Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Horoscopes And Other Random Thoughts

    Although my blog hs already gone well beyond the cult status, another some how more identifyable cult in the paper is the daily horoscope.  I very rarly read these, but sometimes it honestly gives me more comic relief than my articles, or than when I look in the mirror.   *For you single ladies out there, and those looking to birthday shop for me, please not I am a might Leo!   I now feel to be an certified expert on the subject.  Or at the least certifiable.  Because I did my reserch last night, I read my horoscope and than drank another beer!  The insigt was deep, but mostly advised me to take a map, if I traveled.   How did the mighty horoscope know I was a male?   It continued to advise me to stay out of hospitals.   Always good insight!   And something I have done latly--even with a good friend sickly and in the hospital.   Hospitals make me very nervous, even if I am not the patient.  Although the gowns are styling, but only when you stand up in them!   The only place that bugs me more is hotel rooms.   Mainly because I have done some crazy things in motel rooms, and imagine others have also, and don't want to sleep around that.  And because many people decide to kill themselves in motel rooms, at least according to Steven King.
    Anyways, back to horoscopes.   If these predictions were so real, wouldn't each of the 64 animals readings be the same each day, in every source that you read them?   How can every magazine have a diffrent horoscope for me?  I get so confused deciding wich fate will be mine, that I never leave the house.  I also think good ol Karma has a lot to do with your fate each day.   Mine has slowly been getting much better.   But for awhile, I seriously thought I was something terriable like a baby killer in a past life.   Things were so bad.   This theory was shot to heck, when I recalled that I do not beleive in reincarnation. 
     Thus, my all inclusive horoscopes for the week.  Slightly based from the wisdom of our local weatherman.   Monday:  Your day will be filled with hardships, caused from a hard weeksend of parying.  You will regret recalling your debut pin number while drunk. 
   Tuesday:  Your fincial situration will either get better or worse today.   (Notice the weather mans 50/50 chance of rain influence here?) 
    Wendsday:  A long journey awaits you, full of obsitcles.  AKA your commute to work.  You will meet your possiable life partner today, depending on if your spouse is with you or not at the time.  And money will be a large factor in all you do, or don't do today.  File a claim for a stolin debut card with your bank, for money rewards.
    Thursday:   Reavualuate were you are in life.  Do not eat at the corner mexican joint, there bean mix soup is now offically four days old.   Emence joy and love will come your way and as quicly disapear, after you run out of ten spots for the strippers while on your lunch break.   Things only get worse as you rush to the ATM and lose your card.   Recalling that you filled for a stolin bank card!
    Friday:  causual day at work will lead to you finding a twenty in your blue jeans pocket.   Entire bill goes into your gas tank, were you recieve excatly four gallons of gas!   Waking up from your power nap just before the boss comes around, keeps you employed and gives you enough energy to stay awake untill coffee  break time.  Conflicts with your relatives will finely lead to you not talking to your mother in law.  Strange five year headache suddenly clears up! 
    Saturday:  It will rain today.
    Sunday:  Continues to pour.   Your nap through church is still counted as attending and your sins will be forgotten.  new adventures look profatable.  
   Monday:   Full on sunshine returns all day.  It would hurt your eyes, but you are staring at the sun from your cubicle, exactly 12 cubicles away from the closest window. 
     How accurate are my predictions?   The Magic 8-ball says..........Try again!


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