taking the kids from house to house, we lock ourselves in our bedroom and "search" their candy for razorblades and mostly chocolates.   After that huge sugar high, it is impossible to send the kids to bed, but easy to keep her entertained when they finally do pass out, drooling actual sugar!

   So I am sitting at a brand new Woods coffee joint in beautiful Bellingham enjoying the view out the many windows and of the very talkative gals beside me.  *I pause as I turn my laptop --so they can't read that part*   Coffee joints are every were in the north west.   This one is very kool because it is Woods, and just the setup and building.  I will post a listing of my ratings of many local coffee joints very soon.   I have been slacking, and need to find the hand written copy.   As I sit here I ponder a few things.   First --how can so many good looking gals live in one town.   I have never lived anywhere with such a good ratio, although most of them seem to have two or more kids somehow.  Apparently others found them attractive also.   I am in no way saying that my fiance is not beautiful!   She is also more importantly the best female I have ever met.  Looks don't mean a thing when your a witch to everyone.  
    So back home in Sheridan, Wyoming were men are men and sheep are scared, several things have been happening.   One of my former bosses, new wife I will call her Hoover-because I already do *use your imagination why, house burned down just lately.   And I truly hope she can bounce back fast and fully.   Very recently a former class mate and next door neighbor died.   She leaves a lot of grievers including two sisters.   She lived next door and was in the class just below me in school so it is kind of hard.   What hits even harder-is new news that a huge church group from out of state will be at her funeral to protest.   Because she was in the military, and in short they find military deaths to be a good thing.   Luckily a larger group will be their to morn.  But hearing this angers me beyond belief.  Not just because she was a great friend and playmate growing up.   You will always be remembered!
    Lastly, because I walked to this coffee joint in a rare break in the seemingly relentless rain.   We even saw extended glimpses of the sun today!   Those of you in Sheridan, would not understand how thrilling it is to see the sun.   It snows, quite possibly to much, but it can be all out full sunny outside while it is dumping snow.   Anyways, man you are easily distracted, I have no drivers licence for some reason and walk in between rides.  Bellingham is huge on bikes.   And their are trails and bike lanes everywhere.  The city paid millions to add them, but when you are walking on the sidewalks, you are constantly dodging bikers.  Why do they need to take over the sidewalks too, when they have a huge lane on the road?   I am sure you have no more of an answer than myself, just sayin'  I would like to thank the area for making it so easy to walk or bike anywhere in the city!
    Very soon, I am going to start a new addition to the blog--kind of a recap of things in my life I might have not rambled about, and news topics that are overly interesting to me.  The first one I am going to "cheat" and go back further than a week.   Things for me have been changing like crazy.   For anyone keeping tabs, my fiance and I are getting married soon.   Thus the title, fiance.   We are going to do a small justice of the peace run, and than haul anyone that wants to come to Vegas later on.   Anyways, we have picked a month but not date for our wedding.   And that would be March, clear your calenders.  Whatever, I know non of you care tell the shin-dig in Viva Las Vegas!  I have already had six people volunteer to take pictures than.  We are neither real fond on jewelery, she almost never wears her engagement ring even.  So are toying with the option of getting "rings" tattooed on.    Let me know what y'all think of that idear in my blog comment section.   We are also getting matching tattoos next month.   It will be my first and I will have pictures up after words.  *Non of me crying like a b*tch while getting it*  The Chinese symbol for love ---if anyone is curious.   NOT of a sheep  like so many of you might have guessed--thanks for playing!   Some of this is new news to many of you, please don't call us about it.  *who am I kidding?  
    OK so back to the original "topic" of this blog.   V-day as much as you our I may hate it, is right around the corner.   As I said, we do not really think much of the holiday, but to remain a couple I still come home with something nice to very nice.  She doesn't like jewelry much at all.   And although she likes flowers, they die way to soon.   I found an awesome gift for any of you men wandering around downtown gift shops staring at toasters and random house hold cleaners for gifts.   The answer is no! to those--bad shopper!   They have a new rose out, that smells and looks like a long stemmed rose, but is dipped in awesome goo  and lasts 7+ years!    I am not including a picture of one, because it looks like a rose-Mr Dope.   But they are great.   We have had one in our house for about a year now.  And it looks as good as when I first found it. 
    These are great!   End of story and shopping, yo@!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Super Thoughts OR An Unwatched Pot of Pot May Be Half-Baked

Even the port-ta-pots are super sized!

           **"The healthiest part of a Happy Meal--Might be the toy!"**--The Daily Show

    **"No. Humans will die out. We're weak. Dinosaurs survived on rotten flesh. You got diarrhea last week from a Wendy's."---Sh*t My Dad Says  web sight

  Some very good movies have Super in the title.   Superbad, Super Troopers for example.  Super High Me---  Even after living in Oregon for eight years, I have never tried any drugs.   I drank like a fish during that time, and was defiantly in some hot boxed rooms-were I am sure I got a contact high that would make me loose my job.  But never seeked that kind of fun.   Oregon has more hippies than Woodstock.   And they like to protest.   I am sure they were overly angered that CA and Colorado legalized medical weed way before they did.  Mostly because Oregon residents have been trying for years.   Maybe they were so high that they kept forgetting what they were doing.   Anyways, I went through a whole studying weed phase a few months back.   My fiance has a deterating disease that keeps her in constant pain, and she will only get worse.   At some point, could weed have way more benefits than drawbacks for her?   I watched several stonier movies for research and than stumbled across Super High Me.   Her and I just re-watched this "documentary" and the movie it is making fun of, Super Size Me.   Here are some thoughts:

