Saturday, January 7, 2012

Scary Stuff

    I would first like to say that all of my stories in my blogs are true.  I have a very active imagination, but could not make up any half of the stuff I seem to write about.   It either comes from news articles, something I have been slacking on talking about because I do not have anything beyond Netflix for TV right now.  And because, well the news depresses me lately.   Everything else comes from my life, or lack there of.  Lately mostly from my work life.   I can say two things about all this.  *Not every story is truly about me  so if you recognize a story you told me some drunkin night, thank you!  And ** I can tell a story in person, and it will be  funny as getting a spaghetti tomato stuck in your nose!  But when I try to put it down on paper, it just is not near a good.   For this I apologize to my readers.  If you ever see me in person, I love story time.  And it seems I have a story about almost any topic.   A good story usually.   This will be great if I ever grow my balls back and attempt to be a stand up comedian.  "I want to be a stand up comedian, but I really enjoy sitting down!"    I already know two people for sure that will be invited to my first stand up act, wherever I do it.   Simply because they will not give me fake laughs, they will heckle me if I suck, and they will chuck tomatoes if I really suck.  One I have worked with for years, and if nothing else he is brutally honest. The odds are very good he would end up on stage, invited or not.  The other has been my best friend for six years now, and she too is honest.   She knows everything about me, which is both a blessing and a curse.  The odds are also good she would end up on stage, but more in an attempt to embarrass her!

    For whatever reason I have been thinking about what scares me the most a lot lately.   Before I answer I have to say that people in my past that have shared there biggest fears with me, and I have taken advantage of the knowledge.  I think the worse example was when an ex of mine told me she was deathly afraid of bridges.  While driving across a rather long bridge in Oregon, I pretended that my car was acting up and pulled over on the side of the bridge.   Not a good idea.   I would also like to note that this gal was named Stephine.   Has nothing to do with this paragraph, but it sure was easy to re-call her name!  On a side side note, unknown to her we called her Nibblets.   Because when she was standing up she had normal sized breasts.   But laying down, they disappeared inside her or something.  It was a mystery that I could not solve.  But they became about the size of tic tacs.   To this day I am scared of those cans of corn, that say corn nibblets on the front.   
    After much thought I have decided that the two other things that scare me the most are snakes.  Get me near a snake or a garden hose that looks a lot like a snake and I will scream like a lil girl!   My buddy *Professor Getty , may or may not be his real name and I used to go on hikes all the time.  He would get ahead of me  and yell "Snake!" and than throw a stick at me.   Usually when I was hanging onto the side of a hill by some flimsy bushes.  I would usually freak out and attempt to get away from the stick snake.  Mostly because of my fear of it not being a stick each time, and because I knew he was crazy enough to throw a real snake at me.   He in turn was deathly afraid of spiders.   A great pair to be tromping around the woods, right?   And I would often hear an ear splitting, almost girl-like yell behind me.   I would turn back, thinking he might have fell of a cliff or something, and soon realize he had just seen a spider.   The only spider that ever alarmed me was in my shower.   I was living in Washington the first time, and lived in a very old apartment complex.  And no, it didn't fit me well because I am old, thanks for asking.   Anyways I was in the shower, and this huge spider decided to join me.  I didn't think to much of it, and turned the entire force of the shower water on it.   The spider started to swim up the stream of water, in an effort to bite me I am sure.   I did not stick around long enough to find out.  I jumped out of the shower, deciding enough "pit juice" would make me at least smell clean. 
    The only insect that bugs me just a little bit is scorpions.  Mostly because they can climb walls.  When we lived near Phoenix, city's slogan is  "Everything wants to eat you, and it's a dry heat, so it's not that hot."  Every summer there would be reports of them falling into peoples beds, off the ceiling in the middle of the night, and stinging the sleepers.   One night while I was living in another part of Arizona with a great girl, she was in her nightgown and we were talking to a neighbor.   She noticed a scorpion under her and than it disappeared.  I have never seen someone strip down that fast in my life!   But I do not blame her in the least.   I don't think we ever found the insect.  But she gained a new stalker with the new wide eyed neighbor for sure. 
   The 2nd thing that I have decided scares me the most, is dying alone.   Not from the stand point of dying by myself doing something not smart, that is very probable.  But dying with no one by my side that loves me for me.   No kids to stick me in an old foggy's home.   I am already determined I will be a very bad old person.  But that is another story.  I am working on making sure this never happens.  By re-connecting with the love of my life.   But am still in hopes that I will not become a hermit by the age of 40 like I tell everyone I will.   Surprisingly all my recent marriage talk has not scared me in the least.   I am more than  ready for it to happen.   Although I can't guarantee the day will not come with some very frigidly cold feet.   I will not go into this topic more, because I have learned the hard way, if I brag about something great in my life in my blogs, it does not happen.   And I do not want to jinx this for anything. 
    As always, thanks for reading!    Please leave comments   they help more than you can imagine. 

                                                                      Happy Trails!

1 comment:

  1. Funny, Funny But you are right you do better telling than writing. It needs to be more discriptive