Tuesday, December 6, 2011

I'm not positive your wrong, I am HIV Postive your Wrong!!

    **"How did I end up in a senior center?  Wait I'm just at Wal-Greens."**---Special Ed Smurf

    In this town the above statement can apply easily almost anywhere you shop.   The above persons name, may or may not be there real name.   One of my friends now calls me Smurfy Mcsmurfington the 3rd.  An upgrade? from Papa Smurf.  Which makes me wonder a few things---- Y?   Who are the first two Smurfys.   How good is the smurf movie--and is it in 3-D like everything seems to be right now.  And lastly, if you were to choke a smurf, would it turn purple?   I have been threatening to do an entire post about "code names" and one really is coming soon.   At one Wally World I had a two paged list of peoples code names through the store, and I think it bugged me more when I lost that list, than when I lost my box of un replaceable pictures.   Of course both were un replaceable I guess.   People at my current job, seem very depressed when they do not have a nick name.   And at least one day worker is more than ready for a master list of the names, so she will know who the hell I am talking about, in most of my stories.   She is also the one that thinks with the new work uniforms, that I look overly like a Mormon.  We have crisp white shirts, with ties.  And I just feel like I need a briefcase to complete the outfit.   Maybe printing out some pamlets about my own ideas of the word would be in order?   I could have different ones for different customers.   One with just a face shot of me, and my phone number in it, for the cute customers.   I am in no way making fun of Mormons here.   I know a lot of them, and have great respect for them and there beliefs.  I just think I would prefer looking more like maybe a stripper at work, at least the tips would be better.  Customers would pay me to put my clothes back on!   If you are an attractive female, or my above thoughts do offend you, my personal phone number is 2.

                                          See the movement is already catchin' on, yo!

                           **"My computer is on crack tonight---and it won't share!"**

  This blog has takin longer to type up than most, because my computer does not want to cooperate, for sure.  I have had it for two years, and could possibly blame something that is slowing it down, caused while downloading porn.   But wont.   Last month I somehow downloaded a virus protector that is a virus.  And it has been causing problems ever since.  My landlord also changed our wi fi provider, and it is beyond slow.   When I can get on Facebook, change my status, check my Yahoo mail, and get off my cell phone in less time than it takes my computer to get on the Internet, there might be a small problem.  

     **"It got near 37 outside today.  After the last week, that's a heat wave!  Time to break out my shorts!!"**

 Not to much to add to the above.   I have been bitchin' about the cold for the last week on here.  If you haven't read about it or heard about it from me, consider yourself lucky!

   So, I tend not to share about work on here to much mostly because I am never sure who reads my blogs, and I would like to keep my job.   I have had some bad experiences in the past, finding out the hard way that more people read my rambling than I had thought.   I try to keep everyone on there toes at work.  And have a great time doing it.  Although many a time, I notice others are not amused.   I often also notice, that when I glance around, I am the only one laughing.  This is true in most aspects of my life from work to dating life.   But at least I am entertained!   My day time co-workers are much more on top of things  work wise, and at throwing the wise cracks back in my face.  
   Two examples I will share real quickly from the last week.   I guess if you are a slow reader, I  will not share them that quickly, really.   About a week ago I noticed a co-worker was posting about work on her Facebook page.  Knowing that our main boss was one of her friends, I mentioned something about this.  I love to "take over" peoples statusus, and have noticed that my conversations seem to go south amazingly quickly.  I guess when your mind lives so close to the gutter, it goes there fast?  I kept things clean, because of the main boss this time though.  Anyways at one point my boss and I were the only two having a conversation on the posts.  And I explained Wally World management 101 to her----If you are going to fire someone make sure and do it on a Friday, because they have the now free weekend to look forward to, and will be happy!   If you fire them on a Monday or the middle of the week, they will be way more angered, and could come back and go postal on the managers.   You learn a lot at Wally World in general, but especially in manager training.   Anyways, the manager than thanked me, and said how she would use this new info if show would ever have the need to fire me!   As always, I was just glad to help.
   A few days after that, I was explaining to the day crew  how when I transferred from Wally World to Wally World, I would go around to the many co-workers that didn't especially like me, and ask them for gas money, so I could leave even sooner!  At the end of this story, I looked around and noticed my manager ducking into her office.   She came back with a $50 bill and held it in front of me.   I can feel the love at work, every day!

                             A true smart ass----notice the picture does not show me~!

    I would never call myself the brightest crayon in the box.  In fact my ex had a special shirt just for me saying "you can't fix stupid."  And I often wish I could wear my helmet to work.   I also used to spell special different every time I typed it in at work.  Which made me extra special, or a Big Horn High student.   But I always love to meet new and interesting people!   Especially if they could be called Blondy--and are not blond.   We have a server now named Blondy at work, and people often ask me why shes called that, with brown hair.   I simply tell them to talk with her for just a little bit, and they will understand.   She really is a great person, but better yet is her constant entertainment.  I believe the last Revelation was that she had been spelling hamster, with a p all her life.  And was sure that it was hampster.   I guess that furry creature stayed with the laundry and protected it while in your laundry hampster?   The best was when we at work, had her convinced that the kids coloring sheet had a hidden animal picture in it.   She carried the dam place mat around with her all weekend trying to find the picture.  And even took it home with her to have her parents help in the search.   Long story short, there was no hidden animal.   I also realize that the above is not how anyone spells blondie, but find it much more interesting to spell that word wrong   At least I don't add a P to it right?   

     Anyways, I have this sudden urge to meet my friends neighbor now.  And I can't wait till I do.  I think I will learn O so much talking to her.  And be able to fill a blog, just with pure gems like these.  Or maybe I just need to meet  her parents because they must both be college professors.   Just lately she was talking to my friend about were her kids were born.   Her daughter was born in New Mexico.  And the neighbor, we will call her Gretta, because that is fun to type seemed instantly shocked.   Wondering how my friend got her baby smuggled across the boarder, and if all the paperwork was filled out right so that she wasn't staring at an illegal allian.  
   Before this all happened, and after everyone involved broke out the US state map book.   The same neighbor went over to my friends and explained that she had HPV but that her doctor assured her it wasn't sexual transmitted.   Again I would instantly wonder a few things.  One: who is her doctor, so I could never go to them.  Two: How does she think she got the STD?   And B: In who's world is this even a conversation starter or ender?     I have often thought you could get just about anything from a toilet seat on the greyhound bus.   And since the bus stops every two freaking hours, will do the pee pee dance, to avoid not having to use the restrooms on the bus.  I have even written about these thoughts in a past blog.   Etched further in my mind, by my ex's past contious warnings about diseases one could pick up from a public restroom.   Mostly causing me to wander what she in fact had, and wanted to blame on me using the bathroom at the ball park, until I found she was getting all of these facts from pamphlets from her oldest sons sex ed classes.  
    In conclusion to all this, yes finally, I will be respectful when I meet this person.  I will keep from laughing so that the conversation will continue as long as possible.  I will also fill a notebook in notes. 

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