    In Super High Me a comedian decides to film what would happen after he goes for a month with no pot in take what so ever, and than a month of very heavy use.   He involves doctors and takes several tests each month.  No major complications showed from his month of heavy usage.   In fact his SAT scores went up, and sperm count for some reason on weed.   He also decided that that much usage was over kill because he wouldn't allow himself to drive anywhere and could not recall big parts of days. 
    It's interesting to see him document the medical weed dispensaries in CA because they get busted several times during the short flick.   Although it is recognized and or approved at the state level, federal government still sees it as a crime and highly illegal.   Federal laws outrank still.  But things are made more complicated by how much taxable income the "business" brings the state.    Since the movie was filmed, Colorado has followed suit.  I know for a fact business is booming and at an all time high in Colorado!   And it was reported that for ever Starbucks in the state, their are two such shops.
    I am not sure I learned anything from the movie.   Although it was entertaining.  I guess if something became legal and could help the constant pain, it could easily become a way better and cheaper option than the tons of pills one may need to take.   For far less benefit.  This movie was of course making fun of the much more documentary structured, Super Size Me.
    We also watched this movie on the same rainy afternoon.   I am going to steer away from an underlying theme--- that many Americans are become super sized.   Starting with our kids.   In many schools, the same company's that feed our kids, also mass feed thousands of jail prisoners.   Big manufactures pay big to keep their products in schools.   The movie showed that Texas has like 8 of the fatest cities in America.  Proving once again that everything really is bigger in Texass!
    In the movie the main star eats nothing but Mc Crap for a month.   Much to the dismay of his vegan girl friend.   If the cashier asks him to super size his meal, he does.  And he must try everything on the menu.  Simple rules.   He joins a nutritionist *whose shop closes before the end of the move, because they didn't have enough clients to pay the bills.   And three doctors who monitor this testing.   This movie is kind of hard to watch and defiantly not as entertaining as the last mentioned. 
     My first input is Yuck!   I love Mc Donald's breakfasts, but am rarely up early enough to enjoy one.   The lunches I crave about twice a month.   But have learned that exactly ten minutes after eating a Mc value meal, I need to take a massive dump.   Like if their is not a restroom close by, I will make one.   This is what I call a very cheap enema.   *Which makes me wander two things.    One:   Why is this not brought up in the commercials?    And B: why do places like Wally World sell enemas in two packs?   The thought of no other food for that long makes my stomach turn.   I like food to much for that.   The same results seemed to happen in the movie.  
     Before the end he had gained 15 percent body weight and was feeling over all crummy most days.   He also kind of became addicted to the food.   He felt like crap, until he ate his portions.  Than had a "high" of sorts after eating.  Around day 22 he awoke at 2 am with similar symptoms to a heart attack.  He was not in huge danger, but ALL of his doctors urged him to stop the experiment. 
    It took him about a year to loose the weight he had gained.   The movie also showed how abundant fast food is for everyone.  Not just the Mc Shops although they are proably the most common and well known.   At one point he visited an first grade class.   He held up several pictures to see who the first graders recognized.    One was George Washington----only a few knew whom he was.   One picture was Jesus----very few recognized him.  One child guessed his image was George W Bush.   Close?   The next picture was of Wendy from the Wendy's franchise.   More kids recognized her instantly.   When he held up Ronald Mcdonald---every kid knew whom he was and instantly got happy and very talkative.    Just thought that was overly interesting.  
    Most of his doctors and such said that at most a person should eat fast food twice a month at most.   Never was ideal.    In this fast paced life, the ideal is not very likely for anyone.   Plus randomly the food really is good.  It greatly helps to know and more importantly realize the dangers of this food.   And the helpfulness of striving for a balanced diet.   Not the kind you balance in your lap while driving home.   With exercise and such  *something I keep forgetting, almost any type of food intake is duable.  

Monday, January 24, 2011

More About Wally World--Always!

 Possiably the best South Park yet--
Here is the video of South Park Wal-Mart

  You might very well be on this page.  Take a gander if you have not before.

A group of mine on Facebook.   Check it out!
Great sight for past co workers -or just haters.

Very rare WM red smiley!

  I find this letter very ammusing.  Possiably because I know the writer very well.  Or because I worked for Wally World for 8 long years.   Some how.  I can say, it was a much better company while Sam Walton was still alive.  Anyways, when my buddy finelly got smart after 11 years with the company--this is the letter he added for the bosses when he quit.   Sadly managemtn never contacted him for his insight.   Maybe sader still   he ended up taking another retail job.   But at a much better company.   Enjoy!

I, hereby tender my resignation from Wal-Mart
I, XXXX XXXXX, hereby tender my resignation from Wal-Mart.

Some parting thoughts:

...I started working at Wal-Mart in the mid-80s because I thought it was a respectable, value-based company that would provide stable long-term employment. Over the course of eight years—and seven different stores—it became clear that the company’s focus was not, in fact, on customer service and respect for its employees.

In a capitalist, consumer-based society, any for-profit business’s main objective is to achieve a marginal financial gain each year. I believe Sam Walton was achieving this goal, as well as maintaining a high level of respect for his customers and employees. It has become increasingly clear, since Sam Walton’s death, that Wal-Mart is solely focused on high profit margins and market domination.

Many companies tend to practice this approach—both eyes on the bottom line, and neither on the very people who are making those successes happen. This practice, which inevitably oppresses employees, will ultimately result in the demise of these companies.

This lack of respect also results in the hiring and promoting of unqualified, inadequate managers.

Any associate with good values and a conscience can see that this practice has become more prevalent in recent years, obviously for the sake of company growth and profitability. This fact creates animosity within lower-level associates toward both management teams and the company as a whole.

On several occasions, I was encouraged by managers to pursue entry into the management training program. A reasonable individual would not pursue such a career for a company that has such little respect for its employees. Managers are trained to manage product, not individuals, thus creating an inadequate and ineffective business atmosphere. Because of this practice, customer service at Wal-Mart has become deplorable.

Society in general is seeing this because such a great number of people have worked and shopped at Wal-Mart. A prime example of this truth is in the number of times the company has been sued in recent years; the lawsuits haven’t piled up because of the company’s sheer size but because of its neglect of its own employees, and thus, its customers.

