Tuesday, June 28, 2011

   **"Today, I broke my record for the number of days I haven't died. I plan on breaking it again tomorrow."**

                 **"When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets."**

    So very soon, I am turning in my paper work to move across this small town once again.   To all of you that say I have no clue what I am doing -and eventually need to just settle some were---you are right!   I also say, that I am at least staying in the same town for a little longer anyways.   It's hard to finger out exactly what to do, when every time you show up for work, new stories abound.   For the most part I think they are just that--stories.  But the company in general seems to have more to fix than is possible.   As bad as it sounds, I would love to put an online betting pool were everyone guesses what week of the year the restaurant closes it's doors for good.   Sealing the bet with about ten bucks.   I personally would pick the week 9-11-11 falls on, because 9-11 has been blamed for everything else, why not contributing to me being suddenly the funniest person in the un-employment line?   I just really fear the effects of putting such a thing online, no matter how amusing. 
     This again will be an easy and or quick move.   Most of my measly belongings are still in Washington state.   I say measly because I seem to gain things I really don't want each time I move.  And loose things I would love to still have.   Like I have no clue were any of my high school yearbooks are, but I have a great collection of false eyelashes and frying pans that could hold about one egg at a time.   I ended up here ripe *in smell, right off the bus with a large suitcase and backpack.   So a move takes, O about, ten minutes right now.   The place I am in now, took a deposit to hold.   So I do have to make it look clean and spiffy to ever see that money again.   I have done every type of move possible.   And have moved a lot!   From the rental vans to moving out in the middle of the night, with garbage bags full of belongings and police escorts making sure I was only taking my belongings.  My ex is the only person I know, who has quite possibly moved more times than myself.   We have logged in a great number of moves together across the country.   And on many a cross country voyage, she has pointed out the many towns and houses she has live in.   No matter what state we are in, it seems.  I will not take the time here to say  I am an expert at packing it in, because that just sounds wrong, on many levels.  But I can fully pack your house in a U-Haul van several sizes smaller than the one your dealer will recommend!
     Switching gears.   I write a lot about my time working for Wally World.   It was eight years, and in many ways, it seems like much much longer.  I now do miss a few things.   Top being, how I could clear my mind.   To the stage right before one would just start drooling all over, if a customer asked me a question.   And that meant I was ready to clock in for work!   I, in my endless list of things to do, have an idea of a book about Wally World life.   The beginning would be tons of stories about what I have experienced.   Most of it --my friends know well, and would make the rest of you want to poke your minds eye out with a spoon.    Than I would tell *secrets of working every department of the huge box stores.  How to look busy, without really doing anything productive and the such.   What will get you fired----like falling asleep in the steel in receiving.    How to not get fired.   How to get promoted, if you into that kind of thing.   I see accomplishing two goals with all of this. 
     One:    With all of the thousands of new employees the company has each year, I could market the "book" to them.   As a second "training guide"     If one pauses to think about ALL of the people that have shopped at the retail store, worked there, made or delivered goods for them, built the stores, etc---it is an amazingly huge number of people!   Sadly a huge number of my Facebook friends, are from Wally Worlds past.   But I did work several stores!
    B:   I could work on altering the publicity for the "book"   and make the company worried about what was in the pages.   Hoping they would buy me out, to not have the publication on any ones shelves.  
    Anyway, in my endless rambling at work I added something to my list of the things I would love to have the video tape of.   Because I heard about these stories, to no end.  But never actually got to witness.   Possibly another reason I move so much, people hear all my stories by the first year or so of living somewhere.   And it keeps me just ahead of the FBI of course!  So, for your enjoyment?   Here is the full list.   It had four items---but today I add number five.

1. **Springfield OR store----- The husband I before mentioned that got married in Wal-Mart worked in the tire and lube center, and was playing on the car lift. He fell off, and was found flopping around in the grease and oil Than got fired!
2. **Eugene OR store---Look on district managers face. The big wigs were walking the WM and heard strange noises out by the storage trailers---- When they flung the doors open, they saw onna our asst managers and the pets dept manager having sex. Both were fired.
3. **Bellingham WA store--- We had a Rain Man of sorts cart pusher Jeremy who wasn't all their. every day he would check the obituary pages in the paper. Mark wanted sooo bad to put his name in their to watch him freak out----anyways, on his birthday when the clock wished him a happy birthday--he freaked out beat the shit outta the time clock and tore it off the wall. He was fired.
4. ** Bellingham WA store-- ONna the support managers had a road rage episode on the way to work, and the other person followed them into the store parking lot. The other man, ran at the manager cussing him out. The manager cold cocked the dude and dropped him to the ground with one punch! He was not fired

#5 ** Flagstaff AZ store--- The store manager went to a huge WM confrence for CA, AZ, and NM--- On the big board out front they had the top 50 stores in the area customers had voted on cleaness, workers, etc etc and than they had the top 50 worse rated stores. The store manager kept scanning, and our store was ranked the worse out of like a thousand stores

    Also for your enjoyment:

  • Things learned at WM

    Don’t argue logic with management.
    Always appear busy.
    *If you want to page Dial *96
    Meetings with management can be fun! Record is nine in a month.
    Always cover your butt. Management has two members in a meeting, you should too.
    B.O.B. is not a person.
    Work in the garden center in the summer when there are no holidaze.
    Make a schedule for fish feeding.
    Promotions come to those that slack.
    Never page out a code Yellow, when you need to pee.
    Never do a store remodel!
    Make sure you know what the code names you give co workers really mean!
    Learn sporting goods before they put you their to cover-those customers get angry and can buy guns.
    Always know were loss prevention and managers are.
    Don’t draw maps to competing stores when customers ask were they can find an item you are out of.
    Don’t drop out of college!
    Do your own transfers!
    In stores with no isle numbers don’t tell customers to go to isle 6.
    Zone don’t zone out.
    Getting married in the store Is overly lame!!
    If the time clock says happy birthday--thank it---Don't kick it's ass.
    Making your own name tags can be fun.
    Don't play on the car lift in Tire center. Don't yell lube it up all day while in tire center
    Wear riot gear on Black Friday
    Never say Union!

        Ok and last thoughts here.  As I sit online at a local bar.   After a very hot day at work.   Urinals are not favorable for us that are vertically challenged.   In this particular bars restroom, I either have to stand on my tipsy toes, or use one you might see in a grade school.   Almost on my knees.   OK  I am short   but not that short.   And why would a bar offer urinals that short in the first place?   That would be one killer fake ID!    I actually really like the long urinals, were it is almost like peeing on the ground, for whatever reasons.  

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