Sick o Being Sick

    So in week two of this grand flu that everyone seems to have, but no one can get rid of.  I am almost glad that I have no job to suffer through, while also attempting to cough up a lung.  Although it is always great to share, soon making everyone at work as miserable as yourself.  In between coughing, all of this down time makes me feel like a useless member to society.  I really haven't been job looking, because something about wandering around in the pouring rain, does not seem like a quick cure all for the flu.  So, to feel somewhat productive, I have updated my FB status 22 times and am now typing today's blog addition.   I am in hopes that I have so much flu medicine in me, that it will be a highly amusing article.  It is more likely that it will be even more misspelled than normal and harder to follow than my last phone call with my grandparents.  I have decided that if you can explain something to a grandparent--you can explain it to anyone.
    Now I have to ask if sick people should go to work?  Flu/puking/green faced sick people.  Not those of you that are sick in the head.  That is a job requirement for many work places now.  I never seem to have medical coverage or paid time off,  so going to work no matter what is usually the option chosen.   Working in a restaurant the last year, I was much more careful about staying home when overly sick.  Others their were not.  We had a dishwasher that prided himself in leaving some food on the cook line for the customers.   Wait!  he prided himself for coming to work a week straight, while overly sick.   It's nice to share most of the time, but not when you work around food all day.  
    He is the kind of person I want to lick on the face when I do get the flu.   To thank him for spreading the disease.  Notice I say when I get it, because you know everyone in the work environment will get some mutant strand of his disease.  I can see were you might go to work sick, or thorough the drive through down the street.   Cooking while sick is no picnic ether.   But those fools that roll out of their death bed, put on sweats over their pj's and than go shopping , to cough all over the store  really irk me.   Wait till you are better to buy that 64 pack of Twinkies dam it!   As a cashier in a store, it is really fun.   Someone hands you money, which is always clean, and than hacks in your face while you count their change back to them.  "My doctor said this cough is caused by something new, they do not even have a name for it yet.   Isn't that thrilling....."    It is because, surprise I now have it too!   The worse part may very well be going to the doctor.  They poke and prod you with cold instruments.  And than happily proclaim that you are sick!   26 pill bottles later you are sent home to suffer away from them.  While the doctor prods someone else and counts all his money. 
    In a household when the flu hits you usually just pass it around.  The least sick person becomes the caretaker.  And in the end, the others all go off to play while the caretaker stays under the covers with a mutant strand of everyone Else's sickness.  
    

Lazy Saturday--Except for the lizard in my bed.

                                     **"Saturdays are spelled L-A-Z-Y!"**---Garfield

                                      **"After Tuesday, even the calender says WTF!"**

    Today seems to be Saturday.  It's funny how no matter how bad the week is, the daze of the week are always in the same order.  It's a very lazy Saturday, which is the best kind.  I have been drinking coffee, posting ads on Craigslist, drinkin' coffee, checking my e-mail, coffee drinking, peeing a lot--from all that beverage drinking, and avoiding watching any cartoons at all costs.  All of this free time has made me also start thinking about alllll of the things I did not accomplish this week.   At the same time it has made me think about a favorite story of mine.  Although it was a traumatizing night of sorts.   I tend to retell my own stories to much when I am drunk.  This means I either need to constantly find new friends to tell the stories to, have more adventures, or just consume enough beer that I don't care if the people want to hear my story again or not.  This story my girl friend actually asks me to tell once I am nice an tipsy.  I fear, like most of my rambling, it will loose a lot in the written form.   I tell stories much better verbally.  Hopefully this is not true and you enjoy.  If not, I'm sorry --but I have today's blog done!
    One night several years back I feel into a rare, deep deep sleep.  The kind of sleep were your eyes thank you in the morning, and you wake up in a pool of drool, wishing you had a snorkel.   With out my knowledge or consent, my right arm was also in a deep sleep.  It went numb from about the elbow down to my fingers.   Somewhere along the line, as I was flipping over in bed.  Laying their drooling.   My left hand brushed across my numb arm.  My brain did not recognize the feeling at all.  And I was instantly freaked out and startled awake.   Half awake at best.  With sleep sand still filling my eyes, I kept feeling the dead arm with my good arm.  I didn't know I was feeling my numb arm.   And my sleepy self was telling me something was in my bed.   Something that should not be in my bed!  And within seconds I was sure a lizard had somehow picked me as a bed mate.   I instantly decided that I did not want to be bed mates with a lizard.  And that if one could find me, maybe it's whole family was nearby.
    This prompted me to try and lean up in bed even more.   Unfortunately I tried this with my lame arm.  This resulted in my head hitting the sheets.  Drool and all.   This put me closer to the attack lizard!   And caused my face to drip.  Deciding the lizard could have the bed all to it's fine self, at least until I could find something to squish it with.   I than decided it best to bail up and out of the bed.   Way out if at all possible.  
    Again unfortunately my legs were tangled in the bed sheets.   And I very ungracefully landed head first on the floor.  Inches from my bed.  I would score it an 2.5 out of 10.  My feet trapped in the sheets, still on the bed.   It took awhile to get off the floor, because my arm was still very numb and my feet very tangled.  
     After getting up, sleep was out of the question.   And I was up for the day.  