The benefits that a company offers should reflect the degree of success it has had. In Wal-Mart’s case, they do not and never have. It’s obvious that the company is shifting its profits toward expansion—particularly in areas where markets are already saturated by Wal-Mart stores—rather than to the development of employees and customer relations.

Appointed CEO Lee Scott has repeatedly stated that the reason for this expansion is to keep Wal-Mart’s stock price rising—to benefit its investors. I know for a fact that’s just one way to provide revenue for investors. This can be accomplished in other ways: Reinvest a greater portion of profits into improvements in training programs, equipment, and employee benefits packages. These changes would result in more satisfied employees, happier customers, and a global perception of Wal-Mart as a respectable company.

I believe that Sam Walton’s values were more geared toward the employee; since his passing, the company’s direction has shifted more toward higher profit at any cost. I believe this approach does produce great profits—though they’ll be brief—because it strays from Sam’s original business directive: to provide lower-income families with good products at a reasonable price, while providing a satisfying, rewarding work experience for his employees.

The Walton company’s current regime is building a fragile success upon this fact: Wal-Mart sells, at a low price, disposable products to a throwaway society. I believe Sam would be impressed with the company’s sheer size and growth over the years, but would be disgusted by the company’s ignorance of its own founding principles.

Wal-Mart was founded on good business values and a focus on customer service. Now success is measured by a pure profit-to-growth ratio, without valuing its customers’—or its employees’—role in the modern business environment.

Upon request, I can provide numerous examples of the negligence and ignorance of Wal-Mart management. Each year I hoped that this trend would turn around, but it only grew worse.

During my tenure at Wal-Mart, I’ve met two assistant managers—neither in this store—that were worthy of the title Assistant Manager. These two individuals had both people and product management skills which were not, I know for fact, derived from the Wal-Mart training curriculum. They possessed these skills naturally, as very few people do.

The thing that I’m most upset about is that I’ve wasted eight years working for this horrible company.

My employment with Wal-Mart gave me a negative mindset and resulted in lower self-worth, a lack of respect for individuals, and depression. That’s why I’m greatly pleased with myself for ending this horrible chapter of my life.

My prediction and hope is that, within the next decade, Wal-Mart will begin to lose stock value and investors will realize that the company is on a steady decline from its once high level of greatness and respect, much like the inevitable fall of Rome.

Although I feel this way, I’d like to offer an opportunity to Wal-Mart’s board of directors: For the price of my travel and lodging expenses, which I know they can afford, I’d deliver a few lectures at the Arkansas office—at no additional cost—on how the company can maintain its profitability while being respectful of its employees. However, I know this offer will not be accepted, because closed, greed-focused minds would never appreciate positive, progressive thoughts on modern business techniques.


Former Wal-Mart employee

Friday, January 21, 2011

**Mini Rant #4** Bus Woes


   I would like to start by saying that Washington has one of the best bus services around.  I am not only saying this because it is my main transportation around town.  The last place I lived in didn't have a bus service at all.  So compared WTA is gold!  If done right, and you have enough free time, you can ride public transport across the entire state.   And it won't cost you much.  It is waaaaaay more reliable and on time than Greyhound.   And once you are in Bellingham, you can catch a bus every 15 minutes.   Living in the boon docks aka BFE, getting rid of all free bus transfers is a little harsh.  But a month bus pass here, unlimited rides is still only 25 bucks.  Compared to most big city's that's a deal and a half, plus worth some inconvenience.  
    That mouthful said, my rant today is about Flex drops.   With budget cuts and such, buses out of town are more limited than ever.  It takes over an hour to ride the bus to places like Blaine.   But it is were I call home at the moment.  Several of the few routes include Flex stops.  Riders, mainly in beautiful, water slide less Birch Bay, can call in ahead of time, and get dropped off or picked up basically at their front door.   What convience!   Unless you are a rider that doesn't reside in Birch Bay.  The other day, we suffered through exactly 12 Flex stops.  And got to tour Birch Bay for 45 minutes.  
    After the great tour, I eventually got dropped off at the Blaine supermarket.  Not my front door by the way.   And than walked the mile plus to my home.  This is fine, last time I checked I was able bodied and not afraid of a few thousand rain drops.   But most of the people getting off at their own front doors were also very able bodied.   Most the other day seemed to be teenagers. 
    Walking is good for you, and maybe more people my age and younger should walk much more.   Plus a long walk could give some the valuable time to toke it up before they get home to mommy and daddy that don't know their kids smoke.  If these people were handicapped, kids, or over 80 I would be all for being patient while the bus driver got lost looking for someones driveway.   But otherwise if I can walk, I'm pretty sure the teenagers can too.   Drink some more coffee for energy, grab a backpack and some balls!   Or better yet, stay off the bus.

Wandering and Swimming Down the Road

Ferndale, WA 1/19/11

Lets BBQ!?

                                            **"Paddle faster--I hear banjos!"**

    G' day all!   I am sitting here this fine Friday morning, sipping coffee, still overly sick, and watching it dump down rain once again.   The over paid weather man says it is supposed to clear up, and turn to sunshine starting tomorrow.   I won't believe that one till I see it.   I say over paid ---because I can do his job.   With  no real ed-u-mication.   Winter time = 60-90 % chance of rain.  Summer time = All out sun, yo!  *point at the map- to show which areas are flooding this week.   If any TV stations are hiring, I am in need of a job AND have that perfect radio face!  Plus I want a styling yellow rain coat.  Later today I will add my "mini rant."  Yeah for you!
    Today is my fiance's youngests birthday.   He is turning 7 which still trips me out, because when I first met them he was 2 an a half.   I can say that if I had even half the energy he has, I could hold down three full time jobs.  Tomorrow is his birthday bash at our house.  It could be interesting because about 40 kids have been invited.   And several were invited by him, to spend the night, were not sure how many.   Luckily plenty of adults will be present.   Bring on the coffee, yo!

