Panhandeling for Beer?

Stop putting coins in my drink!

  

 G' Day!  I am having trouble writing this and the next post I have in mind.   Because for me, I am trying to step way out of my comfort realm or box and eat Taco Bell.  Wait wrong plug, step out of my box *that's extra funny right now because I basically live in a box, it's so small*  by writing a couple of posts that are fair to every ones opinions, and maybe stop and make you think just a lil.  As always, thank you for visiting this sight and PLEASE leave a comment or three.   Your input helps me make things better.   Plus I am opening a new blog next year, and hope to make it extra awesome.  My next posting is going to be about "Mr Happy" not being happy.  I have seen the man be an OK citizen, so am not writing to make fun of him.  But asking if with all our modern conveniences is anyone ever happy anymore?
    Today's whole thought process started earlier in the week.  I was trying to cross the street in Sheridan.  OK the town has more than one street.  I was crossing Coffeen at the very long wait by Wal Greens, Albertsons and such.  Across from me was a gal about my age, holding a sign, asking for cash.  Most of the time I do not think younger people receive many hand outs.  Because passers figure they could find a job in no time.  But being this close to Christmas people were pausing or stopping left and right to give her hand outs.  
    At the time holiday shopping was on my mind, and I am way behind.   I did not stop to ask the gals story.  It might not even have been a true story.   But now, I wish I had.   Like at many jobs, I have experienced many spectrums and sides of lifes events.  Being a dish washer at a restaurant helps you appreciate all they really do, and next time you are a server, you become much nicer to the lowly dish washer.   I have been stranded in towns many a time, and had to solely rely on others to get back home.  One long night stuck in Tacoma, WA sticks in my mind.  Our mini van zonked out on the side of the interstate.  The highway patrol bumped us down an off-ramp and we spent the night in the van, under many blankets.  The next morning, at breakfast a couple over heard our blight and basically gave up the rest of their day to help us out.  It was soon found out our van was a huge paper weight and would not be running again.   The couple drove the five of us two hours out of their way to bring us back home!   And than would not take a dime for gas money.   Good people are out there, they are just few and far in between!

    Few people know it, but I panhandled one weekend.  Although I spent a long time trying to look the part--by not shaving and such, the actual actions, were onna the lowest points in my life so far.  I was living in a different non-running van in a Wal-Mart parking lot.  The van/home was about to be towed away.  I had made some big errors all around, and had no access to my cash until the weekend was over.  I have to say the cash was great--but it is something I would never want to do again.  I am positive some people do this from town to town, endlessly wandering and mooching.   Making more than more a month than you or I do with a real job.  But most really are  down on their luck.  And really do not want to be begging for your pocket change.   With the economy still on a huge down turn, this issues will probably get worse before it gets better.  I hope you and yours never find yourself holding a sign on 5th and Main.  But stop and think next time you see that pan handler out their.   Are you really more than a missed paycheck or two from personal financial ruin?  


Bet he made bank!



      

    Some people really are panhandling cause they enjoy the cash for doing nothing.   And you may not really be able to tell if they are hard up or good at throwing B.S.  Sometimes you can tell just by the sign they are holding.   Or by how fat the dog is with them.  Most of the time you just have to be the judge and juror.    
    Have  a Merry Christmas everyone!!

Groovy Places Vs Fail.com--Don't Google These

   

 Soon I am going to post about Sheridan, Wyoming's best and worse places in my point of view.  Today a quickie about some really great places I have seen in my travels.  And than five of the places I would advise others to avoid like the ghetto of the North Pole.  Were Santa's laid off elves sell crack and seldom used body parts.  

    Lets start the list off groovy places off with Sheridan, Wyoming.  The state really is God's country.  But I would strongly advice coming in the summer.  It really is a tourist town and kind of dies out and freezes  over in the winter.   Sheridan has one of the coolest down towns I have seen in a long time!   Plus it is close to Billings, Cody, and Bozeman!

    Apache Junction, AZ is just a fun place to visit.  It's in the valley but not unbelievably hot.   Plus the surrounding hills are supposed to be filled with buried gold.   Lake Havasue is very nice and touristy.  I have never been around during the spring flings and seem to think that would be a bad time to visit. 
    Seattle, WA is very high on the list.  And not just because the very first Star Bucks was opened here.  You can easily spend a weekend enjoying the sights without spending much money at all.  Plus many of the koolest sights are within walking distance of each other. 

