First off I would like to state that yelling "Wha!?" any place you go and or work can be hours of fun. At one Wally World I worked at, one, as in not me, could yell "what" down the hallways and hear it echo from worker to worker. That was one of the calmer things we did at the great box store. At my last restaurant job, I got in trouble for yelling wha. Apparently scaring some older lady. It was fine to yell "sheep are safe" through the store, possibly because they are, but not the former! Next I need to add, to do it right-you have to drop the T and yell the Wha loud and randomly. But not all the time, people with names like Dough Boy, who yell the word out every 2.5 seconds ruin it all! You have to mix it with other random thoughts and phrases. I liked to switch mine about once a week. Some day I will tell more of the many tails from that restaurant.... "Wha!" and from Wally World.
Two daze ago I went on my second jog of the week. But before number one, it had been a looooong time. I will have to admit that the jogging came easier. There was way more jogging than walking/resting involved. Although my legs and feet hate me even more now. Because of that I took yesterday and today off from jogging. To keep in the groove, I went on some nice exploring walks. I will share more on this very soon, with pictures even! I would also like to acknowledge that on the same day I started jogging again, I also smoked a cigar and drank beer. Baby steps. I am working on a total do over on myself. But am so far gone in some aspects, it will take many many baby steps to better myself. *New place, New me. * I take most blame on my great backtrack in health and such. But argued with my brother several times about how ones surrounding, people mostly can greatly affect you. Either bringing you down or helping boost you up. His opinion is wrong, so we will ignore it. I now live in a very positive place in MANY aspects of the word. And am surrounded by great sights and great people. This is in turn making me feel better to great about myself.
I also officially started my job hunt once again a few days back. I will easily admit that any job hunt is worse to me, than any job I have ever held. I had a really bad job interview today, but find reassurance in the fact that that frees me up to several interviews in the next few days. That was my one bad one! Don't laugh at me. The job was for a really snazzy local, awesome Italian restaurant dishwasher. And after looking at my resume, the manager kept saying that I really didn't want to be a dishwasher, did I? I kept trying to assure her that it was a great foot in the door, and any job was better than no job--in better put language. She did fax the resume to her manager. So maybe it wasn't all bad. I was mostly happy that the job would be so close to were I live and that it was advertised on Craigs List, and real! I have been fooled on that one before. Who has the time to post fake job offers? *Note to self--take down those fake job offer ads....*
In closing I would like to say I am once again in the dog house, deep at home. I am not toatly sure why this time. But must say that it is better than being in our cat litter box. For whatever reason, even the cats will not poo in it right now. I would also like to say, that I will do whatever it takes to fix it this time, and every time. I feel in love with the biggest hearted gal around years ago. I can show you a three page list of just a few of the great things she does, all the time. I feel out of love and was ready to move on. And than at some point I feel back in love. Fell even deeper. During the pause we learned some bad things about each other. Things that can never be truly fixed. But one can not completely smoother true love. No matter how much you wish it could. I feel in love with the person and there kids, not there actions or afflictions. And I can't just turn it off. The past is past, and the future is scary but it's like that for anyone if they linger on changes to much. The present is what needs worked on by everyone, but mainly myself.
I will in no way push any relationship anymore. But must say that their will be no perfect time for either of us --at the same time, to take it back to the next level. I am truly sorry. Not for the past, because it can't be changed, and everyone has a past,probably leaning more toward the bad. But for what I will do in the future. I will never purposely try to hurt you. But I am a man and mere mortal. I am sorry for whatever I have done to your family, to make them resent me so much. I will never try to do things to hurt you, your kids, or your family. And once working again, will continue to support everyone to the best of my ability.
That said --words hurt. The world tries to take everyone down, and it is not my fault. Comparing me to your ex -stings as much as when your mother compares you to him. I am daily trying my damndest and mostly coming out losing. True love is give and take. I have no problem bowing down and slowing things way down. But if you decide their is truly nothing left --I need to be the second to know.
I came here to be a family. I have supported your family even while four states away. Now that I am in the same state, all I want to do is be a part of your family. Not take it over. Or change things. I obviously havn't been showing it latly, but love the crap out of ALL of you. And have provided what I can since getting here, even without working. Not being in the family picture should have been my first sign I guess. You don't need extra pressure at all. And I am not trying to give it in any way.
Love you forever and a day!