Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Sheep Are Safe!!>?

                                        **Sheep are safe!"**

      If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today. If you purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG, you would have $33.00. If you purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers, you would have $0.00 today. But, if you purchased $1,000 worth of beer, drank all the beer, turned in the aluminum cans for recycling, you would have $214.00. Therefore the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the
401-Keg Plan.

                                                   **And now a quick joke for y'all!**

     Dad buys a LIE DETECTOR ROBOT which slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner. "Son, where were you today?" The son says "at school dad." Robot slaps the son! "OK, I watched a DVD at my friends house!" "What DVD?" "Toy story." Robot slaps the son again! "OK, it was a porno" cries the son. Dad yells "What! When I was your age I didn't know what porn was!" Robot then slaps the dad! Mom laughs "HaHaHa! He's certainly YOUR son." Robot then slaps the mom!!!!!

Cake Chip made for me, and than ate before I showed up!

    As I sit here full of wondermous coffee, I am watching it pour rain outside.   I think two things--two things related to the rain storm, anyway.   That after the late, but full force onset of summer, cloudy skies and rain is great!   And how glad I am that I am inside during the mini storm.  
     Rain is not really all that common here-but is all you see in the winters of the great north west.  I have spent enough time in these areas, that I have my webbed feet.   In fact the cloudy skies and constant rain, are a huge factor to why I now like coffee so much.   The quick wake up is needed, when it's gloomy out so many daze in a row.  And there is a different coffee shop every twelve feet.   In Arizona, it is just hot.   Than one day, even God decides it is to dang hot, and the skies dump and dump rain.   AKA the Monsoon season.  It is a warm rain, so awesome!   They also have the Stupid Motorist law there.   Basically if you get yourself stuck in high water--you pay for the rescue crews that saved your life.   Every year at least one family has their 15 minutes of fame, as they are helicopter lifted from the top of a huge tree, surrounded by an over flowing river.   Today's blog  has nothing to do with rain!

                                                                                                       Best backpack ever above?

    After yellin' "Sheep are safe!"  for over a year now---I have slowly noticed that I am saying it to all new co-workers.   Most of which nod their heads, smile, and run  away to the other side of the restaurant.   I add it into a lot of blogs also, but have a reader base --far past Wyoming.   Were everyone understands what I am talking about.   In light of this, and simply because I am staring at a very blank computer screen, I will attempt to explain this short but deep sentence.   Those of you that know me well, already know the answer----and can choose if you read on or not.   As in most of my blogs---you choose not!  If you are easily offended---please read on!   This blog likes hate mail!   Few of my friends are easily offended, simply because after about the fourth time I tick them off, we are not friends any more.
                                                        This ones trying to git away!

   Many of my friends have never left the west, so they do not understand how much we are made fun of -in other states.   Unless they take a trip to New Zealand maybe.   Which is supposedly were this sign comes from....

    Wyoming --beyond the sheep jokes--does not have a lot going for it.   It is onna the least populated states for it's size, people get really lonely, there is a cowboy on the licence plates, we were the first state to allow woman to vote.....     Back to people get really lonely---A few years ago a game and fish warden was patrolling the country side, and happened to run into a man screwing a dyeing deer.   It had tried to jump over a fence, and got stuck halfway.   *Honestly on all this*   I am not sure what the charges were---but am sure they would not help any ones resume or future love life in or out of prison.     Now I have to say if I was Ranger Rick, in the middle of no were, I would advert my eyes, and kept driving!  Maybe paused to take a few pictures.   Possibly this is why I am not a forest ranger, or anyone with any real authority.  

Wyoming postcard?

          I talk about being lonely a lot lately--but have never even been close to this alone!
   Wyoming --the true old west!  Were men are men, and knot holes in trees are scared.    Were sheep are safe unless the Velcro gloves come out.   Were......
OK  I would not be the first choice to pick the state motto's   or write for the local tourism committee.   Although some of my last blogs try to show how kool the state really is.   The best short story I have read in awhile---is on the back of a pack of Backwoods cigars.   Not to be confused --when ordering--with Backdoor--- similar, but a very different meaning.   It took me and a buddy twenty minutes to read the three paragraph story once, we were laughing so hard.   I hope the same can be said while you are reading this.

    As I above said---Wyoming residents catch a lot of flax when they move some were else.   A good deal of the kidding is about sheep.   The jokes started for me in about 1999--when I lived in Oregon.   And they never  really stopped.

   One day in Eugene, Oregon--my roomie, also from Wyoming, and I were having coffee outside with a buddy we called Old Bastard.  He slept on our couch for months--and even though at least 14 years older than us, when he went bar hopping with us, he hit on the same age gals as us.   With a better ratio of gals that said yes.  Thus the bastard part of his name.  The first part I am sure you all can figure out!   Anyways, we were enjoying our coffee  at a great place very near the local fair grounds.   And a huge trailer pulled up in front of us filled with cows.   Old Bastard--looked at us both, and said that our girlfriends were in the trailer some were.    I replied--that we were from Wyoming, and only into sheep.   As fate would have it, another even larger trailer pulled up.   Completly full of sheep!    I started shaking my head--and told OB to give us his worse jokes.    Tweenty minutes later, he ran out of material.  
    The jokes contiued through the years.   And  I could fill a blog or two with them.   But will make you think of your own sheep jokes to tell me.   Maybe you have one I have never heard.  Doubtful though. 
    Years later I was living in Washington with a great gal.   Who also loved the sheep stories.   I had to come to Wyoming for awhile, and would have no computer access.   I was really into that stupid Farmville game on Facebook at the time.   And begged her to keep my farm up while I was on the road.    She did a great job, but also kept buying me sheep for the farm, in honor of my return to my hometown.    The next thing I knew, I had about 200 dam sheep running around my fake farm.  

   Somewere along the line, I started collecting stuffed sheep ---to further the joke.    People collect everything from stamps to state spoons, so why not?   I am also very "happy" to be getting my collection back very soon.   I have about tweenty sheep now!  But they have been in storage in another state for awhile.   Sadly, I have room for that, but not my furniture.  

                                                              Just some of the collection.

    About a year later --I was in Wyoming talking to someone on the phone.   I was sure they had cheated on me --not that it really mattered.   And kept yelling---sheep are safe into the phone.    Most people would hang up, because this went on for about ten minutes.   But the other person stayed on the line, and than let loose.   When I told my boss about all this---for whatever reason we started yelling   sheep are safe through the restaurant.    

    Hopefully all this clears things up just a little bit.   I am sure it is all now as clear as mud!







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