Thursday, June 30, 2011

6/30/2011 Or Goodbye June!

     Dirt Road Anthem --Jason A
http://youtu.be/fJ5IIDn_JXE

    I have been surprised in my travels, how few people seem to know what a read dirt road is.   This is what I grew up on.   Tried to learn to skateboard on.  Crashed and burned on.   In every way possible, from skateboards, to running, to bikes, to cars.   I also learned to ride my bike on a dirt road.   A hill to be exact.  Just kind of climbed on, and aimed for the bottom of the hill.   I can say, that brakes were not needed to stop on the first few trips!   Some of the best dirt roads in Oregon  were the old logging roads.   The best ones are usually "closed"   but full of mud and great times.  Because for all Oregon may lack they have an endless supply of mud, mushrooms, and hippies.
   
                                           **"You can't fix stupid!"**

                                             **"Here's your sign!"**

    I am going to re-frain from talking about "off" people in this post.  Because as the months progress lately, I might actually be who these quotes are talking about.   I know that my x used to proudly wear a shirt, proclaiming the first line, and than point at me, a lot.  

I can not believe it is already basically July.  The weather here, just started to act summer like, and the tourists that usually come this way in droves, still have not made there appearance.   Plus, for me at least, the last six months have been basically a blur, and flown by.  

     **"What's the rule about white boys dancing in public?------ "Not unless your gay!"**---Scrubs
 
   People seem to think I am having a seizure, and call the paramedics, when I decide to dance.  My x has seen my dance only twice, and that was more than enough.   It is kind of like singing Karoakie, I would have to be extra drunk to do so.   And have never done the singing.   I know from taking showers, that my singing skills are extra bad.  Even the spiders are glad they have extra legs, to cover there ears, as they scamper quickly down the drain.   One of our "big boned" co workers keeps trying to drag me along when he sings.   I have told him if he would sing the Big Balls song, I would buy him two pitchers of beer!   So far he hasn't taken the bait.  
    Have you ever heard the Detachable Penis song?  That phrase is the main coarse, and Penis is brought up in the song a lot.   It really is a real song.   Anyways, one day when I was covering in electronics at Wally World, the song came over all the radios.   I had never heard the song, and was busy staring at the ceiling trying to hide my snickering.   The customers were busy glaring at me.   I can not pick what the dj's play on the radio, but if I knew the official name of the song, I might request it over and over again!
    One night recently while I was channel surfing at about 3 AM, I came across South Park.   A usual stop for my channel clicking.   It soon pictured several men bouncing on their over sized balls, like those rubber bouncy ball toys, down the street.   Things are instantly more amusing the less sleep I get, so I just layed there shaking my head and laughing.   I later watched the full episode, and learned they used microwaves to grow their balls, so that they could get medical mary jane.   It's one of those things you would have to watch to understand.  
   And you say my mind wanders?

    Awhile back my manager and I discovered that my work place has a PA system through the entire restaurant.   And we spent about a week trying to fix the system.   It hasn't worked for years, so the system really is not essential.   It just sounded endlessly amusing.   I used to get blamed for random pages and such during my time with Wally World.   I can not tell you if there was a reason I was usually first to be blamed or not.   I can say that during nightly meetings, I and another worker would stand beside all the managers, and pay someone else to make noises on the PA, so that it would be known, it was obviously not us playing around. 
     At this restaurant I picture talking to people getting ready to sit, or sitting in the place.   "Don't sit there!   Put that fork down!  Leave your sister alone.....!"   Please recall that I am from Wyoming, and very easily amused. 

    OK   last thought for today.   I am running out of coffee to sip on, and my fingers are getting kind of sore.   Plus the people around me can smell burning bananas from me thinking so hard, I am sure.    After watching  Malcom in the Middle months ago--this idea has been running through my head.   Most ideas from the show should automatically be put in your brains garbage file.   This is were I also take no credit in coming up with the idea.
     Anyways, this particular episode deals with one of the boys pretending to be an 18 year old girl on the Internet.   Looking for single men.   Descibed as beautiful of course, and having to strict parents that just didn't understand.   In the end he got some paid flights to "meet" the men.   I figure that most "victims" would be middle age, low end pervs, with disposable income.  From not being married or having kids of there own.  So it just might be as close to a victimless crime as there is?   Plus one would get free trips.  I start with Florida!


  