**Mini Rant** 03 I'm sorry, your sorry that I'm not sorry!

    

    I have started a new section to the blogs called "mini rants"    I slowly have incorporated them into Facebook when I am overly disgruntled.  I hope to add a new one on here every Friday and at some point would like to do them in movie form, so you can hear my anger.   If you as the reader, have anything that really annoys you---- add it to my comments section    and it might become my next rant.    This one actually is published on a Friday--yo!

  
                       I'm sorry, your sorry that I'm not sorry!     Thanks for playing!         

   **"I'm sorry" two of the most useless words in the human language. Suppose it sounds good & makes one feel good, but is completely useless to the other person."**---Cliff notes from Professor Getty

   I had to recently give a condensed version of all of this to someone.  OK didn't have to, but those of you that know me well know that it's hard to tick me off, but when it happens, it's not purdy.  People around me have learned that speeches are fine tuned and not fun for the receivers.  In this, I will be gentle. 
    Last week I talked about no one taking responsibility for their own actions.  Hand in hand with that, everyone seems to be sorry.  About what they did, what they didn't do, who they did. Example: I forgot to drive you to your new job today, and than you got fired, and robed while waiting in the rain---and for that I am sorry.  That's great that they are sorry, but it doesn't help in any way.  The words sound good.  But are over used.   People are sorry about anything.   When you ask them what their sorry is going to do for you, they have no clue  they are just sorry.   Words mean things, last I checked. 
    One time we spent a week, not getting phone service hooked up.  Luckily it took so long, that we found a new/better service in town and called, wait got a hold of them.  And had phone service in two days.  Another week of hassles with the other company to try and cancel the services and get our deposit back.   Several times the operators hung up on us.   One was when we asked how with three children, we were supposed to call 911 if something bloody happened.  They soon replied that we should call 911.  And we kept wondering how loud we would have to yell down the street to accomplish this with no phone service.   Wondering into a dial tone, because the operator had once again hung up on us.  Before that she kept saying how sorry she was.   Sorry acting?   Sorry that she had picked up the call from us?   More than likely, she had her own problems.  Maybe she was at that moment on hold with her Internet provider.  That was sorry she had received no Internet for three months, but was still sending out a pay or disconnect notice. 
    Everyone is sorry.   But they are not always sure why.  And they don't know how to remedy what they did.  Comcast keeps running commercials about how great service they give.  To make up for how crappy their service really is.   Before that they ran ads saying how sorry they were that they overcharged hundreds of customers.  Recall that fun?   They sent out checks to tons of customers because they had been skimming off them for years.   Were they sorry that they stole.  Or sorry that they got caught by some dam watch dog organization? 
   With the addition of computers and call centers, a whole new annoyances is emerging.  After verifying you live in America and yes do know English.   You have to push a series of buttons to continue talking to the machine.   All of the real operators are sorry they lost their jobs.  Eventually the computer tells you it is sorry for your incovience, prompts you to call back during the hour long business hours each  day, or visit their new call center in South Ball Africa, and than promptly hangs up.   Call centers are about as much fun, except you are not really sure if the person said they were sorry, or that they liked tacos!
    After childhood, saying your sorry is far from cute.   The "puppy dog' eyes just aren't as effective when the person looking at you is 89.   If you need to join the masses, and use those two words.   Please have a remedy to attempt to fix what you have done.   You don't have to follow through.  But having some kind of plan or way of making it up to me, means a huge amount.  Saying I'm sorry--means nothing to me-thanks for playing!