    Viva Las Vegas is great for the occasional visit.   I do not enjoy gambling, but enjoy the city that never sleeps.    Although last time we were in the city, we had all three kids.  Not the best city for kids, even if it is advertised a family vacation mecca.   Now that the city is further away from me, I kind of miss it.   Lincoln City, OR is also awsome.  You can gamble a little bit than walk out the door and be on the beach.
    Number 2 on my favorites list is Bellingham, WA.   I will soon be a resident of the area again--time number three.   It has some of everything.  Bays, hikes, mountains, quality coffee, and Canada is right down the road, Aye!  

    Wich some how brings us to my favorite spot so far   Flagstaff, AZ.   The town just seems to be very homey.  Just driving up the mountain you get that great smell of pine trees filling your lungs, the higher you climb.   Route 66 goes through here.  And it is very close to great destinations, without being in the valley.

    I have been working on looking at the positive of everything, so will keep the Fail part of the list short.   Sheridan doesn't hit fail, but is close in the winter time.   This is something I really can not explain in words.   You just have to live it to realize it.  
    Phoenix, AZ is on the list.   The entire time we lived in Arizona, we did whatever possible to not visit the town.   Although it has some great things to offer, like the zoo.

   And a tie for my least two most un'favorite towns...... *Drum role please.    

Kingman, AZ--- When we first moved into the area we got a great bi-polar slum landlord.   Things seemed to go down hill from that point.  And I soon lovingly referred to the town as the Devils Crotch.   My sister would not visit me there for anything, because of what friends told her about the town.     And although I have meet some great people in the town---- Aberdeen, WA     I accomplished a first while living in the area by getting 86'd from a local bank and the cops called on me for trying to cash a payroll check.   It also houses the first mall I have ever seen that is going under.  Both business wise, and that it is actually sinking into the swamp it is built on.   You know that contractor is in Mexico   laughing his as* off!   I do have to say, the town has onna the best slogans around though!   See above picture.
      Any to add to either list?       Comment away.

Cell Phones Great Toys or Cancer Sticks?

     ** Hidden roaming charges—cheese and crackers!- Sprint has f*cking people down to a science-like they practice in a lab with mice first!  **----Sh*t my dad says website

  **No one gives a sh*t about all the things your cell phone does  you didn’t event it   you just bought it, anybody can do that!  **--"Sh*t my dad says" website

  **Verizon--- has the  fewest dropped calls----- cause none of your calls go through. The company can't drop your calls if non are ever made. Thanks for playing!** --April Adams

 **The phones makin' funny noises again!"**---Coco Rockstar

    Don't get me wrong, cell phones are great.  I now use mine way more than any one should.  Not really to make calls.  Who does that?   In fact they have gotten me out of plenty of sticky situations.  Note: Talking on one to ignore those around you works, until your phone starts ringing!  But plenty of times  they are more than annoying.  I agree with my brother in wandering how people wake up with there Bluetooth in there ear.  I for one, don't want to be even close to that connected to anyone.  Plus it's always nice to see an actual cell phone, so that you don't think the person is standing around talking to themselves.   I really enjoy a quick text or two compared to a long drawn out phone call.   I also enjoy the vibrate mode of my phone.   Not as much the phone answering part, just the vibration.   It makes me want to put it on vibrate and give my number out to everyone.   Keep calling till someone answers!  But it leads to getting that feeling when your phone is not really ringing.   For a long month, I carried two cell phones around with me--don't ask.   Because I was usually at work, not specifically working, the phones were on vibrate.   The following month I was feed up with phones of any kind, and carried none.  But constantly felt the vibrations feelings.   This was extra strange having no phones on me.   And caused me to try and answer my pocket lent many a time.  

    I think the time that phones annoyed me most was this summer.  I went to the local rodeo street dances for the first time in many years.   And it was a great time.  More people attended than live in this town.   But the later it got,and the more you looked around, the more you noticed that everyone was drunk and on their cell phones trying to desperately find friends.   To quote, everyone    "Really????