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

   **"Today, I broke my record for the number of days I haven't died. I plan on breaking it again tomorrow."**

                 **"When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets."**


    So very soon, I am turning in my paper work to move across this small town once again.   To all of you that say I have no clue what I am doing -and eventually need to just settle some were---you are right!   I also say, that I am at least staying in the same town for a little longer anyways.   It's hard to finger out exactly what to do, when every time you show up for work, new stories abound.   For the most part I think they are just that--stories.  But the company in general seems to have more to fix than is possible.   As bad as it sounds, I would love to put an online betting pool were everyone guesses what week of the year the restaurant closes it's doors for good.   Sealing the bet with about ten bucks.   I personally would pick the week 9-11-11 falls on, because 9-11 has been blamed for everything else, why not contributing to me being suddenly the funniest person in the un-employment line?   I just really fear the effects of putting such a thing online, no matter how amusing. 
     This again will be an easy and or quick move.   Most of my measly belongings are still in Washington state.   I say measly because I seem to gain things I really don't want each time I move.  And loose things I would love to still have.   Like I have no clue were any of my high school yearbooks are, but I have a great collection of false eyelashes and frying pans that could hold about one egg at a time.   I ended up here ripe *in smell, right off the bus with a large suitcase and backpack.   So a move takes, O about, ten minutes right now.   The place I am in now, took a deposit to hold.   So I do have to make it look clean and spiffy to ever see that money again.   I have done every type of move possible.   And have moved a lot!   From the rental vans to moving out in the middle of the night, with garbage bags full of belongings and police escorts making sure I was only taking my belongings.  My ex is the only person I know, who has quite possibly moved more times than myself.   We have logged in a great number of moves together across the country.   And on many a cross country voyage, she has pointed out the many towns and houses she has live in.   No matter what state we are in, it seems.  I will not take the time here to say  I am an expert at packing it in, because that just sounds wrong, on many levels.  But I can fully pack your house in a U-Haul van several sizes smaller than the one your dealer will recommend!
     Switching gears.   I write a lot about my time working for Wally World.   It was eight years, and in many ways, it seems like much much longer.  I now do miss a few things.   Top being, how I could clear my mind.   To the stage right before one would just start drooling all over, if a customer asked me a question.   And that meant I was ready to clock in for work!   I, in my endless list of things to do, have an idea of a book about Wally World life.   The beginning would be tons of stories about what I have experienced.   Most of it --my friends know well, and would make the rest of you want to poke your minds eye out with a spoon.    Than I would tell *secrets of working every department of the huge box stores.  How to look busy, without really doing anything productive and the such.   What will get you fired----like falling asleep in the steel in receiving.    How to not get fired.   How to get promoted, if you into that kind of thing.   I see accomplishing two goals with all of this. 
     One:    With all of the thousands of new employees the company has each year, I could market the "book" to them.   As a second "training guide"     If one pauses to think about ALL of the people that have shopped at the retail store, worked there, made or delivered goods for them, built the stores, etc---it is an amazingly huge number of people!   Sadly a huge number of my Facebook friends, are from Wally Worlds past.   But I did work several stores!
    B:   I could work on altering the publicity for the "book"   and make the company worried about what was in the pages.   Hoping they would buy me out, to not have the publication on any ones shelves.  
    Anyway, in my endless rambling at work I added something to my list of the things I would love to have the video tape of.   Because I heard about these stories, to no end.  But never actually got to witness.   Possibly another reason I move so much, people hear all my stories by the first year or so of living somewhere.   And it keeps me just ahead of the FBI of course!  So, for your enjoyment?   Here is the full list.   It had four items---but today I add number five.


1. **Springfield OR store----- The husband I before mentioned that got married in Wal-Mart worked in the tire and lube center, and was playing on the car lift. He fell off, and was found flopping around in the grease and oil Than got fired!
2. **Eugene OR store---Look on district managers face. The big wigs were walking the WM and heard strange noises out by the storage trailers---- When they flung the doors open, they saw onna our asst managers and the pets dept manager having sex. Both were fired.
3. **Bellingham WA store--- We had a Rain Man of sorts cart pusher Jeremy who wasn't all their. every day he would check the obituary pages in the paper. Mark wanted sooo bad to put his name in their to watch him freak out----anyways, on his birthday when the clock wished him a happy birthday--he freaked out beat the shit outta the time clock and tore it off the wall. He was fired.
4. ** Bellingham WA store-- ONna the support managers had a road rage episode on the way to work, and the other person followed them into the store parking lot. The other man, ran at the manager cussing him out. The manager cold cocked the dude and dropped him to the ground with one punch! He was not fired

#5 ** Flagstaff AZ store--- The store manager went to a huge WM confrence for CA, AZ, and NM--- On the big board out front they had the top 50 stores in the area customers had voted on cleaness, workers, etc etc and than they had the top 50 worse rated stores. The store manager kept scanning, and our store was ranked the worse out of like a thousand stores

    Also for your enjoyment:





  • Things learned at WM

    Don’t argue logic with management.
    Always appear busy.
    *If you want to page Dial *96
    Meetings with management can be fun! Record is nine in a month.
    Always cover your butt. Management has two members in a meeting, you should too.
    B.O.B. is not a person.
    Work in the garden center in the summer when there are no holidaze.
    Make a schedule for fish feeding.
    Promotions come to those that slack.
    Never page out a code Yellow, when you need to pee.
    Never do a store remodel!
    Make sure you know what the code names you give co workers really mean!
    Learn sporting goods before they put you their to cover-those customers get angry and can buy guns.
    Always know were loss prevention and managers are.
    Don’t draw maps to competing stores when customers ask were they can find an item you are out of.
    Don’t drop out of college!
    Do your own transfers!
    In stores with no isle numbers don’t tell customers to go to isle 6.
    Zone don’t zone out.
    Getting married in the store Is overly lame!!
    If the time clock says happy birthday--thank it---Don't kick it's ass.
    Making your own name tags can be fun.
    Don't play on the car lift in Tire center. Don't yell lube it up all day while in tire center
    Wear riot gear on Black Friday
    Never say Union!



        Ok and last thoughts here.  As I sit online at a local bar.   After a very hot day at work.   Urinals are not favorable for us that are vertically challenged.   In this particular bars restroom, I either have to stand on my tipsy toes, or use one you might see in a grade school.   Almost on my knees.   OK  I am short   but not that short.   And why would a bar offer urinals that short in the first place?   That would be one killer fake ID!    I actually really like the long urinals, were it is almost like peeing on the ground, for whatever reasons.  