     

24 Hours in The Great NorthWest, yo!

                                 


                                              **"My poo smells like roses!**---April Adams
                                 **"You can't blame it on a blond moment, if it lasts 18 years!"**
     **"Is that all the drugs they found? No one must have check upstairs."**---Willie Nelson

   Hello!   So I am sitting here this fine Thursday at a great coffee joint, watching people with actual lives, get rained on.  This joint has a great view of downtown Bellingham, and all of it's varied characters that make an awesome town, and or blog.  I have also decided that I visit the place to much.  Despite three separate moves to this town, with year long gaps in between, one of the coffee mixers always recalls me!  I am terrible with names, partly because I give most people a code name, and than quickly forget their real name.  And partly because I move all the time.  Each place and job has the same type of people, just they look different and have different names.  I am very good with faces though.   Although working with the public for so long, kind of makes all the faces blend together also.
    I am going to continue straying way off topic and tell two things at the front of my mind this moment.  First, did you see that Willie Nelson just got arrested for drug possession?  They found something like nine pounds of pot in his house.  And he said, "Is that all they found? No one must have checked the upstairs."  This has nothing to do with anything, but might well be my best quote of the week.  And on to exhibit B, one of our cats royally hated me this morning, because she was locked in the bathroom while I was taking a poo.  I was still asleep and found it rather amusing while sitting their.   Luckily my poo smells like roses!  OK, only if the roses you get have been dead for a month, and were nourished with sun and sewer water.
    OK, on a real topic of sorts.   In case you have not gotten the memo, I have lived in Wyoming for the last year, and just recently moved back to Washington state.   Wyoming has deeply cold winters that bury you in in-human cold and snow, and last about 9 months.  Give or take a month or two.  The worse side effect might be that it gets cold enough to freeze your boogers inside your nose. Which is way more uncomfortable than it might seem.  Another bad one is that if you have a white car, and park it outside, you can easily loose it. On the other hand they are used to snow, and lots of it, and the roads are clear before you know it.  Causing many highly disappointed school kids.  Washington, does not see much snow.  They get a few flakes and everyone panics.  They see upwards to a foot of snow and towns shut down.  Snow plows are shipped in from dry parts of the state.  People get desperate and tie snow shovels to the front of their cars so they can leave their driveways.  Drowning and shock from seeing the sun in the winter are far bigger threats in WA.

    Tuesday night a fluke storm moved through and dropped about nine inches of snow on us.  School was canceled so we as a household slept in.   People would not get in their cars unless they had to go somewhere.  And commutes to work were delayed.  By mid morning, the youngest and I went out exploring.  The snow was already mostly piles of slush.  But few were on the streets under the age of twelve.  That evening the rain returned.  And before dark, it was hard to find any signs of snow around.  The following morning, it was still raining and 50 outside. 
    I like seeing four actual seasons.  Wyoming has awesome summers, but they are way to short.  I have seen it snow up on the Rockies in July.  Arizona has spring and than summer all year long.  And the heat is just to much.   Winters in the north west take getting used too.  You definitely have to get used to rain, and have to earn your webbed feet.   To help with the transition is great places, people, and a coffee joint every five feet!

Rambling.

True Dat!

