Small Town Saturday Night and Field Trips to THE Field

    Field Trips---   I grew up in the middle of no were, field trips were always an adventure  well at least memorable.  Cattle butcher, Indian fights, city park, Wal mart. --o my.  If only than I would have know it would become my future job, I might have takin' notes.      They were all a thrill a minute.  Worse was one cold ass day we took a bus to an empty field near a cold looking river.  Ranger Rick came out of a shack about the size of an out house, as we unloaded the bus.    Milk fish….. It’s not even as fun as it sounds.  Apparently in this modern age, fish can not reproduce by themselves.  Or it was an early lesson in safe sex.  Mine is to simply keep the lights on.   The fish are corralled near you.  We took turns getting into the frigid water and grabbed a fish.  If it was female, you coaxed them for awhile, talking romantically and than squeezed their many eggs near the shore in a slow part o the stream.   If it was male, you squeezed till white *milk   **wink wink   came out over the eggs.   Thus making angry fish who just wanted to have fun, and helping repopulate fish once again!  Don’t squeeze to hard though, or red stuff comes out, ruining the whole experience for you and the fish.   Who thinks up this stuff ?  We were like ten, dang you Ranger Rick. 

What could possibly beat a trip like that you ask?  ASK!  Actually I picked the best for first.  But we took other trips.  It was Wyoming were their was lots of open space for the cowboys to take from the Indians in the past.  So lots of fights were on the list.  What is more thrilling than to drive 200 miles to an empty field   some did have cows now   and hear about a battle that happened way before the casinos were built at the edges of the property.   First off you learned that the cows and people running around with metal detector's were not authentic. As you walked through the field, everything could be a relic.  That stick, that .. no it’s a pine cone.  That cool looking…  ewwww it’s a freaking cow pie! We also took trips to places like Wal Mart!  Many of our future job sights!    And another real crowd pleaser  the slaughter house.  Many of the rest of ours future jobs! What better than learning were your dinner came from?  And what veal really looked like.  Not that people from the west didn’t know that by the age of 5.    Which leads us to why so many cows are eatin'.   They are stupid animals.  Ever drove up to one laying in the middle of the road?  They don’t moooooove no matter what you do.  You are sitting in a huge vehicle that could turn them into so many juicy, tasty, flame broiled Mcburgers and they don’t move.  That noted, maybe we are not the brightest either  as we just sit their.   Waiting for them to move and or "moooing" at them.  I believe that they would do the same if you were standing in front of them with a large rock over your head or a gun.  The deer, etc would run like hell. 

                Mutton Busting---  Anyone from the west already knows it’s funny.  Heck their parents probably put them through it.  But with all the sheep jokes that come with living in the boring west this “sport” does not help matters much.  People that grew up in other states, I have recently learned know nothing about it. 

   Rodeos----

Classmate was a bull rider   actually several were, but his mother was a teacher at our school so we got a daily update on the bull circuit and how dangerous it was. She hated that he did it.  Well one day, he got bucked off and his head stomped on a few times.  And lost most of his short term memory.  I think that might be a great thing.  You told me nothing about this dinner with your folks…… As you are sitting at the dinner table.  “Whom are these old foggies and why do they look so much like you?”

She was always overly happy about things, and didn’t let a drooling kid change that.  This happened near Easter time, and walked in one day saying that her kid could hide his own Easter eggs from himself.  Saving her hours of time!  

Future Book Intro?

    One day I sat down and tried to write enough comic material for a stand up act.  I still have not got the courage to do so.  But stood up, with pages and pages of random thoughts.  Some of them were atually amusing.  As in excatly two!   My blog is mostly here to make you laugh.  But I hope that as I keep up on it, I will have more material and advance in my writing.  Maybe years down the line, I can take best blog entries, pay an editor very well  and turn them into a book.  So that everyone buying it can be annoyed.   The following is on possiable book intro.