    Two days ago, I was roaming around the big  city of Ferndale and missed the hourly bus, by like five minutes.   I could see the bus coming, but was not any were near a bus stop.   Drivers are picky about stopping in the middle of Main Street.   I swear I saw the driver step on the gas, as I ran toward the actual bus stop, arms flapping in the air.   I did not make that bus.   And had an hour to kill.  You can walk the length of Ferndale in half an hour. 
    I ended up going under the highway and ending up at the park their.   I am not sure of the name.  It was a nice, well needed walk.   And if nothing else, I learned that my new leather coat is water proofed!   I also re-learned that when it rains every day, and you walk on the grass.  You sink about three feet.  Eventually the rain moved on, for awhile.  And it was just me and nature. 
   I was quite a ways from the actual river, but the results of the constant rain were very noticeable. 

    I have been to the park before in the summer time.  First off it was much dryer.   It was also much more active.  We played a mean game of horseshoes.   And wandered to the top of some of the towers to see the view.  *You can see the wetlands and birds -thats about it.   Save yourself walking up 88 stairs.   The pictured huge barn is also open.   Behind it is many animals to view from huge rabbits to turkeys that survived Turkey day. 
   Several people live on sight to help explain country life to city kids.  Things like --you don't pull on the cows tail to milk it.  And why you can't gather eggs from that angry lookin' buffalo.  Just down from all this fun, is the river.  Right now it is running very fast, and is very muddy.   It is also not staying in it's banks well.   Bad river!  
    Both times I have been out here--I really enjoyed the experience.  Please enjoy the pictures.


Wednesday, January 19, 2011

What's That Bright Light In The Sky?

    Those of us that reside in the great north west forget what the sun is during the winter.  Their are certainly worse weather conditions that come with winter time than daze on end of cloudy, dark, gloomy skies.  But it really does start to mess with your head after awhile.  And many of us don't have much left to mess with!  I have only been back for a month, and noticed today that the sun is bright!  I realize even your six year old knows this, but the sun seldom breaks through the layers upon layers of grey.   And when it does, everyone walks around squinting, wishing they could recall were they put that pair of sun glasses. 
    Rain is not all that hard to deal with.  After awhile you get your webbed feet, and float on with life.  But days in a winter row, you just see clouds and dankness.  If it is going to be gloomy, it should rain in my book.  Please note my book is very blank so far.   I'm getting used to Christmas rain again, and worries of flooding instead of thinking about waking up shoveling mountains of snow.  But way before winter is over, the gloom grows old. 
    It even has it's own medical condition.  I can't recall the name, but it sounds like faaaaaaa-on-you!   You live here, get used to it.   Welcome to Washington, and or Oregon!  That off my chest, you can purchase light boxes for your houses to help you cope.  Through the day, the box simulates the sunshine and gets brighter through the day.  I imagine they are very expensive and very boring boxes.  But I am easily amused, so might just sit in front of it, basking in the fake light.   Saying "ooooH bright light!"  
    Coffee shops are also overly abundant to help you deal with the constant dark skies.   And give an instant boost of energy.  True natives do not need umbrellas ever.  And they can be spotted by being heavily soaked.   You can also spot a native by looking at their feet.   Not for webbed toes, I made that up.  But equally as stupid, they love to run around in sandals with socks on.  I am not sure what this accomplishes beyond cold and damp feet.  But to each your own.   You also soon learn to not steep off of sidewalks onto grassy patches.  You will slow sink several feet.  
    The northwest summers make up for the winter.   One year in Eugene, OR--We saw 55 days in a row of straight, full on sunshine.   The residents are so happy to see that bright light in the sky again, they have festivals constantly.  

Monday, January 17, 2011

Sick o Being Sick

    So in week two of this grand flu that everyone seems to have, but no one can get rid of.  I am almost glad that I have no job to suffer through, while also attempting to cough up a lung.  Although it is always great to share, soon making everyone at work as miserable as yourself.  In between coughing, all of this down time makes me feel like a useless member to society.  I really haven't been job looking, because something about wandering around in the pouring rain, does not seem like a quick cure all for the flu.  So, to feel somewhat productive, I have updated my FB status 22 times and am now typing today's blog addition.   I am in hopes that I have so much flu medicine in me, that it will be a highly amusing article.  It is more likely that it will be even more misspelled than normal and harder to follow than my last phone call with my grandparents.  I have decided that if you can explain something to a grandparent--you can explain it to anyone.
    Now I have to ask if sick people should go to work?  Flu/puking/green faced sick people.  Not those of you that are sick in the head.  That is a job requirement for many work places now.  I never seem to have medical coverage or paid time off,  so going to work no matter what is usually the option chosen.   Working in a restaurant the last year, I was much more careful about staying home when overly sick.  Others their were not.  We had a dishwasher that prided himself in leaving some food on the cook line for the customers.   Wait!  he prided himself for coming to work a week straight, while overly sick.   It's nice to share most of the time, but not when you work around food all day.  
    He is the kind of person I want to lick on the face when I do get the flu.   To thank him for spreading the disease.  Notice I say when I get it, because you know everyone in the work environment will get some mutant strand of his disease.  I can see were you might go to work sick, or thorough the drive through down the street.   Cooking while sick is no picnic ether.   But those fools that roll out of their death bed, put on sweats over their pj's and than go shopping , to cough all over the store  really irk me.   Wait till you are better to buy that 64 pack of Twinkies dam it!   As a cashier in a store, it is really fun.   Someone hands you money, which is always clean, and than hacks in your face while you count their change back to them.  "My doctor said this cough is caused by something new, they do not even have a name for it yet.   Isn't that thrilling....."    It is because, surprise I now have it too!   The worse part may very well be going to the doctor.  They poke and prod you with cold instruments.  And than happily proclaim that you are sick!   26 pill bottles later you are sent home to suffer away from them.  While the doctor prods someone else and counts all his money. 
    In a household when the flu hits you usually just pass it around.  The least sick person becomes the caretaker.  And in the end, the others all go off to play while the caretaker stays under the covers with a mutant strand of everyone Else's sickness.  