                  **"If thier is no caffiene, what is it for!?"**---Grant Miller


  First I want to thank my small group of readers.  No matter what brought you to the sight.  Please add comments -it will help me improve and or learn from my bad writing, yo. I also have been slackin' at postin' lately.   Coffee is my best friend, but we got a bad batch of coffee grounds lalty.  Juan Valdez isn't watching his quality control enough I fear.  If you add enough sugar and such, it's drinkable  but still not what I would call good.  But caffeine is still added!  
    When I first moved back to the great state of Wyoming, is Wyoming still a state?  If you could find a resident brave enough to go outside in the winter time, you could ask one.  Anyways, when I first moved to the state, I was living with my parents.  They quickly found coffee for me in the mornings.  I assumed since they awoke so early, that they drank real coffee.  Sleeping in is 5 am.  After about four days of drinking a ton of coffee and never really waking up, I stood in the middle of the kitchen, bitchin' about just that.  I figured my tolerance had really went up, because that certain day I had drank a pot of coffee, and was no more awake than before the first drop.  As I was explaining all of these deep problems, my mother was laughing a great deal.   "I have something we need to tell you." she soon proclaimed, and than told me that I had been drinkin' decaff so far that week.
    This was wrong on many levels!  I do not understand decaff coffee on many levels.  But now know more than I want to about the magic liquid helping you go poop, no matter if it is decaff or full caff.  And I than begged them to get me a steaming cup of Star Bucks coffee!
   A few weeks back, I did not rinse out my favorite coffee cup very well, and my favorite drink tasted a lot like soap!   Since the coffee drink makes you go poop, I instantly started to wander if my farts would also blow bubbles.   I did not test this, but if you know the answer, please let me know.  This topic brings us to a long standing argument at our house.  Most people hear the story and are to grossed out to answer the argument.  If you have any insight, please add to my comments.
   One day my girlfriend and I, had a lazy Sunday sleeping in.   I half asleep, decided to pull the covers over her head and fart.  As when your drunk, sleepy ideas are better off left in your head.  I, into the game a little to much, and still partly asleep, pushed a little to hard.  Resulting in some poo in my shorts.  But just a lil bit, mind you!   While she was confused and angered by the green haze in the bedroom, I changed my shorts.  Short story shorter, we now constantly argue about that fine morning.  I say their is a huge difference between squeezing out a little poo and all out crapping your pants.  She says it's all gross and or the same thing.   Let me know what you think.
   I realize this last story has nothing to do with coffee.  Although the poo probably looks and tastes about as good as the coffee we have right now.  But I like to leave people with interesting to morbid visuals in their head!
  


S Bucks newest cups.



Pests Besides Me

Fish Flavored Water!!

   

                                               **89.2% of all my stats are made up!**
    I am sitting here this fine day thinking how fine the day has been.  How fine last year was, and how great this year has been so far.  I have a lot to be thankful for right now.   Today's additions are---actually seeing sunshine, finding out my last pay check turned into two paychecks.  I somehow got vacation time, and being in the second coffee shop of the day!   It's the little things that make me smile.   I was bad mouthing the long buss ride leading up to my day of slacking in town, and following the day.  But at least this area has a bus.  You would freeze your butt off, frozen under a snow  drift waiting for a bus in Wyoming.  Only to be re-discovered in the summer time.  Mainly because Wyoming towns do not have bus service. 
   Some, or everyone may say that free time gives me to much time to think.   This entry could well be proof of that!
   
    Last winter at a restaurant that will remain un-named, if you worked with me, you might very well know the establishments name!  We had a small problem with mice.  The restaurant was warm, had lots of hiding places, and was full of food.   Almost a rodent motel it was.  One night when we were about to close, all of the customers were gone, two of my great co workers came running out of the dinning room, gabbing about a mouse under one of the booths.    I was sure I was swift and sure aimed, and could catch the tiny enemy with a coffee cup.   They seemed to think I was not that quick. 
    I slowly crouched under the table, hangin' off one of the booths, cup hovering in the air ready to pounce on the fury foe.   The audience was sure I would fail, sure from across the room.   Finally I was ready to capture Mickey Mouse Jr.   Somewhat even amazing myself, the cup consumed the mouse, and he was captured.   The others crept closer, bewildered at my speed.  
    As I partically moved the cup, I noticed this was a very inactive creature.  Maybe he was just playing possum.  As I fully pulled the mug away, the limp rodent  landed on the ground with a thud.  I was quickly dismayed to learn that I had caught a dead mouse.   It takes years of practice, to be that fast!

    This reminded me of years ago, while still living in Arizona.  We had a very awesome cat.  A rare statement for me.  I dislike 98% of all cats.  **89.2% of all my stats are made up!**  But this one was very kool, and would roam the fence line at night, kickin the other poor cats butts if they dared come in our yard.   George liked to bring us home prizes all of the time.  From birds to bugs.   And presented them all very proudly.   One day I was alone at home, something very rare in a house of five.  And decided to be very productive of this time and take a long nap.   I was on a couch right under a window.   Soon after hitting dreamland, I started to hear a loud scratching noise above my head.   It was suddenly followed by the cat flying through the window and landing on my stomach.   He bounced into the living room and ran off.   I was still mostly asleep, and this was a very rude awaking on it's own.   My eyes fully opened to something bloody now in my lap.   As I propelled up and off the couch, visions of severed heads or hands bounced around in my head.  When several feet away from the couch I had time to look back.   Fluttering around on the couch was a half dead, highly mangled bird.   My heart started to beat regularly again as George returned for his prize.  