       Hello folks! My name is Steven initials spell SLA or SA for my Spanish amigos SA! and this is my first night on the stage so save your tomato throwing to the end. When you know for sure the act sucked, not just by my word, and I can collect them in a bucket. The lovely lady towards the back yelling Booo is my fiancé, she has stuck by my side in the 12 years it took me to get up here. She is near the back cause she has awesome tomato throwing aim. And because she fears I will find a way to bring her on stage. I just did the next best thing, shine that spotlight on her.!
*Writers notes on the notes. Yo yo! **find blurbs in file cabnet…
I open with an apology, not all of my random thoughts are the cleanest. Although my mind does not stay in the gutter, it does have a nice summer home their. I if have any luck at all am full of bad luck. So, have long ago learned to be amused. Many times I am the only one laughing, but as long as I’m happy right? Sitting down trying to get enough materiel for a short stand up comedy routine, I ended up with pages and pages of materiel. I compared it to the blank pages of my memories and sent this one to a publishing company. Possiably induced from my youth when I used to drink like a fish. I believe that I have killed off many brain cells, and the few that are left floating around have lots of room to roam. When two finely do bump into each other I show my goofy ass smile, wich also could mean I farted, or that I had a brain storm and yet another chapter for this book! I think there are few things better than making someone laugh, and hope that days from now, when you get off the floor, shake yourself off and stop laughing you turn away from the back cover with my picture on it, and turn to page one.
These pages have no long stories. And many unfinished thoughts. My copy, signed by the author, sits in our bathroom and is well read. I have learned that because of the internet and T.V. and such, the average reader has an attention span of 5.6 minutes. *All figures scientifically made up. Wich is why my sif. other talks very quickly when we are arguing. This is also why I figure that I lost most of you about a paragraph ago, and could now start making fun of your faciel twerks or that you move your lips as you read. I am above that, and will make fun of everything else. I hope that this book stays in your restroom and is well worn from your short visits to the family office. *It is easier to use the restroom if you place my picture face down while on the pot.
This book has a gurentee that runs out as soon as you exit the store. I do not cover any damages the book may incure. Including paper cuts, wrecks from reading the book while driving, or sore sides from laughing so hard. Although if you complain about the later, I would personally come to your house and kick you in the shins, so your side will not pain you as much! And than thank you, not for buying my book but for being a realative of mine, the only people that still think I am funny-and not just funny looking.
All names have been changed –not to protect the innocent, you all know what you have done. And I am sure can see past a code name. But were changed to protect the most innocent, myself. Hopefully it will save my butt if you are too retarded to realize the story about my fried friend who liked to lick live lizards not only has to many L’s in it, but is not about you. Put down your lizard and toke it up!, Jim. Plus it is quality fun to pick different names for the people you know.
As you may or may not have noticed, there are no pictures in this book. If you saw lots of pictures, including a pop up on page 56 and your entire book doubled as a flip book, you hit our highest sales profile. If after reading the last sentence you tried to see the pretty flip book, you fall in the same bracket. There are a few reasons for the bland pages. First off, everything I draw turns into stick figures that look like they are on crack. And I was to cheap to afford a real artist. In fact this very book was supposed to be 89 pages longer, but I could not afford to cut down any more trees. And B, the artists I did find-could not turn my twisted thoughts into pictures that were approperate for readers under the age of 62.
Writer can not gurentee every story actually happened to him or her. If a story sounds like something you have drunkenly told me in a dive like bar, God bless achole. Some story’s started out as fact, and than took on a mind of their own. Their minds became more stable than mine and usually more amusing. Some words are just overly amusing to me. Because of this I have included an glosery near the end of the book. It would deffinatly not be approved by Funk and Wagnails, and the definitions were approved by my drunkin buddies. If you do not approve, put down your dictionary and I will tell you were to stick it. And in my next book I will personally issue you an apology followed by a very unappealing story even worse than the one you complained about. Feel free to thank me now, thanks for playing!
For those of you that are easily confused and thought you bought a real book. Sometimes you really can judge a book by it’s cover, thank you if you can not! There are no real chapters in this book. I want the reader to be able to pick up the notes, read a blurb or three and than be able to throw it down in disgust. If you are on a plane, fishing in Arizona *if you can find any water*, doing a number two in a honey bucket port a pot, or sitting in traffic in Your Town U.S.A. I want you to not have to worry about something important coming up that takes two years and losing your place in the book. Open it up at any spot and you never have more than six pages before a new topic or break in the non stop action occurs. *Sorry I am also toying with typing the mind blowing blurbs for the back of the book to get more buyers. Although I am sure mere word of mouth will keep me rolling in the dough for shere minutes. There are some deffinate catagorys in the book. A large one is sadly devoted to box stores and retail, because I spent many years working the trait, mainly at a store I can’t name, but rhymes with Fall Apart! Another largish one deals with me and my many experiences with cops. The better stories seem to usually involve myself and beverages, strangly enough. "Chapters" also are often separated by random sayings and brain farts. You should copy the better ones and place them on your bathroom mirror for motivation. If non other than to not become anything like myself. A self I hope you will understand way more by the end of the pages. I know I understand myself much better, and now I can’t sleep at night. I would like to dedicate this book to all of those that have been a part of my life. No matter how small. Especially those few that have been their through the years. Most importantly my parents, whom love me no matter how many of these stories are true! And were never afraid to proof read my writing, and say this is pure crap-honey. Many of the following pages came straight from our family garbage can! Others were their through the years, I will now name a few, in hopes of selling more books. Nat- Who got me out of Wyoming and it’s sheep and had the most popular dogz in the state. Although no one could decide what kind they were. Great Perinishe. It went from spotless dalmations to polar bear doggies. Vegas Dude- Who knows how to party it up in the sticks, but not inVegas, and how funny it is to heckle a Jerry Lewis telethon while it’s live. Professor Getty- I hope you never grow into your age recall that you are only as old as the woman you feel! Wich I guess doesn’t work when the movie 40 year old virgin is your personel screen play. We had many years of stupid F’in hikes and keeping our co-workers in line and essentially hating us. I hope that were ever you are this week, you find this book and bust a nut laughing. I hope you get your own tv talk show and that sailboat the S.S. Enama. And that you find your own personal enama soon. April S- who lives down the name by being one of the smartest people I know. You are one of the truest friends that I have ever had. And I hope for many more years by your side. I always need someone to make fun of. For the rest of you, it’s been awesome and if you ever get to WA state, look me up.