    The plot behind Steven King's Cell  is looking better and better to me every day.   *Yes I occasionally read books without pictures*   Cliff notes to save your eyes: (No spoiler alert) Somehow by using cell phones and the ever multiplying towers THEY transmit worldwide.   Causing everyone on a cell phone to go crazy and or kill themselves.   The same waves cause the afflicted to try and capture and kill the small part of the population not affected.   It is a very small part of the population mostly consisting of the elderly and the very young.   Of course a good time is had by all!   And pages later something happens     The end.

     

  Now with cell phones you can talk to anyone, anywhere.  And I mean anywhere, except for those few dead zones exactly a hundred miles short of were you ran out of gas on the ledge of a mere fifty foot drop surrounded by angry homeless nuns.  Awhile back a local resident was pulled over while driving and on two cell phones.  He simply told the officer they both raing, what was I supposed to do?  At least he wasn’t also texting with his toes.  And why would he need worry about the road?  All the other cell phone driver are busy zooming through the ditches and sidewalks anyway. 

    Most of the phone company's now give you “hands free devices for your phone, but whats the fun in that?  I guess this frees an extra hand for shaving and or eating and talking while you are driving.  I at least slow down to 70 mph and turn down my stereo while driving and talking.  Plus with the hands free devices all those micro waves from your phone don’t bounce off your head.  They just hit other parts of you.  Listening to the officials talk, you could hold a phone to one ear and a raw potato to the other and have baked potato for dinner after your call.  “Please hold, my baked potatoes done.” 

    So are they safe?  Who cares I have a phone call to make!  By the time they decide they are completely safe, except for those few odd balls that died with three glowing ears, the paper your reading this on will be found to house 96 formally unknown toxins.  Bad toxins, not the good moisturizing kind.  Or the potato your phone was cooking will be as harmful for you as eggs are this week. 

     But now it is possible to explain an entire movie plot line to the person beside you and the equally dim witted someone on the other end of your phone!   Or disrupt an entire dinning room or church service!  They are helpful while passing beggars or people you don’t want to talk to.  I can’t see you , im on the phone.   Not as effective, if your phone starts to ring, while you are holding it up to your ear busily making a huge business deal.

    Whats fun is cell phone answering machines.  A true user never leaves his phone anywhere, unless he on the other line.  As soon as you get a pone everyone and their dog calls your cell.  I used to wait days for a call on my land based phone.  But in turn  I waited till I knew my buddy was on his cell phone.  Because it was great fun to hear him toak and try to drive. 

    So how do these wonderful devices work?  You pick up and dial!  But behind the scenes all those little dieoters and bieotes move rabidly, combine, and transmit of the flatness of your head.  One of the satellites, that does not spy on you while your showering,or tracks your movements on Google,  emits it to someone Else's phone and your voice bounces off their eardrum.  Too scientific for you?   You pick up and dial!

   

11/13/2010 Family

                         **  I don’t need more friends, you have friends and all they do is ask you to help them to move  cause you have a truck  I have moved enough**  ---"Sh*t my dad says sight

     As I am quickly nearing D Day to my next big move I am reminded of a lot of things.  First, that I hate packing.  I have plenty of experience packing up and moving.  *Never again will I tell anyone -I am a professional packer.....   *    And have done every move from cross country to middle of the night move outs using flash lights and garbage bags to hold my belongings.  The best part about moving so much is that it is hard to build up many belongings and packing is more streamlined.   The worse part would probably be re- paying for large essentials.   I think I have bought 4 washer and dryers now.  Please note, all of this experience does not help me move others---unless lots of beer and pizza is also provided!

Worse move picture ever!?

