Monday, January 9, 2012

Coffee Really IS my Best Friend


                             **"Hand over my coffee and no one gets hurt!"**----Garfield

                                             **"Coffee, helps you go poop!"**

                                                                 Sheridan, Wyoming

                                                   **"What is the point of decaff?"**

                                       **"Coffee first, than your mundane B.S>!"**

     In browsing through my blogs past, I have learned a few things.  The one that sticks out with me the most is how much I seem to talk about coffee.  I have tried to cut way back on my caffeine intake.  But have learned that I am not fun to be around if I skip my morning brew.   Mostly people that work or live around me tell me this.  But after about the third day of no dark brew of the God's, even the people on the bus and postman suggest that I go screw myself.  

    I never liked coffee when I was growing up.   And would now like to own my own  coffee shop, but fear I would drink most of the profits!   I have some really good concepts in my head for a great store, nothing like the Star Bucks I find myself frequenting way to much.  Mostly because by there sheer volume, they are every were.   At some four way corners in Seattle, you can sit in a S Bucks and see three more of the stores while you are sipping your coffee!   And soon the only locations available for new stores, will be in bathrooms of existing stores.   How weird would that be, to have a baraista by the sink, instead of a towel attendant?   I have often thought about working at a place like Star Bucks.  But have decided my main motivation is to get one of the kool black hats, and than I am pretty sure I would quit.   I could save a lot of time, and or butt kissing, by just trying to buy one of the hats on an Ebay auction.

     The main other reason I have not tried to work in a coffee stand, is that I believe the customers would erk me very quickly.   And I am used to annoying customers.   After eight years at Wally World for sure.   And working in restaurants, were we seem to be supposed to deliver food, entertain, be a comedian, juggler, etc  all for a very low wage.  I have seen customers leaning way over the barista, informing them that they are mixing the drinks wrong.   I wearing the stores hat, and apron, would have trouble keeping my mouth shut.   I would not have to remain as quiet, if I owned my own coffee shop.  Although I might soon have a very empty coffee shop. 

        Sadly?   My morning routine usually involves coffee and Facebook.  I might well need an intervention from both.    Brave enough to try and keep me from either vise?

     When I moved to the great north west many years ago, I became addicted to java.  It is rainy and yucky most of the winter, and there is a coffee shop every five feet.  Most of them are very kool coffee shops also.   Not as neat as the one I will some day own, but enjoyable and you feel warm and cozy while in them.   I also learned the joys of writing while in a busy coffee joint.  Beyond lots of inspiration, you can look very important while only writing a boring blog or even while playing solitaire on your lap top.   I was more than to excited when I visited Seattle's first Star Bucks.  And am pretty sure I scared the crap out of an older couple, when I asked them to take my picture in front of the building.  I would have been far less excited and jittery, if I  had not had 22 cups of coffee maybe.  

  I do not have the above mentioned picture anymore.  But on a recent trip to Seattle, visited the store again.  Complete with a quickish trip inside for a cup of Joe.   Quickish, because  it is such a tourist trap, even getting a regular cup of coffee takes awhile.  

   My worse complaint about any coffee shop, is the side bar.   Were you can add things like creamer and sugar.  I can add the condiments and move on very quickly.   Others it seems to take forever, and I am not enjoying my drink during any of this mixing.   I could concoct and shake a Martini faster I am sure.   They dump in some sugar, creamer, taste, stir, more sugar, put little finger in the drink to see if it's still hot.  It is hot!   More sugar.   Wipe up there mess a little.   Than they taste it again.   They than dump out some coffee, because the cup is suddenly to dam full.   Time to start over.   AggggggghhhH!!

   I really enjoy the little napkins at coffee joints also.   I usually stuff a few in my pocket for later.  If I make no messes, they work as great snot rags if your nose is running.  

  I tend to spill way less coffee without a lid on my mug for some reason.  Put that stupid sippy cup lid on my drink, and my coat or shirt drinks more coffee than I do.   I have become a pro at not spilling an open coffee, even while in a car going down a dirt road, sideways.  

    When I first moved back to Wyoming, I was living with my parents.   And had coffee every morning.  On about the fifth day, I was complaining about drinking a full pot of coffee, and it not really even facing me at all.   Kind of sad that my tolerance had gotten that high.   My mother started laughing, and said we need to talk.   Never a good line.   As I was trying to think of all the bad things I had done, that week.   She explained that they had been giving me decaff coffee all week.  It was like onna those coffee commercials, were they secretly switched your coffee grounds, gone terribly wrong.  And I was more than sad faced after this announcement.   Soon telling her, she owed me a real brew from Star Bucks.  

    I got sadder faced when my parents explained way to thourly why they even had decaff coffee.   Although I have just been told, I need to be more descriptive, I will not start that here.   Sometimes less is more.   Apparently one of them was having trouble going to the restroom, and had read that coffee helps you go poop.   I will restrain from listing there real names, to protect there identity.  

                                   The following was posted before, but is on topic.

                                                  Turn your Head and Cough..

    Mornings are not my strong point, in case you have not gotten the memo.  Possibly because I get my second wind around midnight each day.  Obviously on those daze im “alive” before noon, coffee is my best friend and many times the only one people can actually see.  And I like it strong.  Some days I swear through the eye sand I can see the coffee stirring itself!   Back in high school I would awaken on the weekends at four am   yes I typed am  , ride a bus all day so I could run.   This torture known to some as track was way before I learned the joys of coffee.   What a burst of energy I was missing, by simply eating chocolate.  Would cafrfine show up on the drug tests though?  After you broke through the finish line, you just keep going, straight for the restrooms.  
    Some days, before work I intake enough caffeine, I’m ready to leave my car at the cafe and run to work.  Of course I would be very disappointed after work, not having my car their.  When my eyes start jiggling the waitress cuts me off.  Lots of mornings coffee allows for being a quick cashier, or column writer, this one took me two minuets to tye.  Although my publicist figures two weeks, that’s how long he waited for it.
    All this talk, leads us to wondering  (us means me in this case) who the post hero is that brought the thick magic liquid to the U.S. paving the way for a Starbucks on every corner.  My advanced history book, with no signs of racial slurs, WWI, or the holocaust, shows that the Earl of Cof   whom grew up in Brazil   maybe or maybe not in Valdezes Wons culdisac, discovered that roasting coffee beans was good.  After electricity was found in China, he learned that heat made cof faster than simply placing the beans in warm water.  Wich lead to lumpy cof.  Notice I call it cof, later he decided the name unfit and expanded it to coffee.  Once on a business trip to Seattle, he introduced the wonder drink.  Everyone looks to Seattle as the trend setter and it spread from their.  

    This of course is a condensed history, because I am running out of coffee in my cup.  And because my average reader has an 5.5 minute attention span.  Wich means I lost most of you about three lines ago, and could make fun of you right now. *Look how you move your lips while your read this...* I am above that, having many other things to make fun of, and almost being to the end of this article.  If you would like the full coffee story, send me $3.99.   Or ask your kids for their history books.  Believe me they will not know the exact location in their locker of their book and sending me the cash will be much quicker. 

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