**Mini Rant 02** No Blame

      

                                                     **"Thanks for playing!**

                                                     **Please pull forward."**

     I am going to start a new section to the blogs called "mini rants"    I slowly have incorporated them into Facebook when I am overly disgruntled.  I hope to add a new one on here every Friday and at some point would like to do them in movie form, so you can hear my anger.   If you as the reader, have anything that really annoys you---- add it to my comments section    and it might become my next rant.
    Today's mini rant deals with no one over the age of 14 taking blame for anything.  Someone else is to blame for any ill.  Watching all of those factory smoke stacks smoke, made me start smoking.  Burger King made the coffee to hot, so I have 3rd degree burns.  The Grease Pit doesn't print how unhealthy their  food is for anyone eating it, so I ate a ton of everything, super sized and they made me fat.  The bad job market made me steal.   Some things are beyond any ones control.  Illnesses you are born with for example.  One can either blame everyone around them for years, like the Indians and African Americans still do.  Accept or live each day to the fullest and try and spread joy.


Drinkin is bad mmmmm kay!?

     I realize I have a nice beer gut starting to grow.  It is more noticeable with the accompanying A cup mainly bresticles.  I also realize that my eating and or drinking are the reason for this.  And although at the time I chose to live with the gut, and ill fitting shirts, I know how to fix the problem.  Theirs this new concept called exercise I have been slacking on lately.  And a little less hand-- to mouth motions might make my manly keg tummy shrink down to a cute mini party keg. 
    This all started several months back.  I was talking to a friend about BP.  *Note--he is big boned.  He is addicted to lifting weights all the time, but addicted to eating more, so when he invites people to view the gun show **His muscle filled arms**  they ask for their money back--because no one wants to see a cap gun show!  Anyways, our argument went from BP to fat people.  I work in a restaurant, and he soon blamed restaurant workers as the number one contributor to people being fat.   Really?   I do not recall force feeding any of my customers. It might have had something to do with a constant hand to mouth action repeatably repeated.  And maybe the pitchfork and shovel combo used at the dinner table.   I went on a cuss filled rant and the friend be-freinded me on Facebook.   That showed me!  But I started to realize most of my friends do this.   They are not to blame for anything. 
    And the more you look around--society in general blames others for everything.  If I screw up at work,  I start laughing-and man up to the wrong doing.  I don't instantly start pointing fingers or blaming the next co worker to walk into the room.  Ever notice how many warnings even the simplest product has printed on it?  That jar of toothpicks has 22 warnings.   Its because last year that electric toothbrush Susy Q stuffed down her pants stuffed down her pants--quickly damaged, attacked, and violated her.   When she could stand up again she called a shifty lawyer and collected 20.20 million dollars and a Hymen repair kit.  All of the toothbrushes were recalled from the market and now come with two pages of warnings.  Complete
with one page explaining which holes to keep the brush out of. 




Spilled coffee is hot!

     In Oregon state--if someone drinks to much at your bar and than wraps his now convertible around a telephone pole.  He can come and take you to court, for serving him to much booze.   It is not his fault in the least for asking or consuming the booze.   More people need to grow up and take responsibility.   Get over yourself, don that dunce hat.  If your a big un, you ate to much.   If you dump coffee in your crotch--you walk funny for awhile and buy a coffee cup with a good lid.  Its not my fault or the manufacturers, that you have a negative IQ thanks for playing!

2012 Is Right Around The Corner-Yo

                   

                               **"When the appocyolpse happens, can I have your car?"**

    **"We don't have to start worrying about the American economy, until Mexicans start going back to Mexico in droves."**

    Happy New Year!   Hope yours was great cause if listen to the news, Mayan Indians and their calender of doom, movies, Al Gore, and now Arkansas reports--we are all dying in 2012.  In Arkansas--new state slogan is---we have Wal Mart--Don't mess with our rednecks, on New Years Eve 500,000 black birds fell dead out of the sky.  125 miles away, also in Arkansas 100,000 of the same type of fish were found dead.  *And no, the cause wasn't from falling birds killing them.       Maybe the Mayans were on to something?
That's surely what students of the famed Mayan 2012 prophecy for the end of the world had to be thinking with the news of recent eerie wildlife die-offs in Arkansas. Just as the calendar nudged a year closer to that fateful date, birds began falling from the sky in Arkansas and  a massive fish kill occurred some 125 miles to the west.    -----Part of the clip from Yahoo! news.

    Before believing any conspiracies, please recall that Wal Marts headquarters are also based in this state.  I have my own theories about Wal Mart and it's evil ways-Always.  Partly based on my eight years of working for the great box store.  Check out my page on Facebook for a good laugh or none----

New Wally World symbol-Guides the Devil to easy shopping -or just Purdy?

  Now Arkansas is also reporting earthquakes.   Floods, falling birds, drowning fish, bed bug infestations, O my!  Build your underground bunkers, stockpile goodies-so you don't have to go outside.  And above all dust off your bibles. 

   If the freak I talked to on the bus--sorry, sane lacking individual---is correct we should all be very worried.   I know he was serious when he talked to me, because he took his protective aluminum foil off his head as he talked to me.  I somehow forgot to take notes while he rambled, but the cliff notes = we are all going to die, and were not going to like it.   But we will be dead, so whatever.   O, and the government is behind it all!  Dam Obahma!