    Friday, June 24, 2011

    6/24/11

        So, once again my detailed plans are quickly starting to come un-raveled.    OK they were not detailed plans--you do know me!   But I had a definite list of plans, a result, AND a way to get there.   But once again life seems to be getting in the way, and defiantly have different plans for me.   I feel I can still make rent money and such, but beyond that will be struggling to keep my head above water.   Last summer I was making great money, and it kept me happily drifting for quite awhile.   So, having a steady job and being able to pay  rent is a great feeling again.   Doing this AND having some money in the bank, puts me above a huge percent of Americans, sadly. 
         After three days off work in a row, in this thrilling town, I am overly glad to be returning to work tomorrow!   I still have to many days off this week, but the days are at least spaced out.   I realize I am in a much smaller town with far less to do.   And with no car or bus system here, I have done more than my share of walking lately.   Through the time off, I have to much time to think.   I am sure you can smell the burning bananas from there--from thinking to hard.   And many of my blogs lately have focused on some of my recent thoughts.   Although I can't usually even keep up with my thought waves--so good luck with that, readers.   I also wonder how I kept from going crazy most of the winter in Washington, without a steady job.   Well, more crazy.   It was very easy to jump the city bus, while living up there, and end up some were very kool.   Or just people watch.   Something I usually enjoyed.  
         I had hoped to raise enough this summer, to pay off as many of my collected fines as possible.  Enabling me to drive again, and gain a better job.  And to just float starting in about October.   I have friends in many towns from my continuing "gypsy" life.   And as I bonded with old friends, made new ones, I would already have coffee drinking buddies.  Something I miss a lot here!   Also while I was there, I could check out the job market, and have new areas to take pictures of, and blog about.   Plus----and this might be the main reason, I would not have to freeze here in Wyoming through the winter, and it's super slow non tourist season.   I am positive it would be an extra long winter here this year.   Especially if the tourist season, continues to not exist here.  
          At this point in time---I think it would be great to find a product I could sell anywhere, and just take off on the road.   Selling items when I needed to  to continue my journey.   And blogging and taking pictures all along the way.  I also would like to give back to people along the way as much as possible.  Clear some more of my Karma maybe.  Help anyone along the way I could.   This would add to my stories on the road, plus hopefully make me feel like more of a contributing person to society while I again was not really working.    Can anyone think of such a product?   Because at least for the moment, this all sounds like the ultimate dream for me now.  
        I hope to make many changes to my blogs in the future.   Starting with small changes.   Before I explain any of them--I apologize for the snooze level of this particular blog entry!   I will do my best to be much more entertaining and or amusing in tomorrows blog.   And or, because I am rarely both in the same entry.
        I want to bring back my "mini rants" on Fridays.   Something I honestly have not been annoyed enough to do properly lately.   Each is dedicated to something current that has overly ticked me off.   Surprisingly, I only have about twelve of these, thus far.   I want to start some other regular entries---including a "find me" type picture/contest.   For the locals --were they try to guess were I hiked too or visited that day.   And than rank the hike or trip-for them to visit.   Using my rank system  in "Hiking 101"  a past blog here.   I have some other great--to me ---ideas roaming around in my head.
        I also am slowly working towards getting advertising and sponsors on this page also.   So if you are at all interested in getting in on the ground floor, while I am still small and very cheap----with your logo on all of my pages, and a strong reader base.   Please contact me!  Before I dive into this to deeply--I want to claim a far higher reader base.   I am working on this, but word of mouth---is always a plus.    I also fear taking this leap----because of both fear of rejection.  And because I don't want to ruin the sight by adding advertising.   Facebook once was greatly worried about this.   And had no advertising.   Now, although subtle---it is completely filled with advertising.  
         Please let me know any thoughts Y'all have on any of this.   You the reader MAKE this sight!!   And any and all input is helpful.    Thank you!

    Thursday, June 23, 2011

    Go The F to Sleep!

    
    Need to commit a crime in Sheridan?  All the police are at Perkins!
    
       

                               **"If at first you don't succeed,  bungee jumping is not for you!"**

          **"He was madder than an albino hitchhiking in a snow storm!"**---Larry the Cable Guy

                                             **"Coffee first, than your mudan  B.S!"**

                                       **"The police never think it's as funny as you do."**




       So I was sitting in the nearby park yesterday, were I can somehow get Internet service.  I need a picture of my laptop and cell phone and coffee spread across the picnic table, as I run from the swarm of mosquitoes that are attracted to my computers bright lights.   But I can not stop laughing long enough to take that picture, or is that crying?   Anyways, while I was surfing the net, a cop pulled into the park and sat across from me.   I at first was worried that the officer was going to chat with me about "borrowing" Internet service.  But am more sure that officers here are more worried about much smaller issues and keeping sheep safe from lonely guys.   This *Internet "borrowing" --and probably sheep molesting, is a criminal offence in many cities.  



    I am sure this post was like this before the officer pulled up?

    1) Jumped out of the trunk of my car on Main Street with a police car behind us.  *Sheridan, WY
     2) Put a lic plate of a white conversion van on my red Ford Ranger pickup.   Had to drive 2 hrs to Phoniex with no lic plate. *Near Kingman, AZ
     3) Pulled over for ciriling the train tracks with an air horn, honking at the radio station, driving erratically *Sheridan, WY
     4) Police called when I tried to cash my payroll check.   Aberdeen, WA
     5) Asked motercycle cop were his seatbelt was when got pulled over for no seat belt.   *Coburg, OR
     6) Got a speeding ticket while parked   *Springfield, OR
     7) Called judge on above case  a dumb ass and got contempt of court.  *Springfield, OR
     8) Surrounded by 8 police man at 3 am  and than asked by lead officer  when I was going to ask April to marry me  *Queen Creek, AZ
     9) Slept cuddeled up to a toliet in jail  *kingman, AZ
     10) Charged threatining and intimidating by the state of AZ
    11) Pulled out of bed while pretending to sleep at own house party  Sheridan, WY
    12) Pulled over for flashing the hitler  wave while waving to people on Main  Sheridan, WY
    13) Hour long sobrity test  after actually drinikin only one beer  Eugene, OR
    14) 2 sec sobrity test when got my DUI Eugene, OR
    15) Saying I had no ID, lying about name, and than ID found on me *springfield, OR
    16) Throwing roomates belongs off balcony while drunk  Bellingham, WA
    17) Ran into somone no lic no innsurence etc   Bellingham, WA
    18) Pulled over for speeding with a pipe bomb in car trunk *Sheridan, WY
    19) Friend peed in the alley       *Larmie and Sheridan WY
    20) Feel into 2 cops with a drink in both hands and 17     MT
    21) Told seat belt was on wrong   had automatic seatbelts  *Springfield OR
    22) Car stalled out by court house.  PUlled over  stick shift  boutbacked into cop car Sheridan WY
    23) Trying to get up hiill by court house in winter.   Sliding down backwards 2 cops sitting at base of hill  Sheridan WY



    Rent a pigs
    Kicked out of Rimrock mall for yelling my "Mating call"  Billings, MT
    To loud at a concert  Billings MT

    IM sure thiers more just need time to think





        I am now starting to wonder how I survived my long stay in the state of Arizona.   It was only 80 yesterday here, and I was more than annoyed with the heat.   I also realize that just months ago, I and everyone else was moaning about the rain and cold.  Well that's gone, and now the big bad bright sun is the worse thing I can complain about.   Guess in retrospect, I have it very well off than!