    My great family has many very interesting variables.  Non of wich include a family tree that goes straight up like some of my friends.   O.K. they are not really my friends, but they make an appearance in the movie Deliverance.  If you have never seen this flick, consider yourself very lucky.  Some scenes tend to get stuck in your head, like the G6 song.  If this paragraph intrigues you even more and you and your buddy's all get drunk and watch the Deliverance movie.  Two things,  I warned you!  And don't descibe the nights events as having a deliverance party!
    I moved to Wyoming just over a year ago with a huge grudge on my shoulders.  The summers are great here, but the winters are in a word, nasty.  And I hit the state just before Turkey day.   I soon landed an awesome job, and had a great summer.  Mainly because of making some  great friends, growing with old friends, booze, and family.   This past summer was one big/great family reunion.   We are a close family, and I love my parents and beyond to know end, but we are all nomads at heart and seem to be circling the globe in different patterns.  Now that I have been here so long, I am finding it hard to pack.   Not physically but emotionally.  I know that you will all stay in my hearts, but not as near.  Great things are waiting for me, but great things are here too. 



Mom, myself, and my brothers



Uncle Al?




Dad, my bro's, and there woman

     I am the baby of the family, so my parents and I have always been close.  After this trip  I feel we are even closer.  My brothers and I were in the same place this summer for the first time in 28 years!   I got to see some relatives further down the family tree, that I probably haven't seen for twelve years.  They are all growned up with families of their own.  I think that was the hardest part of this move back home.   All of my school friends have a family of their own and lives of thier own.   And at least for my time here, I really had no life.  Sure we would see each other in passing at Wal Mart  but for the most part, I see most of my friends only on Facebook. 
    I saw two of my sisters this year also.   It has been quite a gap since I have seen either.  And it was great seeing them.  *Writers note:  Although I use pictures in my blogs, I try to not use names until the people in question tell me it is ok.  If you are onna those people, let me know.  And yes, sometimes it is simply because I do not know the persons real name.    The last sister spotting, was for Turkey day.  And I hate to admit I spent most of the time, trying to get into her notebooks.  She continually writes down "quotable quotes" in special notebooks that her friends and or drunk people say.  And I believe that it is an awesome idea.   If nothing else she could publish many of the best thoughts, and allllll of her friends would purchase the "book" to see if they were in it.   We also all tried to help her document what people do for fun in Sheridan.  I have to admit no one would like to see our answers.  Sheridan really is God's country, but it's also extremely mind numbingly boring!   Just recall that "sheep are safe!"  * Don't ask.



Sheep are safe!??




My sister and I




Mom and Dad!

     I also consider most of my co-workers as family.   This is the first job, I have loved in a long time!   And I spend much more time at work than anywhere else right now.  It is actually fun, for the most part and work helps take my mind off living in a "box" and other things.   I thank you all for an AWESOME year at work!!  I will never forget this job because of it's workers and will try very hard to spend a few months this summer at good ol Jb's!


A future Adams?

    A special thanks also goes out to the few friends of mine that have stuck with me through the years.  I have been in some really tight spots through the years, and a few of you were always around for me.  To you, and you all know who you is,  Thank you times twelve!


"Proffesor Getty"



My family



Random Rambling

  I pretty much lived at work this weeksend.   So have been slacking on posting.  Real post coming this afternoon, while I visit some coffee joint!  Thank you to any readers out there in cyber land, that got lost trying to look up porn!  Please leave comments. 

No Name

"Fancy"

   Pets:   Pets--I was going to stop going to work for awhile, because people could sense we had children or something They would leave unwanted pets just down the block sure that our kids would spot them out. Every time I came home we had another pet or 3. I wanted to at least start a petting zoo in the back yard to pay for some of the food. My gf is very very good at finding animals a new home though. Here are some ideas that didn't work as spiffy! Just drop them off in random yards. Most people here have 5 dogs anyway, it might take awhile for them to notice a sixth. Added fun -chain them in the new occupants yard. What are they gonna tell animal control, this random pet just showed up, and it has it's own chain, and is chained to my front door! Also score extra points, if the new owner can't get out their front door because of the tied up pet. Around valentines day add a note to a large bag of dog food with the new dog. Like it came from a secret admirer. Or to be a bit on the morbid side, say something like "Roses are red, tuck yourself tight in bed. Hope our love is true--either way I am watching you!"

"Timmy!"

   Play grounds---- No one leaves their kids alone anymore. Theirs like a wall of parents circling the playground equipment you have to break through to get your kids to play. Tire out all other kids by playing tag. And mostly myself. Other parents love it of course. Last time I was resting, those ten year olds are fast. And half the kids on the playground come up trying to get me back into the fierce tag game. I kept saying no, till this little fart, about 8 said "come on Mr. well take it easy on you. " Than it was on! Me wheezing after them especially that rat load. 8 year olds are fast in case you have not gotten the memo.