    After watching the movie 2012 I greatly wished I hadn't watched it on my laptop with it's 3 inch screen.  Than I researched the Mayan calender.   Interesting stuff.   Do I buy into any of these threats you ask?    Ask me, dam it!   As of yet no.   I do believe that the headquarters of Wal Mart is an evil place, and they have the power to change things.  Like bird flight patterns and world immigration ---as they bring in more slave labores to build shoes for you.  Scientifically designed to fall apart in two months.  They are a world power that could easily change the lives of anyone in any state.   Tick them off and they stop delivering Twinkies to your entire state.   Perish the thought.   I will spare my thoughts on large people---sorry biguns at the moment.   Since it has nothing to do with this topic.   Although I often lye awake at night wondering---if half of America population lost a considerable amount of weight, would it throw our gravitational pull off considerably?

    I kind of hope this rambling starts you worrying.  Because I am overly bored and can not reach the TV remote.  Put down that Twinkie and start building a fall out bunker in your back yard.  I think back to the Y2K fun.  I still worked at Wal Mart and people were buying thousands of dollars worth of emergency items.  From generators to pig food.   My parents even jumped in on the panic band wagon.  And they are usually very level headed, calm people.  They told me the banks might all fail.  I was kind of hoping for that.  I had about 5 cents in the bank, and hoped the computers would tweak and tell me I now had a bank account of 5 million or something equally great.    More likely, you are scamming this drivel  channel surfing. 
  Check it out  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdxaxJNs15s
Now you have no questions about global warming and that killing us all right?