       As I might have mentioned, about once in a blog lately--I still do not have computer access from my home.  Beyond my cell phone, and I am not typing a blog on my phone, using my thumbs and hours of my time.   Awhile back I found a neighbor that had wi-fi, and tried to slip them some money, to use their pass code.   He kept saying, it's a secure --private password.   No sh*t!--if it wasn't I would be online, right now, and would never be having this conversation.  Is what I wanted to say to the person.  I know that I would be glad to receive some spending cash, if I was online and the people around me were not.   I was overly annoyed about all this at first, but than last week, the man and his wife were kicked out of the apartment.   I would have been far more annoyed to have spent say $20 bucks --and than only been able to use the net for a week -until they were kicked out.  
        I now joke that the above party was so busy looking up porn, that he didn't want others on his network, slowing down his viewing.   This thought line mostly comes from the large amount of sex offenders who live near me.  Maybe it is because of the no questions asked lease here.   Basically if you have cash, you now have a rental.   This all worries me just a little bit, because I am vertically challenged, and look a lot like a little boy!   My co-workers have already warned me about not wearing a backpack and baseball cap when roaming around the neighborhood at night!
         I enjoy the fact at my current job, that people only know what I have chosin to tell them about myself.   I have worked with my girlfriend, when she was that, at several different Wally Worlds, and people soon knew way more about me than anyone not dating me ever should.   It was actually amazing how fast stories went through the huge box stores.   At points her and I used to start stories about ourselves to see how quickly the news would get back to us, and what the story now sounded like.    **Please  read "My girlfriend has a boyfriend" in my past posts for a perfect example of all this.  At one point last summer, I actually thought this gal was coming to visit me here in No-Wheres-Ville Wyoming.   I was also worried about her meeting my co-workers.  Because she likes to share.   And the main interpretation people here had of me, was by my actions and what I had chosen to share only.    This seems more important to me now, as I am basically starting over once again in life.   Call it a second chance, call it dodging a bullet, call it chapter three.  Whatever it is, writing about the huge changes, is a huge stress reliever.   For my readers sake, I try not to dwindle into things to deeply.   Because sorrow hurts, but it's not funny.
        There is a new book out ---that appears to be a kids book--but is defiantly not!   It is for parents who have younger children, or have had, that simply will not go to bed.   They need another pitcher of water, to pee, for you to check under the bed for monsters.   Lately I kind of think the book is for myself also.   I drag myself into bed, barely awake, and than my mind wakes up fully.  And it is well into the morning hours before I actually pass out.   Although I am quickly learning that planning things, does not do a bit of good.   This is not a kids book as I mentioned.  It is tittled "Go The F***  to Sleep!   And the language through out followers suit.   But it is also an amusing read.   It was sold out the first three weeks on Amazon.  And at only $10.00 a good deal.   I am sure my "plug" on here will not help the sales much, with my 2.5 readers.   But they are constantly reading pages of the book on the CNN news type networks.   Complete with many bleeped out words. 
        Although the books concept is overly amusing to me, are the cuss words a selling point, or really needed at all?  Cussing seems to be the norm lately or at least highly overlooked.   I was amazed on the last episode of South Park that I watched, that they did not even bleep "sh*t" during the entire show.   Living around three children, until lately, I tried to completely stop cussing.  They are sponges on words and thoughts like that.  Not that even the seven year old couldn't teach me some new cuss words I am sure.   I still try to keep the cussing to a minimum.  But utter a few under my breath when it gets extra busy and or stressful at work.   If this becomes the norm, something much worse and shocking will be bad next.   We as a society will have to find new shocks.   Noses will be blacked out on TV  because they are much to risky to show live.   Is it really progress or digression?  
       

    Wednesday, June 22, 2011

    More Rambling. Sad for Y'all --My Mind Never Stops Roaming!

                                              **"Love is grand---divorce is 100 grand!"**

        **"This is rare, we got a credit card collection notice and new card application in today's mail!"**----Malcom in The Middle

                                                 **"Weiner pulls out!"**



      So --Last Saturday marked the     of the year--leaving      daze in the year.   Thought that was kind of kool.   I have not done the math to verify that it really is true, but I am sure it is.   Why pick something so dumb to lie about -right?   
       In the same mind frame.....   09/10/2011 is coming up!   It will probably be a terrible day, but fun to write on checks.  

                                                          Awesome weekend! But free bars are bad


                      **"Haven't been online for three daze----Seems like much much longer."**

    Although I am on the countdown to moving once again.  And actually being able to use my computer at home again.  It is still about two weeks away.  I get tidbits of time online.   And thus have been slacking on new blog posts.   Although I am still not positive most of my reader base really minds! 

                          **"Love stinks! The sudden absence of it stinks even worse."**

      More random thoughts on this --after I get myself in a better frame of mind again.   I went to an amazing wedding the other day  *and not amazing just because they offered a free bar!   Which I enjoyed a ton, and am very thankful I was invited.  But at the same time, with my events of the last, O, two to five years, sent my mind spinning.    Full report on all of that very soon!

    **"I just want all of you to know: jokes about female bodily functions aren't funny. Period."**

    **"I'm just going to buy some lube---So I can enjoy my recent daily screwing, just a lil bit."**

      I had to throw that quote in the mix.   I have not had  a very good week at all, in any aspect.   In the same thought wave, I feel I could never work in a tire/lube-oil change shop---because I would yell  "lube it up!"  every time a car pulled up.  


