Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Time to go Q -tip shopping?

    I try to learn at least one new thing every day.   And when I can I pass on the great knowledge.  Lucky you!   Sometimes its in blog form, like today.  Sometimes it is by being equally as mean to someone else, so they too can learn what I did.  If through the years I could recall even half of what I learned, I could write some great books and have some overly great knowledge.   I have found that I do retain enough not to make the same mistakes twice.  But there are a hell of a lot of different things to do wrong in life. 

    I would like to share a few things I have learned in the last few weeks.  

   *It gets cold in Wyoming!   Not really new, I just have been gone for awhile and kind of have forgot.  Welcome to Wyoming!

                                     *One can never have to much coal.   Thanks Santa!!
                                       *You really can not fall out of love with someone.
                                           *PMS- does not stand for   Duck and cover!------   I used to have a boss that blamed all of her bad moments on PMS.   One day I finally told her that this could not be true, because PMS did not last for 8 years straight.   She was the same boss that I would ask questions I knew she couldn't answer, just to get a sitting break in the back office.   After awhile of her trying to figure the answer out, I would ask her if she could call a "real boss" and find the answer for me.  
            *Alcoves have nothing to do with the ocean    and are not features on cars.  Alcoves also echo and if left unattended to long become angry.
   *Pizza Hut workers do not like being asked if your pizza topping, can be a whole 2nd pizza on top of the first. 
    *Home Depot plumbing associates do not know everything about shower heads.  ----On a side note, I worked at the company for awhile.  And the best thing I learned, besides it wasn't anything like Wally World was that if a large group of workers were gathered around talking, it was called a pumpkin patch.   Because we all wore orange vests. 
     *Things I say are too believable.   I have noticed a lot lately the things I make up, most of my co workers think is the truth.   This seems like it would make me way better at playing the card game BS  but no.   So last month I had a co worker convinced that before they even clocked in that night, both the managers wanted to talk to her in the office.   After about 20 minutes of this fun, I decided that her showing up early in a panic, might not be the best idea.   And tried to make it overly obvious that I was full of crap.  By stating that the manager wanted her to come in to pee on a stick.  Like a pregnancy test.   This was not obvious. 
    *Wearing ties at work make it to easy for angry customers to choke us out.
   *33 is olllllllld but not old enough to buy beer.      So last week, I tried to buy a sick pack of beer.   And did not have my ID with me somehow.   Even though I was older than the cashiers and my driver, I could not buy my beverages.  Luckily the workers were nice, and let my driver buy, but they would not let me carry the booze out of the store!
  *People think I am sarcastic.
   *Q tips can be almost orgasmic.   OK  I have not fully learned this----Only because I do  not fully understand this.    I have waited to describe this story because every time I try to type or tell it, I bust out laughing.    But for whatever reason, a bunch of us were talking about having sex   and the virgin of the group tried to compare it to using a q tip in your ear.   And how great that felt.   Apparently he was trying to quote a movie line, but it sounded much more like from personal experience.  The rest of the night I was trying to picture all this, and figure out what shelf Q tips would be on in the porn shop.   And I have to say I was more than distracted.   I tried to explain the whole conversation to my boss at work, who knows the man, who is now called Q-tip for some reason.   And I am pretty sure as I was describing, and swabbing a pretend tip in my ear, the "O face" came out at least once.  Something that no boss should ever see.   Later Q tips mother and I were talking, she had not heard the story yet.  And we were talking about Christmas.   She brought up that her son had gotten a huge box of the now store wide famous Q tips from Santa.   Who knew Santa knew were to shop-right?   I started laughing and said   I have a story for you, and if your son is ever in the bathroom with his box of Q tips, leave him alone for sure!   I now can not look at Q tips the same, somehow.   And can not find one in my house, for the life of me :(  So I will have to get back to you how effective a tool they can be.  

     I will try to expand on this list very soon.   On the same thought wave, I have a long list of things I have learned at work before posted.   People that did not work with me, have trouble understanding it.   But I can assure you it is entertaining.  To anyone that has seen the list, I am working on a 2nd one, but it is very very hard!

      A lot of life really does seem to have to deal with Karma.  And I have takin' a lot of effort to try and make things better in this area.  I have been overly mean to people in my past, and this is still biting me in the butt.   But I am starting to think that I was a baby killer or something in a past life, because my luck has been very bad for soooo long.  

    Have you ever noticed at work that the people that do the most wrong, call in all the time, or just should be in the un-employment line the most  are praised the most at work?   Have you ever worked anywhere this was not true?  Restaurants are usually the worse for this, but places like Wally World promote these type of workers.  Another reason I was not sure to be happy or not, when they asked me to become a manager with the company.   Restaurants in Sheridan are very bad for the above, because the general pool of hirable people is almost non-existent.   If you can find someone that can pass there drug tests, without studying all week, they should have a job for sure.  If you do not notice any of this were you work, you are either described above or related to the boss. 

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