**Mini Rant 01--Bad Company & Fail.com see if you made the list

  I am going to start a new section to the blogs called "mini rants"    I slowly have incorporated them into Facebook when I am overly disgruntled.  I hope to add a new one on here every Friday and at some point would like to do them in movie form, so you can hear my anger.   If you as the reader, have anything that really annoys you---- add it to my comments section    and it might become my next rant.  
    This one I think everyone that has moved out of their parents home can identify with.  Bad company.   You know the person that comes to visit and never wants to leave.  They just kind of linger in your home.  Using resources and not giving back to the house hold.   They usually can be identified by a  lack of income, walls, and a job.  You let them stay at your house for a night or too and suddenly they work out a deal with you to become a new roommate of sorts.  It usually seems to end very badly for everyone involved.   Maybe the people have their own place to stay, but randomly stay at your house  because it is nicer or they can mooch off you.  Plenty of people really are in need, and it is great to help them out.  But to the many more that just want to leach off others and than try and bite the hand that feeds them are truly at the fail.com point of my sliding scale. 
    Most people have dealt with this at some point or another.  If you have not, maybe you are the weakest leach.  Maybe they think all of your cigarettes are every ones.  Or the huge change jar is for everyone. Or they just stop cleaning or moving from in front of the TV.   Little things that can easily turn big. 
    This topic line brings me to my worse roomies of all time.  I do not like people so roommates helps pay the rent but isn't enjoyable.  The only people I would, am, living with again are my fiance and her three kids.   But that kind of goes with the whole getting married concept.  I have had some great roommates, but they seem to be far and few in between.  Plus the good people make for a boring blog.  My first pad was at 18 when I first moved out of my parents house.  I made the mistake of moving in with my best friend and his woman.  So I instantly started as the third wheel.  His mom would call all of the time, and than get mad at me if I did not know were her son was.  With caller id,  I forgot to answer when she called.  This saved me from talking to her, but just made her call more.   This came to be a short stay, that ended badly.  I recall moving all of my belongings out in thirty minutes while my roommies were shopping.   We are friends again now, but the patch up took awhile. 
    Years later in Washington my girlfriend let a friend of hers stay at her apartment.  Within a week she had invited her boyfriend to stay with her without asking.  Things quickly got worse and even without being polite the happy couple did not want to leave.  I recall a long drunken night while they were at work.   Throwing their bathroom supplies off the back third level porch for distance.  They soon after, caught the hint, and after collecting all of their supplies decided it might be time to move. 
    In Arizona we moved a lot.  We moved in with a nice lady from work.  We soon found out that she was a hoarder of crap, and spent all of the rent money on buying things.  We found this out by finding an eviction notice on the door.   
   In Arizona, we had just gotten out of a very bad rental situation with a bi-polar slum landlord.   And had settled in a nice trailer across town.   Being very short on cash and trying to be helpful we let an older man and his three sons crash in one of the rooms.   They were living in between their van and the Mission.   The oldest son had a job, and at least two of the others collected money off the state.  They soon tried to take over the entire house and started spending all of their money on toys and snacks.   Their snacks were hidden in the room, but they had no trouble eating all of our food.   One fine night, it was determined that they were not paying rent since they had done that last month.   I tried to explain that it was a re occurring bill.   Something that re-set every month.   The concept was to hard for them.  And I soon had the old man in my face screaming at me.  My "mother in law" ran into the room got between us and told the man that "If he didn't back down, one of us was leaving in an ambulance, and it wasn't going to be her or myself!"  I do believe it was the last time she had my back.   She is no small individual and the company all decided their van was safer.  