        For whatever reason, gays have come up in my regular conversations a lot lalty.   And I have added samplings of our thoughts on it all in my blogs frequently.  I have no real issues with them--some really good friends are gay.   But I do feel that of lately there is way to much of a media push to make gays seem beyond "normal" but the norm.   Which I have to say is kind of scary.   It also is probably why the topic keeps coming up.  
       Anyways, my friend seems to be living in an area full of not straight people.  By the sounds of it, the population might put San Francisco to shame.    He is not a homophobe--but is old school, and not exactly fond of them.   The gay society had a huge parade downtown on Fathers Day there.  *I already find issues with this:   Because the amount of fathers would greatly reduce in there society--thus why celebrate it on Fathers day?   He, seeing posters all over his work place about the "event" instantly started talking about hosting a parade for straight people.  Instantly stating that the parade route would have no turns or corners, but would run completely straight.  
          His thoughts were instantly meet with flax.   Why would anyone ever want such a parade---and similar expressions.   The room was kind of outraged with his idea.   I for one would show up and bring as many people as I could!   We wouldn't bash gays, but sure as heck support liking gals.   We could turn it into a single "mixer" meet and greet at the same time!   And I for one love his idea of the parade route!

      **"Everyone should get a vasectomy!   Future generations will thank us!"**---Peter-Family Guy

     I do not have a picture of it, but the new kids menu at work has the greatest kids maze I have seen in awhile!   It basically shows a start arrow,  a large completely blank area and than the finish arrow!   It teaches your child to be imaginative as they draw in there own maze, and than try to complete it.   Who says society is stupefying the next generations.   OK, I might have said this a time or two.   But I participated with the education of three youngsters while living in Arizona.  They are in Washington state now, and the schools are far better.   The main problem I had with the Arizona schools, beyond the principal in our same school distract, getting taken in by the FBI for kiddie porn.   Was that they were starting to go to school uniforms for the kids, at an elementary level.   The schools all look like prisons lately anyway, why dress the kids all the same.   I can kind of see the benefits of dress codes at least in the high school level.   But still can't see a call for it with elementary aged kids.    The leaders of this idea argued that it would allow poor kids and non poor to look the same, and they would not be made fun of.   *At least not for having less money*   BUT in the same breath they would explain that there were five different shirts to choose from.   Each, get this, costing a higher amount to purchase, depending on the style and quality of the shirts.   How does that stop the problem exactly?

        Have you noticed the sayings on the tops of Sobe drink bottles are never funny anymore?   Or even close to entertaining.   They used to at least be a little enjoyable before you tossed them in the garbage.   Maybe the sayings are now just to "deep" for me to understand. 

       I can not use the T-9 setting on my cell phone.   *were it trys to "guess" the words you are trying to text.   My spelling is so bad, whatever I am typing the words just come up ??????????


                                                                **"This blog loves haters!"**

        So much talk lately has come up about fake blogs.   Well the blogs are real, as in they exists, but the writers are not who they claim to be.   The estranged foreign gal, repressed from society, that turned out to be a white gal in America.   The lesbian blogger, that was a male construction worker.   I would like to take the time to point out that nothing is fake in my blogs!   If anything I try to post that will make people think twice, or argue with me.   Because I enjoy comments of all kinds.  Although I rearly get any  *hint hint!   
      

       
       

    Friday, June 17, 2011

    3rd Thursdays--Main Street-Sheridan

     



         For some reason when I roam around Sheridan --the country song --Small Town, Saturday Night  bounces through my head.   Especially when bored of my small home and wandering the streets late at night.   All of the street lights start flashing at midnight, and the truck stop and Wal Mart are about the only places still open.   The main drivers, are teens perpetually looking for something to do, and cops ready to catch them, when they find something to adventurous to do.  



         Bigger cities defiantly have more to do, but with that comes way more people, more expensises, and a much higher crime rate.   Arizona has huge, great indoor flea markets that take up acres of space for all the snowbirds and actual residents alike.   The great northwest is so happy to see sunshine in the summer time that they have festivals galore!    Eugene, Oregon has one of the best Saturday markets, right down town I believe I have ever been to.   You just have to look past many of the hippies, who for the most part make the day great.    Seattle has the huge public market that you could get lost in for hours and not even see half of the great products.  
       


       Now to Sheridan.



       I wandered down to the 3rd Thursday street festival tonight.   If you live in Sheridan you not only know what it is, you were probably yourself downtown.  In a town with little to do, the residents flock to anything that could be an event.   Any time I was off work, I have been to this in the last few summers now, and have to say it is very kool.    Far outranking the Saturday markets I have briefly visited in Sheridan.   Which mainly consisted of a couple of tents and some random music type noises.  

        This is actually a very kool event.   Especially for those with rat loads AKA kids.   The streets are full of hands on events for the kids and the young at heart if you are a smooth enough talker.   I was very happy to see a Fat Tire beer tent downtown.   Because that usually quickly helps even the worse stage singers sound like American Idol winners!   Bad singing was not present this evening.  And beverages were not in my future either.   Although I had cash with me, I had forgotten to grab my ID and at this point in my life, I still get carded about half of the time.   O well!   It was still a great night.  


     
       Activities range from live music on both ends of the closed down street.   "Driving" a fire engine.   Bull riding, and endless great food tasting.   And of course free people watching.   Something I always have the cash and time for.  

          At first making my appearance my mind changed gears in almost a complete 360 very quickly.   From noticing how long I have been out of this fair city.  Mostly because with all of the people roaming the streets, I knew very few of them.   This is not completely true, I recognized lots of faces –most of there names escaped me.   And with my long absence, I doubt most of them had a clue who I was.  Although I apparently have changed very little in appearance since high school daze.   People come up to me all the time at work, most appear familiar, many not at all, that know my parents and or me from growing up.   Part of the problems I have with names spurs forming code names for most of the people I work or hang out with.   It soon becomes the only name I associate with the face.   And when someone askes me how ol Bob is doing, I quickly wander who the heck Bob is-----O that’s my dad….  
        Than my mind jumped to what would have been if I had stayed in this small town.  And not ran far away one winter when I was 19.    I have traveled the US since than, and frankly never thought I would come back.  And now have twice!    Everyone I know here seems to be married and or have kids.   And is so used to the way of life here, they might not ever make it in another state.   The first gave me flashbacks to my years with my best friend and her three wonderful kids.   Although it is great fun to explore and see things through kids eyes.  It is also a humongous headache when other people –especially many other people are involved.   *In fact many might say I share the same thought waves with kids, so we get along very very well!   I think back to a recentish trip to Vegas with the kids.   Although it advertises itself as a family town, it is far from one.   And we spent most exploring time dripping in the sun with one adult leading and one following the kids.   All the way keeping them moving, out of forbidden areas, and from collecting the endless 900 number ads with gals with very few clothes on.   Those were for my personnel collection.   For the nights I ended up sleeping on the couch.   Anyways, going to the street fair alone made for an amazingly quick exploring experience.   Although I greatly missed having people beside me to share it with.   I miss that feeling a lot every day. 