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Lazy Saturday--Except for the lizard in my bed.

                                     **"Saturdays are spelled L-A-Z-Y!"**---Garfield

                                      **"After Tuesday, even the calender says WTF!"**

    Today seems to be Saturday.  It's funny how no matter how bad the week is, the daze of the week are always in the same order.  It's a very lazy Saturday, which is the best kind.  I have been drinking coffee, posting ads on Craigslist, drinkin' coffee, checking my e-mail, coffee drinking, peeing a lot--from all that beverage drinking, and avoiding watching any cartoons at all costs.  All of this free time has made me also start thinking about alllll of the things I did not accomplish this week.   At the same time it has made me think about a favorite story of mine.  Although it was a traumatizing night of sorts.   I tend to retell my own stories to much when I am drunk.  This means I either need to constantly find new friends to tell the stories to, have more adventures, or just consume enough beer that I don't care if the people want to hear my story again or not.  This story my girl friend actually asks me to tell once I am nice an tipsy.  I fear, like most of my rambling, it will loose a lot in the written form.   I tell stories much better verbally.  Hopefully this is not true and you enjoy.  If not, I'm sorry --but I have today's blog done!
    One night several years back I feel into a rare, deep deep sleep.  The kind of sleep were your eyes thank you in the morning, and you wake up in a pool of drool, wishing you had a snorkel.   With out my knowledge or consent, my right arm was also in a deep sleep.  It went numb from about the elbow down to my fingers.   Somewhere along the line, as I was flipping over in bed.  Laying their drooling.   My left hand brushed across my numb arm.  My brain did not recognize the feeling at all.  And I was instantly freaked out and startled awake.   Half awake at best.  With sleep sand still filling my eyes, I kept feeling the dead arm with my good arm.  I didn't know I was feeling my numb arm.   And my sleepy self was telling me something was in my bed.   Something that should not be in my bed!  And within seconds I was sure a lizard had somehow picked me as a bed mate.   I instantly decided that I did not want to be bed mates with a lizard.  And that if one could find me, maybe it's whole family was nearby.
    This prompted me to try and lean up in bed even more.   Unfortunately I tried this with my lame arm.  This resulted in my head hitting the sheets.  Drool and all.   This put me closer to the attack lizard!   And caused my face to drip.  Deciding the lizard could have the bed all to it's fine self, at least until I could find something to squish it with.   I than decided it best to bail up and out of the bed.   Way out if at all possible.  
    Again unfortunately my legs were tangled in the bed sheets.   And I very ungracefully landed head first on the floor.  Inches from my bed.  I would score it an 2.5 out of 10.  My feet trapped in the sheets, still on the bed.   It took awhile to get off the floor, because my arm was still very numb and my feet very tangled.  
     After getting up, sleep was out of the question.   And I was up for the day.  

Friday, January 14, 2011

**Mini Rant** 03 I'm sorry, your sorry that I'm not sorry!


    I have started a new section to the blogs called "mini rants"    I slowly have incorporated them into Facebook when I am overly disgruntled.  I hope to add a new one on here every Friday and at some point would like to do them in movie form, so you can hear my anger.   If you as the reader, have anything that really annoys you---- add it to my comments section    and it might become my next rant.    This one actually is published on a Friday--yo!

                       I'm sorry, your sorry that I'm not sorry!     Thanks for playing!         

   **"I'm sorry" two of the most useless words in the human language. Suppose it sounds good & makes one feel good, but is completely useless to the other person."**---Cliff notes from Professor Getty

   I had to recently give a condensed version of all of this to someone.  OK didn't have to, but those of you that know me well know that it's hard to tick me off, but when it happens, it's not purdy.  People around me have learned that speeches are fine tuned and not fun for the receivers.  In this, I will be gentle. 
    Last week I talked about no one taking responsibility for their own actions.  Hand in hand with that, everyone seems to be sorry.  About what they did, what they didn't do, who they did. Example: I forgot to drive you to your new job today, and than you got fired, and robed while waiting in the rain---and for that I am sorry.  That's great that they are sorry, but it doesn't help in any way.  The words sound good.  But are over used.   People are sorry about anything.   When you ask them what their sorry is going to do for you, they have no clue  they are just sorry.   Words mean things, last I checked. 
    One time we spent a week, not getting phone service hooked up.  Luckily it took so long, that we found a new/better service in town and called, wait got a hold of them.  And had phone service in two days.  Another week of hassles with the other company to try and cancel the services and get our deposit back.   Several times the operators hung up on us.   One was when we asked how with three children, we were supposed to call 911 if something bloody happened.  They soon replied that we should call 911.  And we kept wondering how loud we would have to yell down the street to accomplish this with no phone service.   Wondering into a dial tone, because the operator had once again hung up on us.  Before that she kept saying how sorry she was.   Sorry acting?   Sorry that she had picked up the call from us?   More than likely, she had her own problems.  Maybe she was at that moment on hold with her Internet provider.  That was sorry she had received no Internet for three months, but was still sending out a pay or disconnect notice. 
    Everyone is sorry.   But they are not always sure why.  And they don't know how to remedy what they did.  Comcast keeps running commercials about how great service they give.  To make up for how crappy their service really is.   Before that they ran ads saying how sorry they were that they overcharged hundreds of customers.  Recall that fun?   They sent out checks to tons of customers because they had been skimming off them for years.   Were they sorry that they stole.  Or sorry that they got caught by some dam watch dog organization? 
   With the addition of computers and call centers, a whole new annoyances is emerging.  After verifying you live in America and yes do know English.   You have to push a series of buttons to continue talking to the machine.   All of the real operators are sorry they lost their jobs.  Eventually the computer tells you it is sorry for your incovience, prompts you to call back during the hour long business hours each  day, or visit their new call center in South Ball Africa, and than promptly hangs up.   Call centers are about as much fun, except you are not really sure if the person said they were sorry, or that they liked tacos!
    After childhood, saying your sorry is far from cute.   The "puppy dog' eyes just aren't as effective when the person looking at you is 89.   If you need to join the masses, and use those two words.   Please have a remedy to attempt to fix what you have done.   You don't have to follow through.  But having some kind of plan or way of making it up to me, means a huge amount.  Saying I'm sorry--means nothing to me-thanks for playing!