    Soon after we had an individual come over to shower.   She got herself kicked off the carnival, and the shower turned into us having a new roommate.   She was awesome at first, helping out with cooking and dishes and such.  But soon found it easier to lay on the couch all day.  I am very good at annoying people, and she eventually found it better to scam a bus ticket than put up with me.
   In Washington state again, I found myself on some hard times.  Eventually I ended up living in the Mission for awhile, but made a lot of mini attempts to find a place to stay.  All ended up bad.  At one point I was staying in a townhouse in the huge village of Blaine, WA.   I had my belongings in several different locations as free storage, but a lot of my items were in the place.   Her son was spoiled and a brat from the start.  He came into my room constantly and was allowed to do what he wished.  Things on all aspects started to go down hill quickly.  One day while I was out job hunting, I came home to find I was locked out of the house.   The owner locked all of my stuff up, and sayed that I had brought fleas into the house.  Basically she was blaming her bad housekeeping on me.  Because last time I checked--and I checked a lot--people don't carry fleas.   She kept my stuff *basically stealing from a homeless person, nice right?   And I again moved on. 
    Two moves after that I ended up in some very nice apartments in Bellingham.   The total concept was very strange.  But I was desperate for a roof over my head, and started handing out rent money.  The person who was the main signer on the lease, moved out when I moved in.   She was a crack ho at best.   For some reason, she kept the last house key and they didn't have a spare one for me.  On month two, I had some issues getting rent money, and it took all day, but I got it.  The crack ho, got overly antsy, proalby because she was low on drugs, and threw away all of my pictures.  Most I can not replace.   Near the end of the month, I still had no key and was wondering why the other roommates were not asking for my share of the rent.   While they were all at work, I started snooping.   And learned that they were all planing on moving out on Monday.  I learned this on Friday afternoon.  The apartment managers were doing a final walk through of the apartment on Monday.  I was not on the lease, so they would have wondered who the goobley - gook I was!  I did some huge scamming, and was out of the apartment Saturday morning.   With some added non money "bonuses" for the real residents.  All I can say on the topic right now, is that they deffinatly did  not get their deposits back.  My mother reads this blog--so if you would like to hear what happened to the apartment --comment me. 
    This first "mini rant" turned out realitivly calm for me.  Not much ranting or foul language from myself.  To make up for that--I am going to include my Sh*t list for people in the last four years.  Kind of a major fail.com ranking.   It is surprisingly short.  But if your on it  I hold a huge grudge, and am daily fighting back revenge.   Fighting back, means I won't do it.    In no particular order-----

                 Angela-----Above mentioned *decided I brought fleas into her home*

                   Trio----Above mentioned  *Concept of paying rent monthly =foreign*

      Wal*Mart---Worked their 8 years-----Cheap disposable crap for a disposable nation*

     Slum--Bi/polar landlord in AZ----Rented us a house that should be condemned.  Her advances are still causing me problems.  Because to the state of AZ-I am threatening and intimidating.**

    Crack-Ho----Above mentioned  *Threw out years of my pictures--ripped me off times 20*

              Heather--- Greatly takin' advantage of someone I love in the last few months-To busy with life, for a new baby*

    Rusty B---Past co-worker that didn't work.   Honestly the worse part of my last job*

