Thursday, January 6, 2011

Small Town Saturday Night and Field Trips to THE Field

    Field Trips---   I grew up in the middle of no were, field trips were always an adventure  well at least memorable.  Cattle butcher, Indian fights, city park, Wal mart. --o my.  If only than I would have know it would become my future job, I might have takin' notes.      They were all a thrill a minute.  Worse was one cold ass day we took a bus to an empty field near a cold looking river.  Ranger Rick came out of a shack about the size of an out house, as we unloaded the bus.    Milk fish….. It’s not even as fun as it sounds.  Apparently in this modern age, fish can not reproduce by themselves.  Or it was an early lesson in safe sex.  Mine is to simply keep the lights on.   The fish are corralled near you.  We took turns getting into the frigid water and grabbed a fish.  If it was female, you coaxed them for awhile, talking romantically and than squeezed their many eggs near the shore in a slow part o the stream.   If it was male, you squeezed till white *milk   **wink wink   came out over the eggs.   Thus making angry fish who just wanted to have fun, and helping repopulate fish once again!  Don’t squeeze to hard though, or red stuff comes out, ruining the whole experience for you and the fish.   Who thinks up this stuff ?  We were like ten, dang you Ranger Rick. 
What could possibly beat a trip like that you ask?  ASK!  Actually I picked the best for first.  But we took other trips.  It was Wyoming were their was lots of open space for the cowboys to take from the Indians in the past.  So lots of fights were on the list.  What is more thrilling than to drive 200 miles to an empty field   some did have cows now   and hear about a battle that happened way before the casinos were built at the edges of the property.   First off you learned that the cows and people running around with metal detector's were not authentic. As you walked through the field, everything could be a relic.  That stick, that .. no it’s a pine cone.  That cool looking…  ewwww it’s a freaking cow pie! We also took trips to places like Wal Mart!  Many of our future job sights!    And another real crowd pleaser  the slaughter house.  Many of the rest of ours future jobs! What better than learning were your dinner came from?  And what veal really looked like.  Not that people from the west didn’t know that by the age of 5.    Which leads us to why so many cows are eatin'.   They are stupid animals.  Ever drove up to one laying in the middle of the road?  They don’t moooooove no matter what you do.  You are sitting in a huge vehicle that could turn them into so many juicy, tasty, flame broiled Mcburgers and they don’t move.  That noted, maybe we are not the brightest either  as we just sit their.   Waiting for them to move and or "moooing" at them.  I believe that they would do the same if you were standing in front of them with a large rock over your head or a gun.  The deer, etc would run like hell. 
                Mutton Busting---  Anyone from the west already knows it’s funny.  Heck their parents probably put them through it.  But with all the sheep jokes that come with living in the boring west this “sport” does not help matters much.  People that grew up in other states, I have recently learned know nothing about it. 
Classmate was a bull rider   actually several were, but his mother was a teacher at our school so we got a daily update on the bull circuit and how dangerous it was. She hated that he did it.  Well one day, he got bucked off and his head stomped on a few times.  And lost most of his short term memory.  I think that might be a great thing.  You told me nothing about this dinner with your folks…… As you are sitting at the dinner table.  “Whom are these old foggies and why do they look so much like you?”
She was always overly happy about things, and didn’t let a drooling kid change that.  This happened near Easter time, and walked in one day saying that her kid could hide his own Easter eggs from himself.  Saving her hours of time!  

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