Thursday, January 13, 2011

24 Hours in The Great NorthWest, yo!


                                              **"My poo smells like roses!**---April Adams
                                 **"You can't blame it on a blond moment, if it lasts 18 years!"**
     **"Is that all the drugs they found? No one must have check upstairs."**---Willie Nelson

   Hello!   So I am sitting here this fine Thursday at a great coffee joint, watching people with actual lives, get rained on.  This joint has a great view of downtown Bellingham, and all of it's varied characters that make an awesome town, and or blog.  I have also decided that I visit the place to much.  Despite three separate moves to this town, with year long gaps in between, one of the coffee mixers always recalls me!  I am terrible with names, partly because I give most people a code name, and than quickly forget their real name.  And partly because I move all the time.  Each place and job has the same type of people, just they look different and have different names.  I am very good with faces though.   Although working with the public for so long, kind of makes all the faces blend together also.
    I am going to continue straying way off topic and tell two things at the front of my mind this moment.  First, did you see that Willie Nelson just got arrested for drug possession?  They found something like nine pounds of pot in his house.  And he said, "Is that all they found? No one must have checked the upstairs."  This has nothing to do with anything, but might well be my best quote of the week.  And on to exhibit B, one of our cats royally hated me this morning, because she was locked in the bathroom while I was taking a poo.  I was still asleep and found it rather amusing while sitting their.   Luckily my poo smells like roses!  OK, only if the roses you get have been dead for a month, and were nourished with sun and sewer water.
    OK, on a real topic of sorts.   In case you have not gotten the memo, I have lived in Wyoming for the last year, and just recently moved back to Washington state.   Wyoming has deeply cold winters that bury you in in-human cold and snow, and last about 9 months.  Give or take a month or two.  The worse side effect might be that it gets cold enough to freeze your boogers inside your nose. Which is way more uncomfortable than it might seem.  Another bad one is that if you have a white car, and park it outside, you can easily loose it. On the other hand they are used to snow, and lots of it, and the roads are clear before you know it.  Causing many highly disappointed school kids.  Washington, does not see much snow.  They get a few flakes and everyone panics.  They see upwards to a foot of snow and towns shut down.  Snow plows are shipped in from dry parts of the state.  People get desperate and tie snow shovels to the front of their cars so they can leave their driveways.  Drowning and shock from seeing the sun in the winter are far bigger threats in WA.

    Tuesday night a fluke storm moved through and dropped about nine inches of snow on us.  School was canceled so we as a household slept in.   People would not get in their cars unless they had to go somewhere.  And commutes to work were delayed.  By mid morning, the youngest and I went out exploring.  The snow was already mostly piles of slush.  But few were on the streets under the age of twelve.  That evening the rain returned.  And before dark, it was hard to find any signs of snow around.  The following morning, it was still raining and 50 outside. 
    I like seeing four actual seasons.  Wyoming has awesome summers, but they are way to short.  I have seen it snow up on the Rockies in July.  Arizona has spring and than summer all year long.  And the heat is just to much.   Winters in the north west take getting used too.  You definitely have to get used to rain, and have to earn your webbed feet.   To help with the transition is great places, people, and a coffee joint every five feet!

Monday, January 10, 2011


True Dat!
                  **"If thier is no caffiene, what is it for!?"**---Grant Miller

  First I want to thank my small group of readers.  No matter what brought you to the sight.  Please add comments -it will help me improve and or learn from my bad writing, yo. I also have been slackin' at postin' lately.   Coffee is my best friend, but we got a bad batch of coffee grounds lalty.  Juan Valdez isn't watching his quality control enough I fear.  If you add enough sugar and such, it's drinkable  but still not what I would call good.  But caffeine is still added!  
    When I first moved back to the great state of Wyoming, is Wyoming still a state?  If you could find a resident brave enough to go outside in the winter time, you could ask one.  Anyways, when I first moved to the state, I was living with my parents.  They quickly found coffee for me in the mornings.  I assumed since they awoke so early, that they drank real coffee.  Sleeping in is 5 am.  After about four days of drinking a ton of coffee and never really waking up, I stood in the middle of the kitchen, bitchin' about just that.  I figured my tolerance had really went up, because that certain day I had drank a pot of coffee, and was no more awake than before the first drop.  As I was explaining all of these deep problems, my mother was laughing a great deal.   "I have something we need to tell you." she soon proclaimed, and than told me that I had been drinkin' decaff so far that week.
    This was wrong on many levels!  I do not understand decaff coffee on many levels.  But now know more than I want to about the magic liquid helping you go poop, no matter if it is decaff or full caff.  And I than begged them to get me a steaming cup of Star Bucks coffee!
   A few weeks back, I did not rinse out my favorite coffee cup very well, and my favorite drink tasted a lot like soap!   Since the coffee drink makes you go poop, I instantly started to wander if my farts would also blow bubbles.   I did not test this, but if you know the answer, please let me know.  This topic brings us to a long standing argument at our house.  Most people hear the story and are to grossed out to answer the argument.  If you have any insight, please add to my comments.
   One day my girlfriend and I, had a lazy Sunday sleeping in.   I half asleep, decided to pull the covers over her head and fart.  As when your drunk, sleepy ideas are better off left in your head.  I, into the game a little to much, and still partly asleep, pushed a little to hard.  Resulting in some poo in my shorts.  But just a lil bit, mind you!   While she was confused and angered by the green haze in the bedroom, I changed my shorts.  Short story shorter, we now constantly argue about that fine morning.  I say their is a huge difference between squeezing out a little poo and all out crapping your pants.  She says it's all gross and or the same thing.   Let me know what you think.
   I realize this last story has nothing to do with coffee.  Although the poo probably looks and tastes about as good as the coffee we have right now.  But I like to leave people with interesting to morbid visuals in their head!