    Thad Tyson--Past co-worker that decided to rip me off and than leave the state of Wyoming while I was in WA.  Now mad that I don't want to be friends.  *Tear!*

   Oregon Police---Entire state----Once got a ticket for speeding while parked*

    Rob H---Told me restaurant workers are the number one contributor to fat people being fat---I don't recall force feeding anyone.**

           My old cell phone----Costs a fortune each month--to not make calls**

  DURP= Dimwitted Urban Redneck Parole---not my friend on Facebook, but would check out my status, and than get pissed about them.   Wanted to beat me up at work.**------ AND DURP II--- Jumped my now fiance while we were partially separated.

                                          ** BP----Nuff said!!**        




Crappy town/Awesome slogan!

                 **Aberdeen, Washington/Kingman, Arizona--Gotta visit to understand**


 

Happy New Years!

                                        

                                            **Party like a rock star!**
                                          **Lets Party like it's 1999!**
                         **"No thanks.  I don't need a party to celebrate New Year's.  All I need is a bottle of bourbon and a t-shirt that hangs down passed my balls!"---Sh*t my dad says website
**"Drinkin' is bad mmmm kay!?"---South Park

   I hope everyone had a happy and extra safe night last night.   I have been on the wrong side of the law a few nights of partying and it is not as fun as it may sound.  Some how most things sound like a much better idea when you are very drunk.  I will explain some examples after the judge releases my court dates.   I also know that it is the worse when you decide not to drink and than have a splitting headache the next day.  One of those pains that gets worse -only if you move and feels like only could be relieved by puking.   This is lose lose, because you have all the pain, without any of the drinking.
    I had a very mellow new years this year.   And was actually out of bed and going by 9 this morning!  Yes 9 a.m.  And enjoyed the mellowness.    I have had a year or so were I left work, went to party and showered for hours the following morningish to wake up, loose the partying smells, and or sober up.   Of course some of my past jobs did not require much brain activity.   When I worked at Wally World I believe my drunker daze, put me at the same brain waves as many of my managers.  And I don't think anyone ever noticed.  Although the more items you dropped on the floor, and actually picked up, the more blood went to your brain.  Equals bad. 
    I am in no way recommending drinking or not drinking.  My soap box is broken because I fell through it.  I may have drank like a fish in my youth.  And now believe that when several of my remaining brain cells randomly bump into each other, I smile the widest!   Or I just farted.   My current girl friend has three kids and they do not understand the concept of sleeping in  yet.  This influences one to drink very rarely.   Something about being woke up at 7 am to kids jumping on the bed, yelling, makes you want to wake up sober.   Plus I am over 30 years old now.   Whats that mean?   I am still not sure.  But I can't party like I used to be able to for sure. 
    The most memorable new years in a long time took place in Portland, OR.  In about 2000.   Their was huge rioting because the city didn't do fireworks that year.   We got pepper sprayed twice by riot police, just trying to get into bars.   We saw a police car get tipped over, several punks try to beat up bar security and no fireworks.   Around midnight we found a safe, packed bar away from the rioting.   No one could agree on when it was midnight and another huge fight about started inside the bar.   Luckily it was decided that each group of drinkers would use their own watches to start a very loud very long countdown to midnight and heavy drinking.   I believe the bar had 15 count downs to the new year that night.  And I am pretty sure I was part of the celebration with each of the 15!
    As I mentioned this year was very mellow.   We watched the celebration in Seattle, WA on our TV were it was comfy and warm.   20,000 people view the fireworks and festivals first hand and mainly seem to be freezing their buns off, but very happy about it.  I didn't have any drinks stronger than Pepsi, and two hours later was snoring in bed.   Boring but nice.  


  

I am going to start a new section to the blogs called "mini rants"    I slowly have incorporated them into Facebook when I am overly disgruntled.  I hope to add a new one on here every Friday and at some point would like to do them in movie form, so you can hear my anger.   If you as the reader, have anything that really annoys you---- add it to my comments section    and it might become my next rant.      Peace out, Yo!

You Can Bet Your Teepe on It!

