Thursday, June 23, 2011

Go The F to Sleep!

Need to commit a crime in Sheridan?  All the police are at Perkins!


                           **"If at first you don't succeed,  bungee jumping is not for you!"**

      **"He was madder than an albino hitchhiking in a snow storm!"**---Larry the Cable Guy

                                         **"Coffee first, than your mudan  B.S!"**

                                   **"The police never think it's as funny as you do."**

   So I was sitting in the nearby park yesterday, were I can somehow get Internet service.  I need a picture of my laptop and cell phone and coffee spread across the picnic table, as I run from the swarm of mosquitoes that are attracted to my computers bright lights.   But I can not stop laughing long enough to take that picture, or is that crying?   Anyways, while I was surfing the net, a cop pulled into the park and sat across from me.   I at first was worried that the officer was going to chat with me about "borrowing" Internet service.  But am more sure that officers here are more worried about much smaller issues and keeping sheep safe from lonely guys.   This *Internet "borrowing" --and probably sheep molesting, is a criminal offence in many cities.  

I am sure this post was like this before the officer pulled up?

1) Jumped out of the trunk of my car on Main Street with a police car behind us.  *Sheridan, WY
 2) Put a lic plate of a white conversion van on my red Ford Ranger pickup.   Had to drive 2 hrs to Phoniex with no lic plate. *Near Kingman, AZ
 3) Pulled over for ciriling the train tracks with an air horn, honking at the radio station, driving erratically *Sheridan, WY
 4) Police called when I tried to cash my payroll check.   Aberdeen, WA
 5) Asked motercycle cop were his seatbelt was when got pulled over for no seat belt.   *Coburg, OR
 6) Got a speeding ticket while parked   *Springfield, OR
 7) Called judge on above case  a dumb ass and got contempt of court.  *Springfield, OR
 8) Surrounded by 8 police man at 3 am  and than asked by lead officer  when I was going to ask April to marry me  *Queen Creek, AZ
 9) Slept cuddeled up to a toliet in jail  *kingman, AZ
 10) Charged threatining and intimidating by the state of AZ
11) Pulled out of bed while pretending to sleep at own house party  Sheridan, WY
12) Pulled over for flashing the hitler  wave while waving to people on Main  Sheridan, WY
13) Hour long sobrity test  after actually drinikin only one beer  Eugene, OR
14) 2 sec sobrity test when got my DUI Eugene, OR
15) Saying I had no ID, lying about name, and than ID found on me *springfield, OR
16) Throwing roomates belongs off balcony while drunk  Bellingham, WA
17) Ran into somone no lic no innsurence etc   Bellingham, WA
18) Pulled over for speeding with a pipe bomb in car trunk *Sheridan, WY
19) Friend peed in the alley       *Larmie and Sheridan WY
20) Feel into 2 cops with a drink in both hands and 17     MT
21) Told seat belt was on wrong   had automatic seatbelts  *Springfield OR
22) Car stalled out by court house.  PUlled over  stick shift  boutbacked into cop car Sheridan WY
23) Trying to get up hiill by court house in winter.   Sliding down backwards 2 cops sitting at base of hill  Sheridan WY

Rent a pigs
Kicked out of Rimrock mall for yelling my "Mating call"  Billings, MT
To loud at a concert  Billings MT

IM sure thiers more just need time to think

    I am now starting to wonder how I survived my long stay in the state of Arizona.   It was only 80 yesterday here, and I was more than annoyed with the heat.   I also realize that just months ago, I and everyone else was moaning about the rain and cold.  Well that's gone, and now the big bad bright sun is the worse thing I can complain about.   Guess in retrospect, I have it very well off than!

   As I might have mentioned, about once in a blog lately--I still do not have computer access from my home.  Beyond my cell phone, and I am not typing a blog on my phone, using my thumbs and hours of my time.   Awhile back I found a neighbor that had wi-fi, and tried to slip them some money, to use their pass code.   He kept saying, it's a secure --private password.   No sh*t!--if it wasn't I would be online, right now, and would never be having this conversation.  Is what I wanted to say to the person.  I know that I would be glad to receive some spending cash, if I was online and the people around me were not.   I was overly annoyed about all this at first, but than last week, the man and his wife were kicked out of the apartment.   I would have been far more annoyed to have spent say $20 bucks --and than only been able to use the net for a week -until they were kicked out.  
    I now joke that the above party was so busy looking up porn, that he didn't want others on his network, slowing down his viewing.   This thought line mostly comes from the large amount of sex offenders who live near me.  Maybe it is because of the no questions asked lease here.   Basically if you have cash, you now have a rental.   This all worries me just a little bit, because I am vertically challenged, and look a lot like a little boy!   My co-workers have already warned me about not wearing a backpack and baseball cap when roaming around the neighborhood at night!
     I enjoy the fact at my current job, that people only know what I have chosin to tell them about myself.   I have worked with my girlfriend, when she was that, at several different Wally Worlds, and people soon knew way more about me than anyone not dating me ever should.   It was actually amazing how fast stories went through the huge box stores.   At points her and I used to start stories about ourselves to see how quickly the news would get back to us, and what the story now sounded like.    **Please  read "My girlfriend has a boyfriend" in my past posts for a perfect example of all this.  At one point last summer, I actually thought this gal was coming to visit me here in No-Wheres-Ville Wyoming.   I was also worried about her meeting my co-workers.  Because she likes to share.   And the main interpretation people here had of me, was by my actions and what I had chosen to share only.    This seems more important to me now, as I am basically starting over once again in life.   Call it a second chance, call it dodging a bullet, call it chapter three.  Whatever it is, writing about the huge changes, is a huge stress reliever.   For my readers sake, I try not to dwindle into things to deeply.   Because sorrow hurts, but it's not funny.
    There is a new book out ---that appears to be a kids book--but is defiantly not!   It is for parents who have younger children, or have had, that simply will not go to bed.   They need another pitcher of water, to pee, for you to check under the bed for monsters.   Lately I kind of think the book is for myself also.   I drag myself into bed, barely awake, and than my mind wakes up fully.  And it is well into the morning hours before I actually pass out.   Although I am quickly learning that planning things, does not do a bit of good.   This is not a kids book as I mentioned.  It is tittled "Go The F***  to Sleep!   And the language through out followers suit.   But it is also an amusing read.   It was sold out the first three weeks on Amazon.  And at only $10.00 a good deal.   I am sure my "plug" on here will not help the sales much, with my 2.5 readers.   But they are constantly reading pages of the book on the CNN news type networks.   Complete with many bleeped out words. 
    Although the books concept is overly amusing to me, are the cuss words a selling point, or really needed at all?  Cussing seems to be the norm lately or at least highly overlooked.   I was amazed on the last episode of South Park that I watched, that they did not even bleep "sh*t" during the entire show.   Living around three children, until lately, I tried to completely stop cussing.  They are sponges on words and thoughts like that.  Not that even the seven year old couldn't teach me some new cuss words I am sure.   I still try to keep the cussing to a minimum.  But utter a few under my breath when it gets extra busy and or stressful at work.   If this becomes the norm, something much worse and shocking will be bad next.   We as a society will have to find new shocks.   Noses will be blacked out on TV  because they are much to risky to show live.   Is it really progress or digression?  

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