   

New State Mottos? Or Gypsy Tails

  I tend to move a lot.  Always have.   My family and I constantly rotate the Earth in a completely random moving pattern.  

                AZ-  Land of the sweating sun.  Only things grow here are cactus and snakes.  I had several way to close calls with snakes while in the state.  One was a neon orange snake.  I did not get a great look at it, while I was running the other way, but am positive it was a snake and not say a garden hose.  I can not find one like it in any book, or online.  But am sure the bright colors mean it was bad ass and dangerous.   And everything is sharp and or wants to eat you.     I think is the heat, it just pisses animals and people off.    More people moving here than any other state.   Y?   I just sold my 80  and got an 10 acre track home landscaped in dirt.  The landscape changes every time the wind blows.  So daily.  It is 80 outside in the winter, and I am never more than 10  minutes from a Wal-Mart!   Ok maybe I should not do commercials for the state tourism board.  If you have road rage at all, stay away.  People in this state can carry guns as long as not concealed.  And they do.  And they do happily!   Like one strapped to each limb.     Getting cold in the desert--- We have had almost a month of cold.  I left 3 states to get away from cold.  Know it says nothing in the brochures about freaking cold.  It is supposed to always be hot here=desert!   I swear it says something about 24 hrs of sunshine.!

    Snow in hell-- heard rhomers and threats about snow in the desert but didn’t think it was true.  How can it snow were it is 120 in the shade?  Did just so the other day.  Nothing was sticking of course.  And the kids were way to excited.  Just means we have lived in the land of the sweating sun to long.  They /I have forgotten what the white stuff is.  Easy down front, not talking about Coke--this time.  I grew up were that’s all it does, snow that is.  Ok to be fair, only 9 months out of the year.  Coke is probably all a lot do their to.  Cold dark wet , and they wander why the pregnancy rate is so high.  What else is their to do?  If I still lived their I would probably have 22 kids, and my own baseball team! 

      Valley fever--- No it’s not support for your favorite valley team.  I was just diagnosed with that.  Apparently there is so much loose dust blowing around, beyond getting in your eyes, and mouth, it gets in your lungs.  And makes some people sick.  The entire state, that isn’t under buildings mostly wal marts, is blowing dust.  An actual plus for the box stores, they keep acres and acres of dirt from blowing in your face.  Also priceless in covering up those annoying swamps and ponds that used to mark the edge of town!  Unless the runoff from the store makes the swamps glow a bright green in the middle of the night.  Again, I should not do publicity for any organization, probably including my own books.  “Buy this book to keep me….. See?       So apparently there are two cures.  Stop breathing in the dirt, or move.  Or you can take a horse pill every day for the rest of your life in AZ!  When do you stop taking the pill?  When you have your U Haul blasting down the highway, dust clouds at your back, laughing at alllll the U Hauls heading toward AZ! 

                Oregon----   Always wear your rubbers when IT'S wet!   Everything grows their, once you get used to your webbed feet.   Could throw a bag of bagels in front dirt covered yard, well mud covered, and have grass growing a week later.    Balls itching constantly first moved their.    Try working with that.  Jump around the corner to help customer,

As you try to scratch with your mind.  And than hurry the customer along.      Major teams the ducks and beavers, so intimidating they both are.    Hikes, always waiting to trip into someone’s pot field.  We were usually on private property in the middle of no were lost.  Never did find anything kool.    Hikes usually involved 2 of us, no one else went on a second hike with us.   Falling down hills, while lost  saying this is why were single!    Buddy extremely scared of spiders.  I always reminded-they don’t eat much.  Id be ahead busting out a trail, hear loud screaming.   Rushing back, thinking he fell off a cliff-he standing their, holding self, pointing at a spider.  Like hiking with a gal!    Course he knew I was equally or more scared of snakes.  Randomly through sticks at my yelling, it’s a flipping snake!!   Hours of fun.    Hikes with Pork Chop.  Larger boy that went on more than one hike with us!   One long ass hike, going straight up this huge ridge trying to beat a rain storm.  Meaning their was a break in the rain---it was summer!     We lost sight of him, and could not hear heavy breathing any more.   Look back and he is curled in the fetal position way down the hill.   Resting.    We have no pic  so to this day   he claims not in fetal position.    Sneaker waves--

-  Beaver state---mostly just saw them dead on the road.   Taxidermist friend, stuff them in diff sex positions for around the house. 