     Riding city trans *bus* Crazy people beacon like a neon light above me? They make me feel o so much better about my own life. What? you lost your dog, cow, first born and mother in a rare spegit eating accident. Replay that country song backwards and you will get them all back. Urge wear helmet with side view mirror on side and act crazy IE retarded. You have so much more leeway. NO one will slap a retard. May I sit in this chair, proceed to sit on attractive lady shaking head no. Face her and start to droll. Hit on anyone, woman, bikers, the driver. They wont say a word. Randomly just fall down while walking.

Best name badge ever!

Puking --- Taking dump, feels like needs to puke, traumatizing. Either one you cater to, will make huge mess. Ok if not own bathroom i.e. motel?

  Pumping own gas--- 2 states illegal to pump your own gas. Cause u are not trained, and could dump tons of gas on the ground, ruining the concrete filled environment. It does rock in OR cause that keeps you from getting out in the rain that only happens all day, every day. Wait, no it doesn't because they will not let you pay the attendants, you still have to get out of your car and enter the store.

   Trip home, so used to someone pumping gas kept waiting and waiting while father was holding back his grins. I was bitching about the crappy service when suddenly recalled I was not in OR anymore and bailed out of the car, just as my dad started to lose it. First moved to OR, there are no sings about it being highly illegal to pump your own gas. I had just figured every store gave awesome service. One on the coast, I had waited forever to get gas, and no one showed up so I jumped out and started pumping. I had 2 legs and alll last I checked. From out of no were, this hick came running at me, yelling put down the pump!! I threw that sob on the ground, spilling gas every were.

    My cooking----Mmm Mmm, bad! I seem to burn the shit out of everything, and than call it Cajun! My gf sees me heading to the kitchen and runs in front of me. "it's ok, it would be better if you went back to watching TV." Can do the basics like omelets, and cereal. Most just tastes like straw! Which brings us to whom determines what will save your life? Aloe Vera is great on skin, but who was out their squeezing all those plants to figure that? Did he squeeze the shit out of some poison ivy first _this is no Charmin! Or what great fool discovered weed was great to roll and smoke? What trees, plants, and frogs was he in the middle of the forest licking to determine this? Hopefully he did not live in the desert, were everything in the outdoors is sharp. And angry! Did he smell the plants before licking them? I tend to smell everything. Bad when worked in household chemicals. Many of those can make all your nose hairs curly. And I have a lot. *sniff the new plant, than lightly lick it tongue darting out 3 times. Than break off a lil for your dog to try. If he does not flop over or run off in a drug induced tail wagging orgy. Shove plant in your mouth

    Are you in line? -- hate that question. No real need for that question ever. If you are at Mc F*cks with four lines starting at the door and meeting at the registers, holding the door open with your head. Someone will ask are you in line? there are many answers to this. Few polite. At least some people do ask. Others just ease their way slowly side steeping till they are fully in front of you. Do they assume that all the seats are uncomfortable and you are standing to prevent hurting your delicate ass? "excuse me side steeping line cuter, would you prefer to see my fist in 3-d, or move to your position in line, over by the parking lot entrance sign.

    Thanks for playing! This phrase applies to so many situations and annoys people 98.8 percent of the time. Lets try. Your comedy routine sucked Mr. Adams, thanks for playing! I apologize you did not like the show tonight, and that you want your and everyone else's money back just for having to sit through it, but Absolutely no refunds *Thanks for playing! I understand that I was clocked at 88 in a school zone driving backwards, but my car does better under those conditions, thanks for playing~! Ok that one might lead to you playing in a jail cell. This is Bubba, he will break you in Thanks for playing!!