    So a few nights back we joined other family members, and went to one of the many local casinos.   I really don't like to gamble very long, usually because I end up donating all the money back into more flashy lights for the casino's restrooms or something equally gaudy.   But it was cheap food, happy hour at the bar, and the kids were being watched by Nana, so I was already gambling on a great time.  Cheap food consists of a $2 buffet.  So it is often a small battle on if one should actually consume the food.  Sometimes you just have to catch your food with an extra sharp fork and enjoy.  I usually go with the thought wave that if you drink enough whisky, it's a cure all, and will kill all the bad food toxins.   This time the concept didn't work on many levels, and our stomachs became the victims!   I actually walked away from the casino with a profit.   Something very very rare for me. 
    This is a relatively new casino, so it is great fun to see all the huge billboards still up against the casino.   Especially since it is now open, and the only traffic on that road is gamblers and farmers.  Farmers should be excellent casino patrons, because their life is a constant gamble.   Since it is on the Indian reservation you can get cheap beverages and smokes in the gift shop.  And probably any kind of firework you can imagine if you talk to the person behind the counter. 
    In Vegas their is definitely more to do than gamble.  But some of those big games really are fun and a little addicting.  I am pretty sure I alone, funded the west wing of a casino on one trip.  And feel I should get an ashtray with my name on it or something.  The casinos are huge, and very easy to get lost in.  One trip my friend and I were very tipsy, and I have no clue how we got from the lobby to floor 623, were our room was.  Their is defiantly more to do in Vegas than just gamble  though.   I find it best to hit the strip at night time.   More activities are going on, of all kinds and you can somewhat escape the 120 degree temperatures.   *Note :  it is warmer than that in the direct sunshine.  The average in the winter is 120 in the shade!
    Oregon state also has some very fun casinos.  At least in my eyes.  Especially the ones along the coast.   I really enjoy the one in Lincoln City.   Although I have no idea what the name of it is now.   Something native sounding like U-hawk-a-loogi .  That way you can gamble your money, and go right out the back doors, and be on the beach.   If you loose to much money, you can cover yourself in raw meat and go swimming in hopes of meeting a rabid shark.   For added fun visit one of the many breweries along the coast line.   Oregon has a ton of breweries, and most of them are great to awesome.   They are all freakin awesome after you visit about the fourth brewery!   
     Casinos also seem to have overly spiffy restrooms.  My former hike buddy and long term friend-ranks bathrooms.  He is very picky about what a places restroom looks like.  And will spend ten minutes in the middle of Mc D's explaining how Mc sticky everything was in the bathroom.  But will still pee in the middle of the woods with the best of them.    Only slightly complaining about pee coming down hill towards his shoes!  I have yet to hear him complain about a casino restroom in all of our travels.   I believe he should write a book through his constant travels about restrooms.  Complete with pictures and ratings.  And maybe a wall of shame for the worst kept bathrooms around.   Were you walk in and decide you can hold your number 2 for another 88 miles!  Were it looks like something came out of both ends of the last dozen visitors to the toilet.  My only input on this topic is that I enjoy handicapped stalls, because they are very roomy.   And I like those full length urinals that hit the ground, because it is like peeing on the floor!
    When finished at the before mentioned food area, I grabbed a fortune cookie.  They usually taste like saw dust, but are fun.  Anyways, my fortune was great.   Although I got it on the 28th of the month.    It was    "You will have much to give thanks for this month"   This has been a very good month in many many ways.   For the last year I have had a ton to be thankful for.   I hope you can say the same, and it follows you into the new year.   Which is amazingly close some how!   Enjoy  because according to the movies, the Aztecs, and Al Gore   we are all dying in 2012!
    Later today I am going to start a new section to the blogs called "mini rants"    I slowly have incorporated them into Facebook when I am overly disgruntled.  I hope to add a new one on here every Friday and at some point would like to do them in movie form, so you can hear my anger.   If you as the reader, have anything that really annoys you---- add it to my comments section    and it might become my next rant.      Peace out, Yo!