    To the left is Main Street on a normal day--rush hour.  Above is a picture I did not take--but love!   Also Main Street in the winter.
       About shutting down time for the fun, about time for the rain to start and sprinkle.    Supposed to rain a lot here again soon.    *Song ---rain is a good thing. *    As I passed Buggy Bath #2 --I witnessed a line of people instantly saddened that they had picked today to wash there vehicles.     


    If your are a tourist, or just trying to get across town be prepared for slow moving.   Beyond the street fair --will be the sting of endless road repairs.  Luckily Sheridan has many alternate routes.   And is one of those towns that is impossible to get lost in!   Enjoy looking around the town.  And especially the great downtown.   I have written about downtown Sheridan before.  And believe it is one of the nicest, well kept around by far!
          Downtown will not see a better event until the last Thursday in July.   And than the Rodeo with all of its street dances and such.   
       If you try to take your adult beverages out of the street fair, or attempt to drink and drive--Don't!   For an awesome change of pace, take the trolley home, or have your wife drive for once.  

    Thursday, June 16, 2011

    Were In The World Is Sheridan, Wyoming ?


    Hard to see in this picture---But the rainbow appears to end in my bank.


    My new camera does not do good close ups---but this is now printed on every pay check stub----Debtors in possession.   That's a good sign right?   I guess it is all good until they start stamping "Void" on the actual check.  I mean K-Mart filled for bankruptcy years ago and they are still thriving.  Well running smooth.   Well open.  



      **"There is some mad wackiness behind some of this check it out"**-----James T     -----After a new worker at our fine restaurant checked out some of my posts.  Still deciding if that is a selling point to put on my future books dust jacket or not, but I like it!
     

        I realize that Sheridan is not a big city at all, but it is well spread out.   Coming into town off the lonely highway at night, with all the lights and three exists off the highway one thinks they are entering a large town.   I have walked the distance  of the town a few times today.   And am wishing I had better walking shoes among other things.  
        I have lately noticed that electric company's have trouble naming themselves.  The local one spells out MUD when you right the initials on your payment checks.  In Washington it was EPUD.  Which mostly sounds like a great new code name for a few of my co-workers!   Arizona introduced me to a lot of things I really could live the rest of my life without seeing again.   One of these was pay as you go electric of sorts.  And after the worker first explained it to me over the phone, I was sure she was pulling my leg and I was on a new hidden camera telephone show!  The cliff notes are that you basically guess about how much your household will use in a month--and pay say $100.  This lights your house, than they plug a dealie bob-*not official name, in your wall that monitors your actual electric usage.   Three days before you are going to run completely out of juice, it starts flashing and you run to the local grocery store and buy a re-fill on power.   No joke!    Anyways, boy you become distracted easily!   As I was down at the downtown street fair deal *again not the official name*, this fair night I came across a man whose last name was Small.   Proving that Weiner is not the worse last name out there by far.   Although if Small sent pictures of himself out on the web, people might not even notice the object was objectable --because of it's size.   OK, once again, if I have to explain the joke---it's not funny---Thanks for playing!    We had a couple of kids in our school with the last name of Whacker.    This could be made fun of in many amusing ways.   But I think any name can, given kids long enough to pander on it.   About the only teasing I got, was walking into the Adams Family theme song complete with finger snapping, many a morning at school.   It is very helpful with phone calls though, having such an easy last name.   If the caller stumbles over Adams---they are probably a telemarketer.
        

       
        For several reasons I have decided to not post actual pictures of my new studio apartment.   One being that it is already not very clean!   Those are both inside, and the mirrors prove great for taking pictures.  And for making the place look so much more roomy!  I recall going to a buffet once after an extra long track meet, and not noticing the mirrors, at first thought the food was almost un-ending!   This place came with a shower curtain.  But I have noticed, most places do not.  I usually notice this an hour before I need to be at work, as I am attempting to take a shower.  I have attempted to turn the shower nozzle all the way toward the wall and huddle in the corner of the shower stall.  But always get more water on the floor than on myself.   This time I am in a actual studio, and got to pay a deposit.   The lease is very simple.   Don't be annoying and make payments on time and you can stay as long as you wish.   I find it "odd" on monthly rentals that a tenant needs to give seven days notice of moving out, but the owners can give you as little as a three day notice to git.   
        I was also amused that the place had a very nice TV with built in DVD and several hundred dollars of other appliances.   But the owner was very worried about the dorm style rug under the dinning room table.   I got a thirty minute speech about how the rug needed to look as good when I left the apartment or it became my rug, and I bought the place a new rug.   Something that could be bought at any box type retail store for about 40 bucks.   But no mention was ever brought up at all about the expensive appliances and such.  

    Possibly my first dinner at my new house?


    From the outside and such--I wasn't expecting much
    But I really like this place.   The inside is very nice.



    But the old motel is accented with these purdy pink sparkly rocks.   Thus why it's the Rock Trim?


    All of this snazzy talk is reminding me of a recent first at work. A table of gay Indians came in to eat.   A few thoughts on this real quick.   First I am sure there elders would roll over in there graves.   And I now wander what kind of war cry a gay Indian yells?
    My friend believes that when we hit a certain number of gay people--that will mark the start of the end of the world.   I have recently talked about some other supposed world enders.   One that used to be very popular, and I haven't heard much about lately.   Was that when the current Pope died, we were all doomed for sure.   Although I do believe the end is close, I do not think it is 2012 close.   Things in all aspects are bound to get much worse. 