    Pregnancy tests------ "now easier" Was the peeing on a stick to complicated before. Woman would throw out the test and watch their wet hand waiting for it to turn blue or pink? If couples were having trouble with the old, complicated test, maybe they should not be having kids. Now they spell out if you are pregnant or not. Wow. Is their one for men to that spells it out. Maybe on the reverse side of the stick. Instead of saying Pregnant, or no baby for you! It says Buy her a ring, or run like hell! My gf was recently accused of not being a part of her last pregnancy with her x. How does that work? Did the dude grab a turkey baster one night while she was sleeping. I realize she sleeps soundly but damn. I don't think the warning labels on those say anything about not using to impregnate your spouse. If it does, I'm sure it says wash thourhly after each use. Now each X'mas, I have this urge to put a turkey baster in her stocking. ! We are both vertically challenged. To be P.C. I hate that crap. Your not a midget, you're an looked over OZ character. Just say what your thinking. If you say the wrong thing, learn how to run real fast, cracker boy.

11/09/2010 Or Were Did Nov. Go.com??

  




Bellingham, WA





It isn't X'mas till Santa is drunk!


       First off  I would like to add that I enjoy saying .com at the end of sentences and or statements.com!   Mainly because it is annoying and fun.  Try it now.com!   My weekend boss *Marshmallow-- (possibly not his real name) can't stand the addition.  Probably another reason I do it soo much.  I also enjoy .com because I firmly believe that whatever you type into a search engine will bring up 69 pages of porn links and two that might add in your research.   When you ran across this sight you were more than likely looking up  something like   Funwithashovel.com or how to bury my bosses wife.    Whatever brought you here---welcome and or I am sorry.
    Now on to the actual topic of today's blog.    Wich makes us stop and ponder if I really ever have a topic at all?   .....As I sit here in a local coffee shop listening to yet another Christmas song I have to stop and ponder what a good pair of ear plugs would cost?   I also, between sips, think about what Christmas really means to me?   Long ago I wrote an essay about the holiday.  It seemed to feature on what most of us do, the physical and things that money or a good pair of running shoes can provide you with.   To really decide what I think I believe I must visit my past.    I would love to hear your input on what the holiday really means to you and yours!!  I realize this sight is new, but as yet to have anyone break the cherry and leave a comment.  I think you are out there in cyberland, I can hear the deep breathing and smell the bananas burning, as you try and think.
    I seem to have been born the baby of the family.  If you really research things I was the first born last born and only child.  Gotta love step siblings.  If you ask any of my siblings, I was spoiled silly.  I would never admit to this.   And prefer  Iwas spoiled?, don't be silly!   We always had lots of family around and were never hurting for gifts to open. 
     Jump ahead 18 zit and gift filled years.   I was living in or around Eugene, Oregon    Hippie capitol of the Northwest.  Somehow I usually had some huge downfall just before Christmas and was overly broke.  Even for a broke person.  I lived miles from all family and worked at Wall Mart were greed can be studied in great detail.   One year during Black Friday, an older lady passed out while in line at the registers, people stepped over her for minutes because she was in the way of the checkouts before anyone paused to decide maybe she wasn't just sleeping.   Enuff said.  With being broke and single, I usually forgot to stock my home refrigerator.   Very few places are open on Christmas.  But several years in a row  truck stops served me and maybe a buddy or two well.   They are always open and offer a lot of food.
    About six years ago I was living in Washington state.  I was mostly single but stopped by my current girl friends house to enjoy some of the festivities with her and her kids.   After complaining about people that bought there items with 22 gift cards, each having change on them.  I received a stack of gift cards from her, each with $5 dollars on them. 

    The next year I was still at Wall Mart.  That purdy gal, her kids, her mom and I all lived in Arizona.   Like several years after that the kids got piles of gifts from Santa, and her and I mostly got I.O.U's.   The next Christmas found us in another small, small town of Arizona   minus the mother in law.   We were both working in the same Wally World of course enjoying the sh*t out of the holiday shoppers!  It was Dec and about 88 degrees outside.  My parents came to visit us.  They had never meet my new family.   A new holiday tradition was started before we all sat together on Christmas Eve.   It was called..... I am not sure what it is  called but it results in us drinking a lot of Margaritas and than playing Santa!   Good times.  The holiday went very well considering.                 

Margerita Bucket O Joy!!