S Bucks newest cups.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Pests Besides Me

Fish Flavored Water!!

                                               **89.2% of all my stats are made up!**
    I am sitting here this fine day thinking how fine the day has been.  How fine last year was, and how great this year has been so far.  I have a lot to be thankful for right now.   Today's additions are---actually seeing sunshine, finding out my last pay check turned into two paychecks.  I somehow got vacation time, and being in the second coffee shop of the day!   It's the little things that make me smile.   I was bad mouthing the long buss ride leading up to my day of slacking in town, and following the day.  But at least this area has a bus.  You would freeze your butt off, frozen under a snow  drift waiting for a bus in Wyoming.  Only to be re-discovered in the summer time.  Mainly because Wyoming towns do not have bus service. 
   Some, or everyone may say that free time gives me to much time to think.   This entry could well be proof of that!
    Last winter at a restaurant that will remain un-named, if you worked with me, you might very well know the establishments name!  We had a small problem with mice.  The restaurant was warm, had lots of hiding places, and was full of food.   Almost a rodent motel it was.  One night when we were about to close, all of the customers were gone, two of my great co workers came running out of the dinning room, gabbing about a mouse under one of the booths.    I was sure I was swift and sure aimed, and could catch the tiny enemy with a coffee cup.   They seemed to think I was not that quick. 
    I slowly crouched under the table, hangin' off one of the booths, cup hovering in the air ready to pounce on the fury foe.   The audience was sure I would fail, sure from across the room.   Finally I was ready to capture Mickey Mouse Jr.   Somewhat even amazing myself, the cup consumed the mouse, and he was captured.   The others crept closer, bewildered at my speed.  
    As I partically moved the cup, I noticed this was a very inactive creature.  Maybe he was just playing possum.  As I fully pulled the mug away, the limp rodent  landed on the ground with a thud.  I was quickly dismayed to learn that I had caught a dead mouse.   It takes years of practice, to be that fast!

    This reminded me of years ago, while still living in Arizona.  We had a very awesome cat.  A rare statement for me.  I dislike 98% of all cats.  **89.2% of all my stats are made up!**  But this one was very kool, and would roam the fence line at night, kickin the other poor cats butts if they dared come in our yard.   George liked to bring us home prizes all of the time.  From birds to bugs.   And presented them all very proudly.   One day I was alone at home, something very rare in a house of five.  And decided to be very productive of this time and take a long nap.   I was on a couch right under a window.   Soon after hitting dreamland, I started to hear a loud scratching noise above my head.   It was suddenly followed by the cat flying through the window and landing on my stomach.   He bounced into the living room and ran off.   I was still mostly asleep, and this was a very rude awaking on it's own.   My eyes fully opened to something bloody now in my lap.   As I propelled up and off the couch, visions of severed heads or hands bounced around in my head.  When several feet away from the couch I had time to look back.   Fluttering around on the couch was a half dead, highly mangled bird.   My heart started to beat regularly again as George returned for his prize.  

New State Mottos? Or Gypsy Tails

  I tend to move a lot.  Always have.   My family and I constantly rotate the Earth in a completely random moving pattern.  

                AZ-  Land of the sweating sun.  Only things grow here are cactus and snakes.  I had several way to close calls with snakes while in the state.  One was a neon orange snake.  I did not get a great look at it, while I was running the other way, but am positive it was a snake and not say a garden hose.  I can not find one like it in any book, or online.  But am sure the bright colors mean it was bad ass and dangerous.   And everything is sharp and or wants to eat you.     I think is the heat, it just pisses animals and people off.    More people moving here than any other state.   Y?   I just sold my 80  and got an 10 acre track home landscaped in dirt.  The landscape changes every time the wind blows.  So daily.  It is 80 outside in the winter, and I am never more than 10  minutes from a Wal-Mart!   Ok maybe I should not do commercials for the state tourism board.  If you have road rage at all, stay away.  People in this state can carry guns as long as not concealed.  And they do.  And they do happily!   Like one strapped to each limb.     Getting cold in the desert--- We have had almost a month of cold.  I left 3 states to get away from cold.  Know it says nothing in the brochures about freaking cold.  It is supposed to always be hot here=desert!   I swear it says something about 24 hrs of sunshine.!
    Snow in hell-- heard rhomers and threats about snow in the desert but didn’t think it was true.  How can it snow were it is 120 in the shade?  Did just so the other day.  Nothing was sticking of course.  And the kids were way to excited.  Just means we have lived in the land of the sweating sun to long.  They /I have forgotten what the white stuff is.  Easy down front, not talking about Coke--this time.  I grew up were that’s all it does, snow that is.  Ok to be fair, only 9 months out of the year.  Coke is probably all a lot do their to.  Cold dark wet , and they wander why the pregnancy rate is so high.  What else is their to do?  If I still lived their I would probably have 22 kids, and my own baseball team! 
      Valley fever--- No it’s not support for your favorite valley team.  I was just diagnosed with that.  Apparently there is so much loose dust blowing around, beyond getting in your eyes, and mouth, it gets in your lungs.  And makes some people sick.  The entire state, that isn’t under buildings mostly wal marts, is blowing dust.  An actual plus for the box stores, they keep acres and acres of dirt from blowing in your face.  Also priceless in covering up those annoying swamps and ponds that used to mark the edge of town!  Unless the runoff from the store makes the swamps glow a bright green in the middle of the night.  Again, I should not do publicity for any organization, probably including my own books.  “Buy this book to keep me….. See?       So apparently there are two cures.  Stop breathing in the dirt, or move.  Or you can take a horse pill every day for the rest of your life in AZ!  When do you stop taking the pill?  When you have your U Haul blasting down the highway, dust clouds at your back, laughing at alllll the U Hauls heading toward AZ! 

