Saturday, December 31, 2011

Good Bye 2011

                                    **"I can start using my new calender tomorrow!"**----

  Yes I am easily amused, but the dam thing has been laying around my room for the last month.   And unless I want to figure out how many days till next Christmas, in an attempt I already  know will fail to shop early, it has not been a very useful gift so far.  

    I am trying to recall what I did last New Years.  I know I was in Washington state, and I was watching fireworks over the Space Needle on TV.   They shoot them off the top of the building.  The whole area is filled with very happy, very cold, very tipsy spectators.   The top of the Needle, as those of us in the IN call it, or those of us that are lazy typers type---becomes a VIP lounge for partiers.   This is much more enjoyable to watch than the Dick Clark Rockin Bopin Non Stopin special.   *May not be the official name of the special.   Although you can enjoy watching the ball drop several different times if you have cable TV.   Dick Clark is scary now!   That is the cliff notes of this paragraph.   I really can not recall anything else from that night, and for once it was not from drinking to much.  

   The best New Years I can recall was in Portland Oregon.   A place I hate and call Potland for more than one reason.   Maybe best is the wrong word.  But I will never forget this year.  It was 2000 and my roomie and I made the trip to party it up!   That year the city decided to not offer free fire works.  People instantly went in a huge panic and started to protest.  Oregon people, if nothing else know how to protest.  If they put there bongs down long enough to decide to join the cause.   Residents did not put down there bongs long enough to realize that there were still going to be fire works, and they could still be viewed for free, out of the viewing area, by looking up!  
    Riots soon broke out through the entire city.   We witnessed a nice group of young people, trying to tip over a police car near the city center.   The same young people soon became very familiar with the car owners police batons.   Riot cops started to enter the area and we decided it was past time to exit the area.   On the opposite side of town we were trying to enter a very busy bar.  Is there anything but busy bars on New Years?   We had been watching rioters for quite awhile, and were getting parched.  But our thirst was not going to be fixed soon.  Just as we were crossing the street to the bar four men decided to argue with the bouncers of the bar.   The men were very drunk, and very small compared to the bouncers.  The bouncers reminded the men of this, by tossing them into the street, head first.   Before we could enjoy the fight or enter the bar, a line of riot police showed up and blocked off the area.   Not letting anyone else in the bar.   At  some point the police found a need to pepper spray the entire area.    I will say this was the first time I got pepper sprayed.   I wont say it was the last. 
     It was getting very near midnight.  And it is not very manly to be crying or yelling "Theres pepper in my eye!" And no, there is not a pill for that!  So we took off in an almost blind, disturbingly sober search for another bar to yell the New Years countdown in.   Several blocks down we found an Irish pub.   We grabbed some brews and enjoyed not one, but 12 separate count downs to the new year.  Because non of the drinkers had bothered to coordinate there watches.  

       I pause very quickly, against my better judgement to explain the 2nd time I was pepper sprayed.  More accurately I sprayed myself.   While living in Oregon, I got every kind of driving ticket there is.  My biggest "accomplishment" being a speeding ticket, while I was parked.   As I argued in court over the BS ticket, I some how called the judge a jackass *in a little nicer termage* and got contempt of court and double the fine.   BUT I learned what contempt of court meant!   See, I try to learn something every day.  And than pass on the learning to my 2.5 readers.   The only dumberer comment in all my dealings with police, involved asking a motorcycle cop whom had pulled me over for not wearing my seat belt, were his seat belt was.  I list all of my best cop experiences in a past blog, and I was even surprised how many I have had.   Anyways, you stray from the topic.  After most of my visits with police, I was rewarded with a ticket of some kind.   At one point to lower all my fines, I joined the road crew.  One day as we were putting all our tools back on the work trailer, I was very near a sheriff.  And some how hit the can of pepper spray on his belt.   It shot straight up in both of our faces.  After the cop realized it was a mistake, and he put away his gun, we all had a good laugh.   And I needed to wash both my eyes out  and my underwear!

    I think the next best New Years I can recall was in Washington state.   A great gal and I had spent the night out.   At some point in the night, we both tried out luck at being single.  And I ended up with the most phone numbers some how.  But it was a win/lose because I got hit on by an exact equal number of guys and girls.  I lived at the top of a very steep hill, and it had rained that night.   Between high heels, rain, and lots of beverages it took us about 45 minutes to get up that stupid hill.  I really can not disclose much more about that night, but can say that it will forever stick in my memory banks as a great New Years.   With free fire works in my apartment.  

         I stop to ponder---  can one use the pharmacy drive through at Wal-Greens to pick up cigarettes, if you claim they are your medication?  

     So in closing I heard today that 2012 does not bring the end of the world.  Just the end of the world as we know it.   A huge group of aliens is going to visit the planet.  And try to revel to us that we have been worshiping a false God for years!   They will enslave us and become our new rulers and Gods.  I think they were from that newly discovered planet, that is said to be 100 percent possible to be inhabited.   Word is there are already three Star Bucks on the planet!   Since I now look like a Mormon at work, I did not really listen to the above story of our future, so am not sure how accurate my accounts are.   I can accurately state that if you are a real Mormons, you should not watch South Parks version of how the book of Mormon came about!   I can also say that I will be around wishing you a happy 2013 in some lame sauce blog! 

1 comment:

  1. Your account of New Years past is quite entertaining.