                                                                                          


Queen Creek, AZ



    Two years later we were all living in WA state again.  Bellingham to be exact.  In a half star motel.  Five people in a motel is comfy at least.  Most of our stuff was in storage on the other side of the state.  So we borrowed an Christmas tree and made most of the decorations.  The mother in law flew in for the holdaze.  And I am very sure one day 12 of us had dinner in the motel room.   We moved soon after the new year.  To Blaine wich is were the next Christmas happened.  Were  we continued the Margarita fun on Christmas Eve!  Helping Santa put three bikes together while extra tipsy is great fun.  And I still have the speech ready for if the oldest asked why the front wheel was on top of the handle bars.   ....."That's the new fad you see.....
    The next year was not good for me in a lot of ways.  I ended up back were I grew up, in Sheridan, Wyoming for Christmas.  The purdy lady and I had Margarita night early  like before Turkey day.  Although I am sure she repeated on Christmas eve, I might have too.   The holiday was spent with my parents and family at my brothers.  I hadn't seen many of them in ten years!  That night I talked to loved ones in Washington.



One brother and I Sheridan, WY

           This year I will be celebrating early with my family in Sheridan, Wyoming and than joining my other family in WA.  I will be much warmer and surrounded by loved ones starting a family of my own.  Being around kids during Christmas really is the best!  But I will greatly miss my parents and alll the family here.  Over the last year I have bonded with them deeply.   Something I will never forget and will miss!                                                                                 
    After this recap  I really can't answer my question to myself any better!   A place is what you make of it.  And one can be happy anywhere.   Christmas to me I guess, is all about being around those you love and giving not getting.   The real meaning of and for the holiday is found in the start of the word.  And a little bucket of booze never hurt either!   I hope wherever you and I find ourselves this season, it is safe love filled and great!   And if you say Happy Holidays to me, to save my feelings  I will deck you in the face!  


MERRY CHRISTMAS!!



Deck The Halls! and Other Shopping Joys

                          

    A few days back I posted an editorial I wrote in an attempt to boost any scrooges out thiers spirits!  I am finding it hard to believe how close to Christmas it really is.  This month has been a blur.   Happily 90 percent of my shopping has been done for me.   Every time I talk to this person, I have bought something else for someone.   It's overly awesome actually.  Now I just need to buy this great person an great gift or two.   Over the next few daze my posts will be about the holidaze and such.   I worked eight years in retail, and am now ever thankful that fun is in my past.  Soon after back to school items come off the racks, the first Christmas village items can be seen in the aisles.  And by October it is hard to find a jolly shopper or worker.  One year I jumped on Santa's lap with my work vest on for my holiday Christmas cards.  I am not sure wich of us looked more supprised.   I wish I had that picture to post on here.

      Deck the Halls

    Unless you start Christmas shopping the week after the holidays (when all the real sales start) Christmas shopping can be one of the most painful experiences known to man.  Way worse than moving or getting married.  New studies (I’m guessing done by the government)  *Note  92.6 % of all statistics are made up* show the anxiety levels in humans shopping close to those as solders fighting in war.  The closer the big day gets, the less holiday spirit shoppers seem to have.  So if  everyone knows the key is to start early, why are we all at 7-11 on Christmas Eve buying special x’ms scratch offs, snicker bars, and 40’s of beer, and Twinkies?  Because two days after you finished shopping, twelve peole sent you presents.  Really great, mind blowingly thoughtful presents.  People you didn’t even think about sending a warm or fuzzy card too. 

    The key to buying the perfect gift is to include a gift receipt with each purchase!  Thus allowing them to return their gift for what they really wanted (the cash) and not see the measly amount you spent on them, if they do keep the gift.  Ok, with check out lines hitting the rear of the store, and tempers on edge how can one safely join the mall and retail masses you ask?   Ask dang it!  If you have kids that happen to watch tv one item, one item manufactures made 25,000 to few of, is at the top of their list.  Wearing protective gear is strongly advised, drinking heavily first is also.  Since Christmas displays are now set up around back to school time, shopping should be a snap.  Key word is should be.  But you can’t buy your kids number two pencils and holiday gifts while they are with you.  Besides you are to busy complaing about it being 90 degrees outside and seeing Santa roam  the store.  And building your bank account back up after buying enough school supplies to outfit a well educated third world country army.  Back when you went to school, the school actually supplied supplies and the teachers could spank!   See how easily you are distracted?  Maybe you need the Ritalin, not your child.

