Wednesday, February 9, 2011

To Assume It's all Good --Makes An Ass Out of You and You This Valintines Day

Before and after pictures

     I have been greatly slacking on posting.  Not because I have nothing to say-that may never happen.   Under very rare occasions, people have made me speechless by their great verbal come backs.  But luckily that is very rare.   I have been slacking because once again I am moving.   Or at best helping relocate.   I had full intentions to overly grumble throughout the rest of this about females and never understanding what they want.  With Valentines day coming up, it's the perfect time to complain about ones mate or lack of air to blow one up right?  I will say that mere months ago, I was very confident in the direction of my life.  Now I can help others pay for family pictures, but certainly do not need to be in them.  I can help in every aspect, but have to wonder were I rank daily.  Hopefully this does not include me greatly helping pack down a three bedroom rental, mostly for the personal experience.   OK above I said this is what I was going to complain about.
    Three things are stopping me from a complete all out b*tch fest.  The people that read these pages, I haven't had coffee yet--and b*tch best after coffee, and that I have talked to several male friends lately--that have no clue what is going on in their relationship either.  5 out of 3 of them are not even sure they still live with the same wife they married.   The other 4 might or might not be single, it greatly depends on what day of the week it is and which way the wind is blowing.  One of my friends, we will call him Player-because I already do.  He is one of those guys that gets slobbering drunk and would take home a pencil sharpener if it would let him, and or, he could un screw it from the wall.  Some how he has moved to Walla Walla, WA.  This has nothing to do with anything, it is just fun to say Walla Walla!   Try it, say it really really fast.   Some how he has been in a relationship *with a gal, not a pencil sharpener*,  for a year now.  Again, some how the skies aligned just right one night, and they are having a baby.   This is were I would usually congratulate them both.  But I do not know her, and he does not read my blogs.  So, I might lead more toward their child is doomed, with a capitol D for duuuh!   Anyways, with them focusing on a baby, getting the house and themselves baby proofed, buying a house full of unisex jumpers you would think his role in the new family would be set.   Heck no!   From the sounds of it, he has no more idea about even things like if she loves him most days, than a Wally World worker knows what good customer service is.   Did I mention he also works at Wally World?
    With Valentines day right around the corner, I do not find all of this comforting at all.  Except in the fact that --whatever sexual, great dinner cookin', and or physical attractions and spoon bending powers the female has-they will still remain the weaker sex.   WAIT<--that wasn't my conclusion at all.  Females will some how tell us the perfect gift they long for.   And they will get it across to us before all the big sales are over at the mall.   I have heard recent "horror" stories of bad gifts on TV lately.  Things like Valentines vacuums and toilet covers.  So I must now say to all you woman out their in cyber land do not be subtle with your hints.   If you do not want your gift to turn you into a lesbian *pauses cause maybe that's what we want... * you have to drop direct ideas.  Not hints hidden in points or long sentences.  Better yet point right at the item at the jewelry store.  Or save the middle man, drop a check and place the new diamond plated teeth right in his pants pocket.   *Please be sure to drop the check first, or you will be spending a lonely Valentines "holiday" with your husband and or lover in jail.  We always check our pants pockets before going to bed, and will surly find the time to wrap the item, even after all of that shopping. 
    I can also say that if you are male *I pause while you check this*and in a relationship--that you would like to stay in.  Buy something great now and later.  Never assume that since you are suddenly sleeping outside.  **In the dog house again, but have no idea why?  You are outside because even the dog now outranks you and his house is inside.  Never assume that  it can not get any worse than residing in the dog house.  It always can.  Buy her an awesome gift.  Tell her and show her you love her.  Repeat directions 1-3 as needed.  And than enjoy sleeping on the couch big boy! 
    Didn't find this article helpful?  Too busy laughing to go shopping?   Looking for a big enough stick to beat me with?   Please add to the comment section!   I posted a past blog about Valentines day.  And will soon, as in before the "holiday" will add several more helpful blogs on the subject. 

1 comment:

  1. I feel your pain steven...I have been in relationships that I thought were going well, only to be blindsided by things I NEVER suspected as a problem...especially a deal breaker problem.....I'm also in a marriage I never expected...I'm a very sexual person, and my future wife seemed to fit perfectly as my dream mate....UNTIL after we married last August 10th. We have'nt had relations of ANY kind since..She does'nt mind my using the computer, but it's NOT touch....I love her very much in every other, but I feel a little betrayed that she made me think our life would something different then what it turned out to be....