                Oregon----   Always wear your rubbers when IT'S wet!   Everything grows their, once you get used to your webbed feet.   Could throw a bag of bagels in front dirt covered yard, well mud covered, and have grass growing a week later.    Balls itching constantly first moved their.    Try working with that.  Jump around the corner to help customer,
As you try to scratch with your mind.  And than hurry the customer along.      Major teams the ducks and beavers, so intimidating they both are.    Hikes, always waiting to trip into someone’s pot field.  We were usually on private property in the middle of no were lost.  Never did find anything kool.    Hikes usually involved 2 of us, no one else went on a second hike with us.   Falling down hills, while lost  saying this is why were single!    Buddy extremely scared of spiders.  I always reminded-they don’t eat much.  Id be ahead busting out a trail, hear loud screaming.   Rushing back, thinking he fell off a cliff-he standing their, holding self, pointing at a spider.  Like hiking with a gal!    Course he knew I was equally or more scared of snakes.  Randomly through sticks at my yelling, it’s a flipping snake!!   Hours of fun.    Hikes with Pork Chop.  Larger boy that went on more than one hike with us!   One long ass hike, going straight up this huge ridge trying to beat a rain storm.  Meaning their was a break in the rain---it was summer!     We lost sight of him, and could not hear heavy breathing any more.   Look back and he is curled in the fetal position way down the hill.   Resting.    We have no pic  so to this day   he claims not in fetal position.    Sneaker waves--
-  Beaver state---mostly just saw them dead on the road.   Taxidermist friend, stuff them in diff sex positions for around the house. 

                Washington---    Major tourist sight for me, very first S bucks in Seattle,  cause it is dark and gloomy every day.  They actually sell boxes of light their.  That  simulates the sun coming up and setting.  What a racket.  What do you do?  Well I sell lights to gloomy people that are sick of 360 daze of rain.    Others not as impressed.  I recall scaring the crap outta two locos while asking them to take my picture in front of the, in my head famous building.  Beautiful country though, mtns. Bays ocean o my!  People not from the great north west, do not understand how important coffee shops are.  Makes the daily clouds not as bad, and makes you o so mellow.     They sell light boxes.   And it is so depressingly dark so much of the year, you want to buy one.  Sets off a sun like glow that dims some during the day   in your house.  And the coffee houses are every were.  It would even take someone that became jobless from spending so much time drinking coffee, their life to hit even half of the coffee houses in WA.  So maybe they could hit half of the Starbucks in the state!  They are on every corner kind of like Walgreens.  You can sit in one and wave at the drinkers on the other 3 corners.   With so many new stores opening.  Soon they will have to open a new s bucks inside the restrooms of the current locations.  How awkward is that, you sound like you are having trouble in their sir, here is a special brew, we call it our pooping potion!  You have beenur away from your caffeinated beverage for awhile now, can I freshen it up?  Baristas, double as towel holders when you are done in the restroom.  Do those workers never have to wash their hands, because they don’t actually leave the bathroom?    After three years in AZ, it is so strange to be were there are liquor stores again.  You can buy any kind of beverage, from beer to hard A at Wall Mart in AZ.  Usually on isle number 13.  Truly makes it one stop shopping for any red neck.  I got my bullets, tequila, hair dye, dog food, fishing licence, denture cream, and diapers in one stop y’all!  Plus they have drive through liquor stores their.  You can’t drink and drive, but…   Sometimes I am sure they become actual drive though stores, after the driver has had twenty to many drinks.  And the liquor stores close early in these states.  You have to think about and plan a party early to have the appropriate beverages. 

                Montana ---Big sky country.     Reasonable and prudent.   Used to have no speed limits.   *reasonable and prudent.    Which meant you made the highway patrol happy, or you got a ticket.  If it was snowing, blowing, and raining, and your sports car had bald tires as you were going 120, backwards through a school zone you might as well have fun with the cop, cause  it was reasonably to think you were not prudent and going to jail.   Do not pass go.      To many people died and they went back to having speed limits.    But most of the roads are so wide open.   About the only thing  to hit   is sage brush.    Or cows,  actually saw a Geo hit a  cow.  If it wasn’t a cowpact before  it became one.    So boring, and they only fix the roads in tar patchworks, not a whole road at a time.  I can not recall whole parts of the trip home,   and can’t connect it to drinking  solely boredom!

                Wyoming---  Sheep, they aren’t just for wool!   Sheep are safe!   Claims to fame are being the cow boy state, and being the equality state.   Goes down hill from their.   Sheep constant joke.  Wear Velcro gloves in public once and it follows you for life.  Story bout --- cow & sheep trailers I will tell soon. 
                S Dakota----   We got more snow than  residents.   At least they have Mount Mushmore and tourist traps every were.  Why would anyone else want to go their, except to get away from N Dakota.  = we got more snow than S Dakota!!   I am sorry for anyone from their, not because I am about to make fun of the dreaded state, but because you have once lived their---or worse yet   have to go back their after your vacation. 
New York   -  We survived  9-11  now we have a reason to be rude.
N.J.  -- The Statue of Liberty is on our side---look it up!
CA.  Were taking over  one state at a time.  Or learn how to swim, before we fall into the ocean.
Colorado--The other square state.     They do have South Park as a claim to fame.  Two hicks from their were so bored that they created a cult classic that is hours of enjoyment. 
Texas---Only steers and queers come from here.   Ok I have never been to Texass so I will only make fun of the state a little bit.    But maybe if everything is bigger their   I should visit with my gf.  She will finally think my dick is abnormally large.    
Idaho---no you the ho! 
Utah---9 Mormons per every Norman!!
AZ--Land of the sweating sun!

Louisana—New land owning opportunities cheap
Arkansas--Repent or move!----**I have a full blog about the strange happenings going on in this state.  Check it out.