    Finding the perfect gift can be tricky, growing more so the later in the year it gets, like after July.  Think, really get into the persons head about what they would love to receive.  Than wake up, you can’t afford that on your salary.  Also think about how close the receiver lives to you.  If they are a neighbor buy something  you want.  Neighborly borrowing strikes again!  Same with relatives in the same house, they might give up on the return lines and just give you the present.   Use your head when buying, if the commission drived sales clerk says, “they’ll love it!”   They won’t.  Buy useful gifts when you can, unless your buying for a wife.  Meaning possibly not your wife.  They enjoy amount spent, useless factor, and color coordination most.  A paper weight/diamond the size of your head is ideal, but don’t go all out. 

    Sometimes the simplest ideas are best.  Once after moving away from home, I mainly received a retail card and lots and lots of cookies.  Because of the distance shipped, it was lots and lots of cookie crumbs, but crumbs are edible too!  Of course for this to work  you need a recipient with the true meaning of Christmas in their heart or a cashless, hungry college student.  The later is far and few between on your gift list.  Ok back to shopping, sometimes having a personal shopper is best.  But for those of us without that luxury there is always wives and or girlfriends.  If they do not have the perfect gift stored away some were, they can find it.  Besides they are getting that paperweight.   There is always the concept of “recycling” gifts.  Re-wrap what you got over the last few years.  Just make sure to take detailed notes of whom sent you what as to not send the same item to a now former friend.  Now for my extra cheap readers, some tips.  Buy assorted glass pieces, wrap.  Be sure to note in the attached card, how much you hope they enjoy the crystal vase/ashtray for years to come!  “Borrow” tree decorations from holiday displays around town.   Just send a card, Fed X.  With lots of tape stuck to it.  Tell them to enjoy the package under the measly card.  If you live out of state from those receiving.   Shop after the holiday than mail.  And than blame the crummy postal service for being slow and late.  So now that my friends know most of my holiday tricks, I need to go do some real shopping.  

   

    Retail:

These discount retail stores are damaging to ones pocket-book.  You run around saving so much money, that you go in debut.   Cashier: “Lets see, four carts  of sale items with a total of only $629.08!”   Notice the amount is never an even number.  Everthing is priced at $2.96 so as to elude that you are not paying three whole dollars!   Now working in retail is an even worse fate for the wallet.  You get a discount so of course that means you can spend more cash!   They basically recycle your weekly money into a paycheck. Whats worse is they issue your check at the back of the storer.  So by the time you get to the doors, it is magically gone.  Poof!  Wich store did I work for?  I won’t mention names, but it does rhyme with Fall Apart.  Proably the worst of these such stores are the bulk stores such as Costco.   Supposidly the store is only for business, but if you flash a bulging wallet around “looking” for your business card, they might just sign you up.  These are the stores you leave with gallons of hair shampoo and half a cow for your freezer and a brand new Tub of Lard!

    I am going to start a twelve step program for those addicted to bulk store shopping.  If your not, I have already cured you!  And reading the rest of this rambling is up to you.  Step 1:  Take a penny pincher to the store with  you, they will make sure everything you buy fits in one small van.  Step 2:   Enter the said store, and just browse.   Do not buy anything.  Maybe go on Thursday and just sample all the food giveaways.   Step 3:  Find a local organized, Bulk off meeting. 

    Step 4:  Actually ateend the meeting, they do give free donuts!   Step 5:  Cut up your membership card.  If your withdrawl symptoms are to sever to use sirrors, give card to a friend.  It is always fun to watch them turn into a shop a holic.  And maybe you will soon have someone to attend meetings with.  Step 6:  Tell a hundred previously unknown people at random, your name and that you are a shop a holic.  It helps you meet new friends, with new interests and the first step to recovery is attmiting you have a problem, numorus times.  The next step involves cutting down on eating.  All those sample food days and meeting donuts are turning you , well poofy!  

    Ok, I admit my twelve step program doesn’t have twelve steps.  But if you are not cured by now  you are a lost cause.  Get a second job to help your finaciel situation and fund your 2^nd and third storage garages.  Also buy me the small 68 pack of beer, it helps with my creative writing process!