     Tomorrow ---some thoughts on the 3rd Thursday downtown fest in Sheridan.
    And more random randomness!

    Favorite Quotes **Number One**

       

        Here is a quick posting for everyone.  While you wait for the next list of quotes, please check out my past blogs.   These, along with many more “greats” are posted.  Complete with whom first said these lines *AKA- who I borrowed them from!   And my personal insights and thoughts to the quotes.  Please note: not all thoughts are recommended for anyone to read.   Next installment coming soon!   Or at least that is what I would like to think, but it took me two months of thinking about it, to post this first group.  Feel free to use any of these you enjoy.   That’s how I got them.  
        I will create a second post later on today.   One with much more thought and content put into it.   Also I will very soon have a great post about tonight’s 3rd Thursday downtown shin-dig.   As I am actually off work tonight, and headed that way after I find some din-din for myself.  


    *I don’t suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it!
    * It’s not the ups and downs in life that make life difficult—It’s the jerks!
    * I have no idea what you just said, but I am going to smile and say “yeah”   Goes with the Wally World smile.
    *Coffee first—Than your mundane bull sh*t.
    *If one is late for their specie led class—is it proper for the teacher to call the student tardy?
    *The guy that discovered milk—What was he doing to that poor cow?
    *No one gives a sh*t about all the things your cell phone does.   You didn’t even it, you just bought it.  And anybody can do that!
    *He was madder than an albino hitchhiking in a snow storm!
    *How did Mr. Crabs have a baby whale?
    *I  have been away from real winters to long-I just chocked on a snowflake.
    *I’m going to open a liquor store and call it the 13th step.   And then open a topless coffee shop called Perkies right beside it.
    *No brains  no headaches!
    *My poo smells like roses!
    *I practice safe sex—by leaving the lights on.
    *I am not random—My brain just functions much faster than yours.
    *Have you ever stopped to think-and then forgot to start again?
    *If at first you don’t succeed –destroy ALL evidence that you tried.
    *If at first you don’t succeed –Bungee jumping is not for you.
    *If you don’t have anything nice to say—Come sit by me!
    *One cannot fully understand something—Until you can explain it to your grandmother.
    *Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but many people abuse the privilege!
    *I will not have fun with educational toys!
    *The best person I know lives in my mirror!
    *You don’t have a great day---You make a great day!
    *I about got hit while jogging—Getting in shape IS killing me.
    *It’s called Facebook, not Assbook.
    *I think I’m going to start smoking—to see if  I lose my smokers cough.
    *If you smoke after sex, you are doing it to fast!
    *Turns out, chess is nothing like checkers.
    *Can restin’ your cell phone on your junk—give you cancer, down there?
    *If you have no TV, what does all your furniture face toward?
    *Sheep are safe!?!
    *I didn’t get the memo!
    *Do these pants make me look fat?   No but your ass does!
    *That went over about as well as a turd in a punch bowl.

    Wednesday, June 15, 2011

    6/15/11 Another Day Older Not Necessarily Smarter.

                                                              **"Food is good!"**

                                       **"Is Santa's gal called a ho ho ho, for short?"**

        **"The news simply reiterates what I've been telling my daughters for years, : Stay away from wieners."**---Jeff Dunham

       **"Your dad is a man of few words. Why make him suffer by reading another Father’s Day greeting card? Just give him a hearty slap on the back and a six-pack."**
      **"Is it wrong to name your child Charity----and than go door to door asking for people to donate to charity?"**
        **"Every night I pick up around the house and in the morning the kids trash it, so tonight I'm going to trash the house and see if they pick it up in the morning."**