                Washington---    Major tourist sight for me, very first S bucks in Seattle,  cause it is dark and gloomy every day.  They actually sell boxes of light their.  That  simulates the sun coming up and setting.  What a racket.  What do you do?  Well I sell lights to gloomy people that are sick of 360 daze of rain.    Others not as impressed.  I recall scaring the crap outta two locos while asking them to take my picture in front of the, in my head famous building.  Beautiful country though, mtns. Bays ocean o my!  People not from the great north west, do not understand how important coffee shops are.  Makes the daily clouds not as bad, and makes you o so mellow.     They sell light boxes.   And it is so depressingly dark so much of the year, you want to buy one.  Sets off a sun like glow that dims some during the day   in your house.  And the coffee houses are every were.  It would even take someone that became jobless from spending so much time drinking coffee, their life to hit even half of the coffee houses in WA.  So maybe they could hit half of the Starbucks in the state!  They are on every corner kind of like Walgreens.  You can sit in one and wave at the drinkers on the other 3 corners.   With so many new stores opening.  Soon they will have to open a new s bucks inside the restrooms of the current locations.  How awkward is that, you sound like you are having trouble in their sir, here is a special brew, we call it our pooping potion!  You have beenur away from your caffeinated beverage for awhile now, can I freshen it up?  Baristas, double as towel holders when you are done in the restroom.  Do those workers never have to wash their hands, because they don’t actually leave the bathroom?    After three years in AZ, it is so strange to be were there are liquor stores again.  You can buy any kind of beverage, from beer to hard A at Wall Mart in AZ.  Usually on isle number 13.  Truly makes it one stop shopping for any red neck.  I got my bullets, tequila, hair dye, dog food, fishing licence, denture cream, and diapers in one stop y’all!  Plus they have drive through liquor stores their.  You can’t drink and drive, but…   Sometimes I am sure they become actual drive though stores, after the driver has had twenty to many drinks.  And the liquor stores close early in these states.  You have to think about and plan a party early to have the appropriate beverages. 

                Montana ---Big sky country.     Reasonable and prudent.   Used to have no speed limits.   *reasonable and prudent.    Which meant you made the highway patrol happy, or you got a ticket.  If it was snowing, blowing, and raining, and your sports car had bald tires as you were going 120, backwards through a school zone you might as well have fun with the cop, cause  it was reasonably to think you were not prudent and going to jail.   Do not pass go.      To many people died and they went back to having speed limits.    But most of the roads are so wide open.   About the only thing  to hit   is sage brush.    Or cows,  actually saw a Geo hit a  cow.  If it wasn’t a cowpact before  it became one.    So boring, and they only fix the roads in tar patchworks, not a whole road at a time.  I can not recall whole parts of the trip home,   and can’t connect it to drinking  solely boredom!

                Wyoming---  Sheep, they aren’t just for wool!   Sheep are safe!   Claims to fame are being the cow boy state, and being the equality state.   Goes down hill from their.   Sheep constant joke.  Wear Velcro gloves in public once and it follows you for life.  Story bout --- cow & sheep trailers I will tell soon. 

                S Dakota----   We got more snow than  residents.   At least they have Mount Mushmore and tourist traps every were.  Why would anyone else want to go their, except to get away from N Dakota.  = we got more snow than S Dakota!!   I am sorry for anyone from their, not because I am about to make fun of the dreaded state, but because you have once lived their---or worse yet   have to go back their after your vacation. 

New York   -  We survived  9-11  now we have a reason to be rude.

N.J.  -- The Statue of Liberty is on our side---look it up!

CA.  Were taking over  one state at a time.  Or learn how to swim, before we fall into the ocean.

Colorado--The other square state.     They do have South Park as a claim to fame.  Two hicks from their were so bored that they created a cult classic that is hours of enjoyment. 

Texas---Only steers and queers come from here.   Ok I have never been to Texass so I will only make fun of the state a little bit.    But maybe if everything is bigger their   I should visit with my gf.  She will finally think my dick is abnormally large.    

Idaho---no you the ho! 

Utah---9 Mormons per every Norman!!

AZ--Land of the sweating sun!

Louisana—New land owning opportunities cheap

Arkansas--Repent or move!----**I have a full blog about the strange happenings going on in this state.  Check it out.