                             I got no kids to blame the mess on at my place at the moment.   And although I realize I just moved into this new place, it needs a quick clean up already.   Mostly from having no front screen door, and leaving the pad open to vent, and than quickly having a house full of cotton.   Maybe because I am just to used to being in motels lately, and there weekly cleaning.   Not that I didn't spot clean the night before they came into clean.  Which kind of defeats the purpose, but I guess I didn't want them to know how dirty a person I really am?  
           I have to say yesterday was an awesome day all around.   From hanging out with my parents, to hanging out with old friends, to talking to some really good friends.  I also got free food all day, and for whatever reason free food tastes ten time better than any food you can buy.   Last summer at work, I was always staying longer or the likes, and managed to snag quite a few free meals at work.   My best snag was a steak dinner from a very kool manager, who is almost impossible to get free food out of.   At a job past, a crummy truck stop in Arizona--  Every time the menu changed, the managers would hold a mandatory meeting, were we tasted all the new food items.   This worked out well for everyone involved.   We could tell the customers about each new menu item and people actually showed up to the meetings, because of all the free food!
         Yesterday I posted a link from the Sh*t my Dad Says website.   I post quotes from that same sight randomly.  Let me quickly explain my fascination with the sight, more the concept of the sight.   The writer has always dreamed about becoming a writer.  But in most aspects that does not pay well.   People like him and I sit at Starbucks and write some in between ragin games of solitaire on the computer.   Today I am switching that concept up, by writing at Burger King, because they have wi-fi, are a closer walk, and have greasy food and coffee!   Anyways, at some point recently the thirty something writer ended up moving back into his dads home.   He started writing down things his dad said while they talked and started by shortening them into tweets.   In time many people realized the posts were not only funny but helpful and maybe a little inspirational if you changed the concept just a little bit.   He soon had his own website, and a large following, and a TV sitcom deal to bargain with.   I have never seen the show, but wonder how the dad has any lines at all that are not bleeped out for editing.   He now has a huge following, as I am sure does his grumpy but "deep" father.   But through it all his dad still doesn't see him as a real writer at any level.  
         After just over a month of living here, I have been thinking alot about buying a moped.   Maybe because I am overly tired of walking every were.  And at least through the summer I could zoom around town.   Plus if you keep the moter power low enough, you do not need to have a drivers licence.   I guess the powers that be figure it is closer to a glorified bike at that point?   I looked at them a lot while living in Washington state, but feared all the days of non-stop rain.   In this same mind thought --I must say that I have always wanted to go to the Sturgis SD bike rally on a pink moped.   Picture that scene from Dumb and Dumber, were they are riding the moped, huddled together for safety and warmth---with far far more ass kicking to myself.    I indirectly made a new "friend" last winter--OK enemy.    When joking on a past managers Facebook page.  Her husband was going through a mid life crises of sorts, and was looking at buying a convertible.  As possibly the moped, not the best investment when one lives in Wyoming.   Were you might possibly be able to fully enjoy it two months out of the year, without having iceicles on your beard, and your boogers frozen inside your nose!   Anyways, I helpfully suggested, that she save cash and just buy him a pink moped.   I soon had a post on my page from the husband about were he would like to park his new pink moped!   I get bored easily, and have trouble not finishing anything like that I start, no matter how good an idea that is.   And quickly made the situation worse for myself.  Her husband was an angry, big boy.   In the end we came up with a new term though!   DURP---which in this case stands for ----Dim-witted Urban Redneck Parolee!   Plus it is great fun to randomly yell Durp!    Try it.   I have to admit the U---could use a better word, but there is not a ton of words to choose from that start with  U.   But don't tell the Durp what it stands for.
        I was just watching a show were they called Feb 13th---Desperation day.   Gals were easier to land a date with, because they did not want to be single on V times day!   But you have to make sure you end the date before midnight-or it becomes a V times day date.   I have previously written some random thoughts about the "holiday"   and they mostly relate to how I would rather break up with a girl friend, than celebrate.   Nothing much more to add here, I just thought this concept was amusing---thanks for playing!
        So Monday night I was actually home to watch Secret Life of an American Teenager for the first time since moving.   I sadly got hooked on the show while living in Washington with an awesome friend.   I say sadly because it is more like a soap, with horny teens running around.  And there struggles with the supposed new normal---school, dates, babies at 16.   But it is an addicting show.   I thought I could "catch" up on episodes on Netflix, but my lack of computer access has quickly shot that idea down.   Anyways, as I was watching yet another young character on the show that was pregnant, the commericals came on.   That's night sponsor was Nike----who's slogan is "just do it!"    Really?   Does anyone else find that just a little bit off or possibly disturbing?
       

    Tuesday, June 14, 2011

                                       **"If your not first, your already the second loser."**

                                                                    **"I like eggs!"**

    -----Nothing beats a great breakfast at night time.    OK almost nothing.   I don't know how many times we used to get around the fixins' around midnight and cook up a huge breakfast.   Called Brinner---breakfast at dinner time.   Or even a bowl of cereal late at night, always hits the spots.  Although in most of my bachelor pads, I never seem to have milk and cereal at the same time.   It's a mystery for sure.   I have learned for sure, no other liquids, from beer to juice---go good with cereal.  
        
                                    **"Now that it's about quitting time, I am wide awake!"**

    ----Me the other day at work.   I switched my work schedule around and ended up at work at seven AM.   After a mostly sleepless night at home, I was very glad we sold coffee were I worked!   My next door neighbor randomly wakes in the middle of the night, to argue very loudly, with himself.   He was in great form, with lots of cussing and arm flaying I am sure by about two in the morning.   This and some other key factors that start out small, but seem to quickly snowball are making me already contemplate another move across this small town.   I have been in this place for almost a whole week now!   It is to bad, because I really like this new place.   I will not take the time to get into most of the reasons on here for contemplating the move, plus most people I have talked to about it so far, seem to think I am crazy.   Well more crazy for even thinking about this, after landing a nice place in a town short on rentals, nice or otherwise.   Many have to deal with things like the yelling neighbor.   And others are a small hike in my rent, for great improvements.  Such as A/C and actual wi-fi from my home again.    Sadly a big percent of my people interaction, away from work, is online.  Also this of course is the only way I publish my blogs.   Something I have not been doing nearly enough of lately.  

          **"Nothing beats a purdy gal jumping out of a jacked up pickup in shorts and cowboy boots!"**

     I have been talking about great things in Wyoming.   Sometimes in my darker days, I feel there are few good things about the area.   But just walking down the street, and seeing the Rockie Mountians as a back drop to the city, is a thrill to the eyes.   For some reason a gal driving a pick up is a turn on to me, but to be at a place like Wally World, and see a beautiful lady jump out of that truck there driving, in shorts and cowboy boots, almost can't be beat.    That is all on that subject. 

    http://www.scribd.com/doc/57840168/Father-s-Day-Story-June-2011

        With fathers day just around the corner--I offer the above.   I did not write this.   It is from the *Sh*t My Dad says website.   As the websites title implies, the language usage is not the cleanest.   But the story is worth a read.  It seems like everyone goes out for mothers day and stands in long lines to eat out.   On fathers day it is not even to as close to busy, and most of the fathers would rather be out with there favorite beverage cooking something on the ol bbq.   Maybe something than ran over on the way home on mothers day afternoon.   That went straight to the freezer, for that special day.    Fathers are equally as important people and aspects to your birth, unless  you were hatched.   And lately I have spent way to much time marveling in the sheer odds of ever being born at all.   From the beginning the odds are against your sperm!  
        This short story also talks about near death experiences.   I have had a few of my own, and have found at least for a little while, it makes you enjoy everything in your life a LOT more.   From waking up, to being able to yawn, it's all a huge thrill.    Sadly this feeling wears off way to fast.  
         Speaking of bbq---I had some excellent bbq'd steak earlier this evening in the huge city of Big Horn Wyoming.   OK village is more like it.    Very good, and an awesome break from being in my lonely box of a home.   I really am planning some picture "tours" of Sheridan, on here, I just have been slacking.   And have very limited computer access right now.   Well online access.  I can use my computer offline any time that floats my boat.    Thank you to all my readers!